To want to know why friend blocked me?

[Whytoday]

So 3 ish years ago, a partner of one of my DHs friends who I’ve known a few years (came to our wedding) and I were pregnant at the same time during lockdown. She has a large following on Instagram and even now is always saying to her to her followers that she’s lonely, has no mum friends or friends at all and wishes she had these friends to go stuff with her DD but has social anxiety.

So I, many times, have reached out and tried to form a friendship with her (e.g. soft play, play group, inviting her round for a coffee and taking the kids to the park) because I don’t want her to feel lonely and that she has no one, she doesn’t live far away and it make sense as our girls are so close in age. If I’d seen on her story that she was having a bad day with her anxiety or with her current pregnancy I’d reach out and say I was there if she needed to talk to someone.

She only replies to me about a third of the time I message her about meeting up- when we do she always says she had a great time and we must do it again soon. At the beginning of the year we were invited to her DDs birthday party (only friends who were invited) and it seemed to go great and we said we’d meet up soon etc etc.

So messaged a few days later, ignored. Noticed she’d ‘come off’ IG, (thought it was one of her followers had been mean to her or something) so I messaged her to ask if she was ok, ignored. And now I realised she hasn’t actually come off- she’s just blocked me!

I don’t want to make things awkward as our DDs play nicely and will eventually may go to school together and we will see each other from time to time, however its just making me feel shit that she’s cut me out for no reason and I want to just know why! But I certainly don’t think I’ll be reaching out again to meet up.

I feel pathetic for even typing this post so please me kind!

You tried to be a friend to her she doesn't want it. That could be because she actually doesn't need/want friends but does like to play victim on sm. or it could be she didn't click with you. Did you never exchange phone numbers ? Blocking you on sm is ridiculous and petty. Is you dh still friends with her husband? I'd ignore it and ignore her going forward

It’s an IG persona for likes.

Agree with @RickyGervaislovesdogs

She has her narrative. Your kind offers to meet up don't tally with the image she wants to present

@ConflictofInterest that's a v interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing

Yes exactly this. People don't realise that there is a huge difference between interacting online with faceless strangers and being presented with an actual person invading your phone with messages offering support and friendship.

I can talk rubbish all day long on SM but I have quite a few unanswered texts and WhatsApps from people that I can't even face opening, let alone responding to. And these are from really lovely people I like very much, and I assume that one day I will probably lose their friendship but I can't help it and I don't know why. I don't think it's you personally but that your messages were too much for her. She obviously likes you and invited you to the party but your follow up text was probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

Just because someone posts on SM about something they crave doesn't mean that they are in a mental place to do anything about it. I am a bit of a fat bastard at the moment and posted a funny joke about how I need to lose weight. I really don't want one of the people who follow me texting me to offer ways I can lose weight or offer to diet with me. I will do it in my own time.

She could be a massive fake who lies on IG
She might not enjoy your company
She might find your reaching out messages stressful
She might be chronically disorganised
She might be just not that into you
She might be really busy
She might be socially anxious and find meet ups difficult and wants to avoid them
She might think she’s entitled to whine in IG without someone trying to fix her
She might be a person who wants to post, but not actually interact

I don’t think you will find the reason, and it may be multi faceted. I would just treat her as an acquaintance, polite but distant.

Impossible to know what's going on with her, and that is not your problem. You just need to take the hint and meet other friends instead - it doesn't matter why she isn't that keen to meet up, as much as it would be nice to have an explanation. Don't give it any further thoughts or time.

Honestly OP it’s not you, it’s her.

Back when I had FB, I had two acquaintances on it that regularly blocked and unblocked people. One of them had/has depression and isn’t always in a good place and the other was incredibly immature in general.

The latter didn’t add anything to my life and when I saw her back online or on my ‘friends list’, I blocked her myself so she couldn’t go on and off my page wordlessly.

The other (the one with depression) got married in her 40s and moved away. Sometimes I think about her and hope things turned around for her.

Just step back from this woman and forget about her.

Maybe she has things going on in her life that had not to do with you, just leave her alone and give her some space

Move on with your life

@ConflictofInterest That's a really interesting perspective. I had no real idea of what 'social anxiety' meant, vaguely thought it was about not wanting to be in the midst of a large group of people, but really had no idea of the reality so thank you for that post.

OP, you have nothing to feel "pathetic" about. You sound like a kind person, you reached out to someone thinking you could help. It's not your fault that for whatever reason this woman doesn't want to pursue the friendship. Don't let it stop you being you, there are lots of people who will be glad to have your friendship.

It could be anything. Personally I think it's probably nothing to do with portraying something a certain way on social media. I think there's more to it. She doesn't enjoy your company for whatever reason and doesn't want to explain. I had a " mum friend" who I found over time that I didn't have much in common with and realised I didn't enjoy spending time with her. There were a few things about her I actively disliked. I wouldn't go as far as blocking but I've stopped messaging and if I see her at the school I won't go over to talk anymore. I'll say hello if we pass in the street but nothing more. I've been ghosted myself too, probably for similar reasons. There's nothing you can do, other than accept the friendship had run its course and move on.

She probably doesn't want someone she knows IRL watching her on Instagram. Especially since they have to play up on there and act more dramatic or no one would watch them. Or the followers have gone to her head a bit and she's more interested in forming relationships online with strangers/ getting validation and attention from followers. I actually have a close family member who's done that and stopped speaking to family members once she blew up online. Very strange but people who seek fame like that normally have done for a long time and will do anything to be relevant and get it. You've done all you can, if you see her in person wait for her to speak to you first and if she doesn't, don't make the effort.

That's a brilliant analogy ... we'll never know if its the right answer but I can 100 percent agree it can be like this for some people

When I was at my worst with anxiety I could only interact with others online, as it was from the safety of my home. I was unable to meet people in person. I had friends who kept on trying to meet up with me, and if they really pushed them I did have to cut ties with them. Anxiety can be a very serious condition. I don’t think it’s personal to you that she’s blocked you, but she’s obviously unable to meet you in person at the moment, and is too anxious to explain that to you, or doesn’t have the words to explain.

Hi had this with a so-called friend. Was odd got blocked from no where but she was very much as you described. After confiding in a mutual friend she also had similar experiences.

Ive come to understand more about her and I’m almost sure she’s got histrionic personality disorder. So in this case I’m better off away from her.

As someone who has been through real struggles with social anxiety this sounds familiar. When you ‘have’ to do certain things such as the birthday party etc you can force yourself to do it.. On the outside she may have seemed fine but when that was me I used to be completely disassociated at times like that due to complete panic, and then went home and couldn’t remember what had happened, felt like I had totally embarrassed myself, like I wasn’t normal etc. thankfully I’m passed that now. I never used to post about it on social media etc… but maybe that’s her way of reaching out for help. I can totally relate to the ignoring messages too, even with people I truly loved. It was too overwhelming to reply and I knew that replying would mean eventually meeting up so I rarely replied and pretty much distanced myself from everyone at that time but I still really missed people and wished I could just go back to being my normal self. Many people simply won’t understand this if they haven’t experienced it, but those who have struggled with this knows it can be completely wreck your life and she may need to reach out for help to get past it for good.

Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt.

If she has bad anxiety, as I do, just a text/email or even worse a phone call can be a nightmare of bad symptoms.

Dont contact her on SM at all anymore. Just send a friendly text here and there and wait and see if she can manage to reply (yes it can be that hard).

Thank you for your replies everyone.

Lots of good responses, have made me feel better about the whole thing.

A couple of points to clarify-

• I suppose we aren’t really great friends, we’re just more polite friendly as we ran in the same friendship group with our DHs being good friends. I suppose to me in made sense to peruse an actual friendship when we were both pregnant as we had something in common and more so when she was saying she was lonely etc- I guess to me I was interpreting that she needed me to be a friend- obviously not.
• We communicate via Whatsapp, I didn’t just message following a SM post. Just sporadically to catch up with DDs and then one to check in with her if visibly upset on SM.

Oddly enough, I messaged her last week about meeting. She said she was busy but potentially next week. But since I’ve realised she’s actually blocked me on IG I think it’ll just be really awkward!!

Friendly and polite in passing from now on I think, I really don’t think she wants to peruse a friendship, and I’m ok with that! It won’t be nice if she still feels lonely/no friends etc, but I’ve really tried in over 3 ago years we were pregnant.

All a bit strange I think 😕 .. I suppose, pathetic as it is it’s just a bit sad not to be liked.

It sounds like her Instagram page is quite attention seeking and probably very “woe is me”. You’re offering her solutions which don’t fit her online persona so she’s blocked you.

She blocked you because you came accross as
' Patronising'. If a person has the courage to admit to their vulnerabilities then it shoukdnt be a green light to focus in on them. ' Helping Someone' dies not work. I have tried' giving ' but it just gets thrown back.
You must as always be mindful to not do too much for fear of patronising .
Dont shoot the messenger here.

The blocking didn’t come following a message about her SM, it was just out the blue.

Don't waste any more time on energy on someone who is not worthy. She clearly has some sort of mental issues and you don't want that kind of person in your life,

I agree with posters who say you are spoiling her narrative.

I've never blocked anyone, I just see it as unkind and immature. You don't have to be friends with everyone, but unless unsafe or being pestered (which is different) etc., you can simply be lower contact and not do something that is so hurtful. I mean people are going to know you've blocked them eventually, so it also makes things very awkward.

You tried to do something really nice @Whytoday don't let her issues take up space in your head. Just keep being who you are.

There are clearly underlying issues with her. I’ve never understood the point on sharing such personal issues on social media but that’s just me I’m not a social media fan & would never be one of those posters.
You sound like a lovely person who genuinely reached out to someone who was saying they were lonely/unhappy (whether it be true or not) & now she’s blocked her social media account. Who knows what the truth is but you can hold your head up high as you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t message her again. If she comes to you then you can make up your mind on what you want to do but don’t bother your end now just remain dignified & polite (which I’m sure you will)!

Its called secondary gain. Sometimes people get more from remaining in their problem then by solving it - eg someone in poor health who does not take steps to improve it by taking medications etc because they get cared for by others and if they were healthy this would stop. People in this situation will reject all help because they dont want to solve the stated problem. They may not even realize this is what they are doing, but others may be very cognizant.