To wonder if I am an alcoholic?

[MiniEg]

I LOVE a wine. I was drinking most nights up until a few weeks ago, I am fine and can go without it to be honest but I do miss it. I have 2 young kids and don't want to damage my health.

Does anybody else love a wine? some nights I would finish a bottle and feel absolutely fine, others, could only manage 2 glasses without feeling sick etc. My family have always drank a lot so its the norm to them really so its difficult to understand what is actually normal

I was like this. Family are big into drink. I gave it up back in November and took a small drink the other day and felt instantly shit. I had forgotten how horrible it made me feel. I didn't even like the taste anymore. I used to have one, which became two glasses every night and believe I was falling into alcoholic territory. As a teen I think we were all alcoholics and just didn't realise. It's a slippery slope.

Pretty much every adult I know does. Obviously it's different in different circles, but considering that the alcohol industry is worth about £45 billion a year in the UK, it must be normal to some?

You’re not an alcoholic OP, but you do drink too much.

I’m in the same boat. I’m not posting this to defend or normalise the position but just because it’s fairly demonised on MN and so others like us might not come forward. Perhaps you want to have an actual conversation with other people in your position? Well, I’m one of them.

I drink around 3 glasses of wine (half a bottle) per night, on most but not all nights. For example, I have done this on 6 out of the last 7 nights. Last week on 5. It has made me overweight which is unhealthy and which I don’t promote. Recent liver function tests (for potential bone marrow donation) came back clear.

I don’t feel a compulsion to do it but I slip back into it easily. A bottle here and a bottle there. I do dry Jan every year and I have never touched even a drop whilst pregnant (or whilst TTC for that matter). I also never touch the stuff when home alone with the kids or driving (not even a beer with a curry). I do prefer to drink “to have a good time” - I am disappointed when a wedding is dry or when I have no choice but to drive and stay sober at an event.

Again, I would like to stress that I am not trying to defend or normalise. Just having an open dialogue.

I am a keen cook. It is my hobby and I spend hours a month in the kitchen trying out weird and wonderful techniques with water baths and nitrogen and flames!… in fact, I have applied to Masterchef a couple of times! And I enjoy wine pairings. I realise that I sound like a tosser. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Like you, I grew up in a household where it was normal. So did my husband. We drink in front of the kids but we don’t get drunk in front of them. (This might be hard for others to believe because 1/2 a bottle of wine would knock a non-drinker out… but I have a substantial tolerance for it and I do not drink spirits) I save the “massive nights” for when we have babysitters! I have also never co slept and I do not smoke.

So yes, OP. I do it too. If you want to ask me anything, ask away.

I drink too much too and want to cut down, it's really hard isn't it? I do feel better when I don't drink then I slip back into the habit. What I don't agree with is pp saying you shouldn't drink in case you need to drive in an emergency, what do they think that people who don't drive/don't have a car do?

Honestly, literally everybody I know drinks every night, I eve got into a conversation with my nails girl about this and she does the same. Not that I think it is right because I do not. I am going to massively cut down

The best thing I did to cut down was to stop completely for a couple of months. It’s re set my thinking and I no longer feel that feeling in the evening that I used to before I poured myself a glass of wine. I’ve broken the habit. I now keep drinking to out of the house only.

I drink about once a year, so it’s definitely not everyone. Went out for dinner with friends Friday night, one person out of 6 was drinking (none of us driving)
It isn’t everyone!

Yes that is my goal too, never used to drink at home but obviously time away from DC's is getting few and far between since I had 2 children. I am not justifying it I am really not, I know its not good at all

Not everybody, but everybody I know.

I could not imagine going out for dinner without a glass of wine, how bad is that

Everyone I know drinks most nights, but then most are from mainland Europe!

People saying you are an alcoholic...well that's for you to decide. If you can go weeks without drinking and don't binge excessively I'd say that label could be strong. If you are concerned, try to make sure you keep to around 14 units per week, and leave at least 3 days dry each week. And take up some healthy hobbies to distract the need for it. Gym, swimming, walking, dance class etc? It's never too late to cut down or stop but you don't need to beat yourself up about it.

There is no single clearcut definition of an "alcoholic", and many of those who work with addiction issues increasingly find the blanket term unhelpful.

You were aware you were drinking too much so have cut down. That's excellent - stick to it. Then you can still enjoy a drink occasionally, and all is well with the world. If you can set limits and stick to them, all is good.

I couldn't which is why I don't drink at all now.

There are two types of alcoholic

1. Alcholics
2. MN alcoholics i.e. anyone who drinks more than one glass of wine on Christmas Day

Yes, Maybe I came to wrong place, I do know I need to cut down/stop but I think the opinion on alcohol on this site is quite strong

That's not really how this thread has gone though, at all.

Nobody starts out as a "drink every moment of the day until they pass out drunk" type drinker.

But everyone has the potential to get there.

If you are worried about your consumption then take some time out, see how your life is without it.

I'd say you need a good 3 months to feel the true benefits of not drinking but it does kind of seem like you want to be told your drinking habits are okay and that yes everyone drinks like that?

If you've easily gone a few weeks without wine you're probably not an alcoholic.

I know someone whose drinking killed her. She could regularly go 6+ months without touching a drop, but it didn't stop her being an alcoholic.

No I really dont, I know I drink too much and need to cut down! I dont want to stop completely but I am guessing that anybody who does drink more than twice a year will be an alcoholic to somebody else?

I am about 18 mths off alcohol. Rather than thinking about whether you're an alcoholic I'd spend time thinking about why you love a wine, what does it mean to you? Then explore time off alcohol, not in a deprivation mindset but in a curiosity mindset. What's the right thing to do for you to have a better life?

Don’t know if you’re an alcohol but it sounds like some sort of habit?

Have you read the sober diaries? Very insightful, funny, brilliant and I have had some sober nights out since (granted only a few weeks ago). I’m not a frequent drinker but social situations are always alcohol fuelled and I’ve lost a lot of days to hangovers, been a rubbish parent/not done things I should have due to drink. At the Christmas do (new workplace, don’t really like it) it felt all awkward (weird team dynamics) so I got absolutely sloshed. Last Christmas I was quite ill but someone still drinking wine. Things like this have made me think maybe I should stop/ cut down etc .

I'm similar to you OP, have gone dry for months then slid back into nightly wine over the years. The young DC phase of life has been a struggle for me. I found "Alcohol Explained" to be the best book I've ever read on the subject and it really gave me the kick I needed. The neurological link from drinking the night before to a state of perma-anxiety really hit home.

Yes, young DC phase is a massive struggle for me too, DH works late, Some days it is tedious as hell! Feell awful because I love them so so much!

I am guessing that anybody who does drink more than twice a year will be an alcoholic to somebody else?

Except absolutely nobody has said that, have they?

Well no but obviously somebody who doesn't drink that much at all, anything will seem a lot to them,

It so bizarre though as I even have cheap wine that people have bought me, beers etc in the house and I never touch them. If there is a bottle of expensive Sauvignon blanc in the fridge I find it hard to resist!