Phony Happy Couples

[JayJa]

Doesn't it seem like the couples who constantly promote what fantastic relationships they have to everyone else online are actually the ones in the worst relationships?

I know of at least 5 couples, who have some of the most toxic or downright depressing relationships behind closed doors but it's all smiles and sunshine on their social media.

Surely happy couples don't need to shout it from the rooftops about how happy they are as they have nothing to prove to anyone. Whereas, the unhappy people seem to try and convince not only themselves but others that everything is perfect, almost like a mantra with daily/weekly updates.

It goes without saying I believe these types are in the minority but it highlights a bigger problem at large about how obsessed people have become with how they are perceived online not only in terms of relationships, but wealth and success etc. Have we become a society of narcissists or has social media just given the narcissists a platform to preach from?

Yes- I know of a few couples who live together who ‘talk’ to each other on Facebook for all to see. It’s really strange.

So the wife will tag the husband in a post linking to a hotel, saying ‘can’t wait to go here with you babe’ and husband will reply ‘me too. So excited!’. This will be at a time when they’re both at home so presumably are sitting next to each other but want their conversation to be public.

I worry about the sense of people bringing up
the next generation of kids!

Absolutely this!

They are more bothered about communicating with each other in way that others can see rather than actually talking to the person sat next to them on the sofa.

One of the reasons I came off FB and Insta. I hate phonies.

Yup. A lovely friend of mine was posting about her “soul mate” of a husband just weeks before they split and she told us all the truth about her shitshow of a marriage. Sadly she is now with another complete asshole who is abusive and mentally unwell, yet the SM posts continue, making them out to be couple of the year. #blessed

Who are they trying to convince???

Yes and no I'd say.

I know a few couples who are all lovey dovey on FB and they have awful relationships.

Equally I know a few who are the same except they have great relationships, and they just like to overshare on SM 🤷‍♂️

I wouldn't make any assumptions.

I find it more weird that other people care about it tbh. I have one friend like this, it doesn't bother me I just feel a bit sorry for her and make sure I'm there for her if and when she needs it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have actually stopped posting about me and DH online now because I felt a bit like our happiness could be read as being smug. But then someone asked if we are still together because I never post about him haha, we've only been married 8 months!

Social media is about 1% of people's lives at most. Whether they are happy or not, using SM as a measure is nonsense.

I’m just as happy, wealthy and successful as I appear online tbh. So no, I don’t assume that other people must be lying or compensating for crap in their actual lives. I can’t say I really put too much thought into people’s social media. It’s just fluff for fun, it doesn’t really affect me what people are doing on it, I just scroll on by if it doesn’t strike me as genuine.

I think SM brings out the worst in many different types of people.

Those who want to convince others their life is much better than it is.

Those who have great lives but want to rub it into others.

Those who are sick with jealousy and end up ruining their own lives, by following others on SM and constantly comparing.

Those who aren't happy with their lives/looks/careers so spend all their time posting photos and details of their DC's lives, so they can get 'admiration' through them, whilst totally invading their privacy.

Somewhere in between is the average people who just like a quick nose on SM and are mostly happy for everyone else.

This is a very healthy attitude 👍

I don't particularly care about it as it doesn't affect my everyday life. I have made the observation that it is becoming increasingly more common and I do wonder about the potential wider implications on regular and younger people being constantly exposed to a falsified perfect version of reality.

I too have a very close friend who does this, she will vent to me about leaving her husband for hours on end and post a picture of them smiling together that evening.

I totally agree.

I think young people are actually a lot more switched on when it comes to social media than many older people are and give them credit for: there are thousands of younger influencers, TikTokers, YouTubers etc who post videos and reels about “social media versus reality” and highlighting how often what they post isn’t always a hundred percent what’s really going on, in terms of perfect children, tidy house, mental health, posed selfies, travel photos, hair and makeup etc. Younger influencers actually appear to be a lot more open and genuine about it. And young people will be just as aware as you are that it isn’t reality if their friends are telling them one thing about their relationship and then posting another.

@Rangelife
I feel the same. Being one of the wealthier girls in my group of friends and family I make a point of not coming across as an online bragger. Some of my friends really struggle financially and I think being conscientious enough to not rub it in is more important than showing off.

Yes a lot of SM is a falsified reality. I only know this because I know the people who are posting what I know to be bullshit. Honestly, it’s look at me/us and look how fabulous it all is. It’s seeking approval on a platform. No one must be seen to be shitting out. Honesty seems to have gone from the world as it’s spilled over into real life. It’s more dog eat dog than it’s ever been. Everyone has been given an outlet to promote their lives. No one tells the truth anymore. Sad and delusional really x

This.

Not ALL couples who overshare on social media are actually desperately unhappy and putting on a show, the same as not all couples who don't share their relationship are the most secure and devoted to one another.

My BIL posts pictures of him and his DW declaring his undying love. They met whilst he was still married to his first wife. I take it as him trying to convince himself and the world. Before he cheats again.

I also have a friend who posts pictures of her apparent happy family yet I know in real life her DH takes drugs and has been violent. You wouldn’t know from looking at social media.

But they're grown ups on the internet.

You are not responsible for how they react to the social media they choose to use.

Whilst there are marriages, births, University degrees, holidays being had, houses being bought etc...there will always be people for whom this is not possible.

If everyone let that stop them from posting, SM would contain nothing but cat memes.

And even then, someone's cat might've just died 🤷‍♂️

I think it helps some people to convince themselves those people are desperately, secretly unhappy.

In the same way some people convince themselves all slim women survive miserably on one lettuce leaf per day, and a life of self-denial.

I think the majority of people by now do realise that social media is a facade. Being an influencer is the job of producing the right amount of drama and envy to keep the audience engaged enough for advertisers to keep pushing sponsored content.
We both have pronto stopped our social media presence (made accounts private and removed all the people that we do not know well enough) when the business has expanded. I don't want the employees to see where we are holidaying and then counting our money, eeeek!

I agree with you - same could be said for people posting selfies all the time etc, it’s not just about relationships - but don’t you also think this has always been the way? I don’t think it’s to do with the internet - people have never wanted to show ‘weakness’ have they? I know of loads of very unhappy marriages behind closed doors from back before the internet, but you would never have known on the outside. Image worries predate the internet.

People overcompensating on FB is definitely a thing. But there are also people who just post everything that falls into their head, and some of them happen to be in very happy relationships. It's a mixture.

Hmmmmm....I'll sometimes do an anniversary post that tags DH with wedding photos and an occasional selfie of us if we're somewhere nice. It depends how frequently the couple are doing it I suppose. We've never had an issues so it isn't to overcompensate. Together 15 years (since 18).

YANBU

My next door neighbours are the most prolific posters, constantly posting how amazing their husband/wife is, yes every single night I hear the worst screaming matches, verbal abuse really. He calls her a slag and a shit mum yet the next day ‘my gorgeous wife’ - vom

Phony Happy Couples was a great song, loved REM