Relocation to USA

[zssta]

I'm American and had a baby with a British man. After 3 years of being here I want to go back home ( currently uk) to my family as I've been suffering mentally without them near since giving birth. My babys dad doesn't Want to move and keeps threatening suicide if I leave him with the baby. The need to leave is also him due to having mental illness like depression, anxiety and anger unmanaged. It's too much for me to handle with a baby. My baby dad and have decided the relationship is too toxic for our baby so decided to end it. I want to take legal action so I can take my baby with me, he isn't going to consent on his own free will. What should I do??

I don’t think anyone’s suggesting that. The thing is, the law states that children have the right to stay in their place of residence unless BOTH parents agree otherwise. Without extenuating circumstances, a court isn’t going to permit a child to be moved from home + parent against one parent’s will.

I’m divorced and live in my ex’s country (now mine too). I don’t want to go and live in my country of birth but if I did I would be SOL because I would have to abandon my children to do so. There’s just no way any judge would think it in their best interests to leave their father. The rights of the child always have to come first.

As far as going for a visit, it’s possible that a court would grant you permission to take your child if they could be convinced that you would return and that your child’s father was being unreasonable to refuse permission. You’d have to look into that.

If you did go to the US and failed to return your ex would have a clear-cut case to order the child’s return to the UK.

It’s awful for you, I know. But I just don’t think that a return to the US with your child is going to be a viable option for you at this stage, and you would probably be better off looking for solutions elsewhere in your life.

(Not legal advice. Just something I’ve seen play out many, many times in my expat circles.)

If he isn't providing consent for you to visit your family with baby, you can apply to the Family Court to seek consent for this. You could also at the same time put a case forward to seek to separate your child from his/her father to have a better life in USA. You will obviously need legal advice to do this.

I am not a lawyer but in my experience as a social worker, the requests for holidays abroad are usually agreed and you will have to provide evidence of return flights etc but not permanent relocation. IMO it's a really shitty thing to do to take your child completely away from their other parent for your own wellbeing and gain. The child is entitled to have a relationship with both parents.

OP, the thing is, YOU don't matter in this situation, the child matters, what's best for them, not you.

If your visa runs out there is a possibility that you will have to leave your child here and make arrangements from the US regarding residency and stuff.

What is your child’s citizenship status, as I'm assuming just British?

Are you married? If not married, what was the plan for him to go to the US, or for you to remain here, as neither is simple to achieve? (I'm married to an American and have dual citizenship children, so understand that the processes are complex.)

You need a solicitor right now because this is a very complicated situation, and I don't think the law is on your side. You need to start dealing with this right now, well before your visa runs out.

I'd hope that OP would be eligible to apply for a family based Visa, so that they wouldn't be forced to separate before the issue is resolved. But it is a long and expensive process.

*AgentProvocateur · Today 12:52

What’s your visa situation and residence status? You may not be allowed to stay here.
My visa ends in 2 years
*

If it's a visa based on your relationship then it will probably be curtailed by the breakup now.

You need a proper solicitor.

He wont even give me consent to go back home and visit my family with baby for a couple of weeks.

I wouldn't either. Given your views it's unlikely you will return.

@zssta Your mental health is important and I hope you can/are trying to access some support here. You may have a long and arduous battle ahead, so you want to be as robust as possible for this. Two likely outcomes are you must remain here with the baby, or return as a non-resident parent.

You do need his consent to travel to the US with the guarantee that you will be returning with the baby.

You need a Specific Issue Order from Court. Make an application.

Bottom line, though, your mental health issues and missing your family doesn't supercede his rights as a father to his child.

What an awful situation. See a solicitor ASAP.

You will need good advice from a Solicitor ,Its not terribly likely that you would be able to take the baby abroad though if partner is unhappy. Maybe your folks could visit you both here for a visit instead?

You can go to court and get permission to move with the baby.
Also if he's refusing to allow you to go on holiday to see family.
Family friends son divorced and the wife re married and they wanted to move to Australia. He refused to sign the paperwork to let her go with his daughter, so she went to court, he signed the papers on the day before the hearing. So it can happen. See a family solicitor. How can you be trapped here if your visa will expire?

I used to be on an immigration forum as I once applied for an Australian visa. There were plenty of parents that wanted to emigrate taking a child with them despite being split from the other parent. I would say the majority of them (it was always / nearly always the mothers) succeeded to be honest, but it is a long and drawn out process. You need legal help with this and need to consult a family lawyer to get the ball rolling. You will need to demonstrate why it is in the child’s interest and how you will support the relationship with the other parent.

Which passport(s) does your baby have? If you and the baby travel on US passports, would they pick up on that? I'm British, married to an American and we've had to go through immigration in different places because of different passports. I don't think they really asked?

They've always advised us at Immigration to stick together as a family, and go for the shortest queue.

The dad would also have to attend Embassy for passport appointment (if baby eligible), so I assume no US passport yet. Even so, very dangerous advice to attempt to travel without relevant permissions.

Court order will sort out the travel situation so you should be able to travel to the US for a visit for a few weeks without additional consent from your ex.

Longer term issue is less clear.

Either way you need a solicitor.

It's a very difficult situation and not fair on your baby's father if you just moved back to the USA. I can see why he won't give permission for you to go there, although you might get it through a court for a temporary visit.
My child's father actually lives in USA. Believe me, it's very difficult to maintain anything resembling a typical relationship over such a distance, probably unless you have a lot of money and time to visit frequently in person and stick to it. My child sees his dad about once a year. Facetime is great but my child would barely speak on it until was quite old - over 10 - because he didn't know what to say and found it awkward. Young children often aren't great at conversation that isn't face to face. Flights are not cheap either.

My non American DH has never had to attend the embassy to get or renew my dual national kids passports.
As the child of a US citizen born abroad the OPs child should be a US citizen if the OP spent at least 5 years living in the US as a US citizen at any stage in her life prior to the child’s birth.

OP I think you need legal advice about relocating to the US.

YANBU that you want to go home, for the reasons you have said. Nor is anyone saying that YABU for wanting to leave under the circumstances you describe.

What many people are saying though is that the law requires that both parents need to agree if they both have parental rights to taking your child out of the country. This also applies to people living in the USA who want to come home to the UK with their babies/children born to a US citizen in the US. It's not just the UK who have such laws.

You need to discuss the situation with a lawyer, who will be able to advise you on your particular circumstances.

This is not the point. OP was not asking what immigration queue to join. This is a very serious matter and the Hague convention applies no matter what passport they have. OP needs specialised legal help.

Unfortunately if his name is on the birth certificate then there's absolutely nothing you can do I'm afraid.
My English friend is stuck in the USA in the exact same situation

OP will be arrested by US police for child abduction in liaison with police in the UK.

what brought you over to the uk in the first place op?

My career brought me here! I am a junior doctor, my studies are on hold as I am working part time as my LO is in nursery part time. My ex partner works full time and doesn't want to help me during the week as he believes its too stressful for him. He works in IT.