To say that the next generation is primarily screwed in terms of resilience

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And WTF do we do about it?

Obviously many young people are wonderfully resilient but the overall trend I’ve seen in my line of work (behavioural education) is that there are vast, and I mean VAST numbers of young adults who cannot leave the house, come into a classroom, look someone in the eye, make a phone call, speak infront of the class (if they make it in), cry when pronouns are wrong (daily occurrence), take responsibility to revise/get a job/learn to drive.

What is going to happen to these humans in the future?

This is a generation who want instant answers, instant access and want the riches of life without the graft ( not all). This is the tiktok, youtube dream - the perfect life with friends in a group, girls looking similar, every one doing well - what they have not worked out is the truth from the reality.

Mu niece 22, sees what I have after 25 years of hard work, fun , games, travel, crap jobs, piss poor pay jobs, sharing a flat with strangers. She wants the end product, not getting that it takes years to get there. She is a worker, but can not cope with the reality of not being sure what she wants to do with her life, just like her mother took 5 years post school to work it out. She needs therapy, my sister, tried jobs she fancied and worked it out - unsettled yes but that was the fabric of growing up - no therapy

We feed this belief they are hard done by, by going on about covid restrictions, disadvantages, high prices etc and play into this. Parents teach children social skills - this is their failing as much as the education system. Likewise, all the under 5s who suffered because they were home with a SAHM or Dad. Isn't that what most DCs had 70 years ago and is held up as the best early ears child rearing but now because of covid - it has failed them!

The world's not happy because white men are not happy.

In our society white men are the equivalent of the dad who sets the tone in the house - if he's happy, everyone's happy. If he's not, everyone suffers.

White men have had a few solid decades now of being told they're not the be all and end all any more and they're sick of it. So, the world is ending, it's all awful, wah wah wah. They're feeling insecure so the whole world has to know about it.

Couple that with the fact that many of the structures and rituals that people use to rely on to order and make sense of their lives - religion mainly, but also family structures, local communities, traditions (to be clear I'm not a 'traditional values' person) - are diminished and people feel quite lost.

We need a measure of order and structure - it's one of the reasons people turn to right wing authoritarianism as it has a parental sort of security to it. Health gurus and such are just substitute priests. Pronoun nonsense comes from needing a sense of identity and belonging.

It's great that society has changed but there's too much of a vacuum for people to get lost in.

A more succinct version of what I was typing at length while this was being posted!

but yes, I 100% agree and nothing frustrates me more than meeting other parents who won't let their children DO anything for fear of harm coming to them. SIL once had a complete meltdown because I didn't agree wit her that DS (that's MY DS, not hers) should no longer be allowed to move around then neighbourhood without us because there'd been an alleged attempted kidnapping of a child. She had the best of intentions but she was literally fuming and crying because she was so upset that I was putting her nephew at risk by letting him out of the house alone. The fact that the situation with the "kidnapping" wasn't exactly clear (there was a suggestion it was a dad/relative trying to grab the child), plus DS was older PLUS these sorts of things are such a big deal because they ARE so rare.... just didn't factor for her.

Not strictly true @platinumplus.

Students have “passports”. These aren’t EHCPs but access arrangements for students who suffer with anxiety. At my school we average of 3 EHCPs a year but around 50 “passports”.

We are fortunate that kids go to a small private school and they are just as focussed on extra curricular / confidence building stuff as well as academic stuff. I’ve worked with kids for years before having my own and am frequently blown away by how confident and happy all the kids are at their school. Yes there are some kids naturally more shy / more confident but through all sports of sports, dance, drama, chess, maths competitions etc there is something for everyone to excel at. All kids happy to speak to adults , stand in front of class and speak etc. So this is probably the solution but not possible in state schools due to class sizes / support from parents at home. All parents here really involved in the school.

I’m just not as narrow minded as you appear to be.

Unfortunately a lot of young people seem to be struggling with anxiety. Even more unfortunately, the reaction by ill-informed parents is to address this by ensuring that the child never has to be in a situation which can trigger anxiety. Too many schools go along with this in the name of inclusion.

As an adult who has struggled with anxiety, this is exactly the wrong approach. Avoidance increases anxiety. The only way to build resilience is by doing difficult things in a supportive environment. Avoidance will eventually lead to anxiety becoming more and more severe and the child becoming increasingly restricted and isolated as ever increasing activities become too difficult to do.

But equally I work with kids with diagnosed need - ADHD and ASD for example and no EHCP who still need access arrangements - ditto dyslexic students who may need a scribe or reader - 'passports' aka access arrangements have to applied for a need shown - they aren't handed out because the school says they need it.

It had been on the rise for a long time before covid.
Covid has become a convenient excuse for lots of maladies that had become an undercurrent of behaviours that were often swept under the carpet and under reported in the press.

My slightly less philosophical/more judgemental opinion is that far too much weight is given to children's feelings - it's so unfair on them. For example I was at an event recently and a mum told her five year old off for something. He wasn't happy so he cried - totally normal response. The mum then made the situation into a big hoo haa, explaining why she'd got cross and saying sorry that he was upset. That made him more upset and turned a fairly innocuous situation into a massive big deal with complicated feelings and discussions. Just tell the child off and let the bloody thing go!

I am all in favour of feelings being acknowledged but I think it's being done in a really naive cack-handed way. It's terrible to ignore a child's feelings but it's equally terrible to make their feelings into these monumental things that stop the whole world and affect everything. Yes, acknowledge the feeling but then say 'oh well' and move on. Sometimes things are shit, sometimes you're not happy. That's life.

It had been on the rise for a long time before covid.
Covid has become a convenient excuse for lots of maladies that had become an undercurrent of behaviours that were often swept under the carpet and under reported in the press.

Totally agree. And they aren’t helped by adults telling them how hard their circumstances have been (eg Covid). Try growing up with a war on, etc.

Well said

Something wrong with the circullum or the way they are being taught.

40 something- can't remember what a pronoun is - who really cares? 🤔

I'll be really honest - I feel like I see a number of children who are being told, usually by their parents, that they "can't cope" with things (like tests, or speaking in front of the class, or even just answering one word question in class etc) And whilst you definitely can't build resilience by just forcing people to "get on with it" (in fact, this can destroy whatever confidence they do have) letting them opt out altogether is equally unhelpful.

Resilience isn't a character trait that you either have or you don't (although some people do genuinely struggle more than others). It's a skill that everyone can improve on with support and practice.

Yes well talking about resilience is now viewed as right wing.

If you are a kind compassionate person of the left you only talk in terms of support and validation.

You'll be accused of being right wing soon enough with these views, you can see the pushback you're getting for not being kind enough already.

I was with you, something has defienlty gobe wrong for young people, until you lazyily dismissed things as right wing. That video is directly relevant to your question and addresses many points raised by you.

I work with young apprentices and I would say the vast majority are still determined, resourceful and able to think for themselves. I have one that needs more spoon feeding than others but he has a great work ethic. And there’s one that is exactly as you describe. But one out of 10 is probably the same number we’d have got at any other point in time. People that look for apprenticeships tend to be keen workers though so my point of view could be skewed. We have ‘problem’ people in every generation in my experience

Agreed.

Ms son is autistic and has an EHCP. We have always known he was autistic. He is not allowed to opt out of things that make him uncomfortable. I have told him he will be autistic for life and the world can not bend to meet his needs, he must be able to learn strategies to cope.

I can detail too much about this event as it will opt me, but last year I was so proud when he was selected to represent his school at an event. He was anxious - he hates new things - but he did it by practising his coping mechanisms.

Im sure I’m labelled a tough parent but our children need to experience discomfort. It’s a natural response.

for lots of kids with anxiety, ADHD, ASD covid was a blessing! (not for many parents though) - it was (and is) returning to full time face to face education that has been the struggle - because for those kids it's sometimes a daily battle to go in.

I don't want to cause any offence at all but is the lack of resilience and anxiety a cultural problem? I don't see this generally in Black and Asian kids, although they do have other issues.

Further to this exchange, there is also a vast amount of polarisation, 'right think' vs 'wrong think', echo Chambers.
In the past we'd have sat and watched the news, from that we'd be exposed to a wide range of opinions and from this build informed views on the world, good or bad.
Now many adults and children alike are accessing only what they want to hear, only the opinions of those who already support their views, they're not interested in understanding why people may have a different opinion, those with a different opinion are just wrong or bad people
Society does seem less forgiving and less tolerant of others, you have to be right kind of XYZ with the right opinions to be valued. But if course, no one ever is a pure as they're expected to be, that would make me anxious as an adult, I can't imagine what it's like as a child.

And of course covid was a thing, but I remember there was a massive focus on improving resilience in my first teaching post in 2005.

Abigail Shrier has a book coming ut called 'Bad Therpay' about how our approach to kids mental helath has actually undermined it.

Very relevant to you and your work OP.
But she is probably too right wing for you.

Fuck knows, but lets hope we don't end up in WWIII ey. We'll be well and truly fucked. Although they might not be able to fight us because they are laughing so much.

I agree with @badwolf82 and @MrsMurphyIWish - my eldest has anxiety - often crippling refusing to leave her room levels but the only thing that's helped is a 'feel the fear and do it anyway' approach - the more she does things that make her sweat, want to run and hide - and no one dies, her legs don't fall off and no one stares, the better she feels about herself and the more control she feels she has - but it's very hard - it's been a long road.