Would you find this attitude off-putting in a man?

[Cantwaittomoveout]

Someone who can't seem to handle anything, for instance always saying how 'chaotic' his week is because he had an appointment one day after work then the other day he worked 2 hours later.
He's always got 'so much going on', constantly cites 'personal issues ' but no idea what that is.
He's single and no children.
He said that when he was younger his life was 'really hard ' because he was doing a 45 hour week for a while and says he's had a tough life.
Basically if he is slightly busier than usual then it's always 'absolutely manic' 'too much going on' and so on.
Maybe there's more than meets the eye but I just think 🤔. Just seems so dramatic.

He's 33.

Sounds like a chocolate teapot. Going to melt under any real pressure.

Not for you. Move on.

Just bin him off.

Its not worth a second thought, or the input of strangers who can't possibly know the context.

Yeah that's it... Unless there's some sort of serious issue he's not mentioned (which he's entitled not to)

Oh god sack him off immediately. He’ll be the one that can’t put a load of laundry on because he had to stay 5 minutes late at work and he’s sooooooo tired.

off putting if the man is a potential date or BF - would avoid!

would tolerate in a friend or family member with other good qualities and assume immaturity and/or that he finds some things a struggle!

One week he said he'd worked an extra 6 hours and felt like 'absolute death' and wouldn't be doing it again for his own sanity. 🙄

I would find that unattractive in someone his age. It's more like someone in their 70s, not 30s.

Sounds like hard work. And not someone you can rely on in a crisis. I wouldn't want to enter into a long term relationship.

Sounds like he can't handle even small amounts of stress. Perhaps due to past issues, who knows? That in itself is not a fault as such but his constant referral to it sounds draining. Him not recognising it's his inability to handle things (rather than the things themselves) is the issue isn't exactly showing any self awareness. So yes, it would be off-putting.

You're right yes, I suppose I don't truly know the context. The constant referral to 'personal issues ' but never giving any indication as to what.

It's the hyperbole, everything is always 'manic' 'chaos' "chocka' and so on.

Is he saying that the ‘too much going on’ is affecting his ability to meet you?

he does sound particularly fragile, maybe there are some deep seated issues he hasn’t divulged yet?

If this is early stage in relationship/ just dating I think you need to call it a day as you’re already annoyed by him.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with feeling overwhelmed by having a lot on, if you don’t have the empathy to deal with his feelings he’s obviously not for you. Nothing wrong with that on your part

What is your relationship to him? If he’s a new boyfriend perhaps he doesn’t want to disclose the personal issues yet.

could be something like past experiences or MH related.

i have a MH issue and at times pre DC found ‘normal’ working / adult life hard. I wouldn’t have offloaded to new people was dating in this way though!

or could be that he has a shit job he finds stressful.

I’d cut and run. I have a friend who is like this, and his marriage ended because of it. His wife did virtually everything for their children, around the house, shopping, cooking, life admin, as well as working FT, but he would be stressed for a week in advance if anything ‘extra’, like a parent-teacher evening, or taking the children to their swimming lesson on Saturday, came up. He would ask what I’d done at the weekend and I’d say something completely ordinary like going to the woods for a walk with DH and DS, grocery shopping, having friends over for brunch, and he’d go ‘Phew!’ as if I’d said I’d climbed Kilimanjaro while running a work event.

He's from OLD and is being a bit cagey about meeting so maybe it's just excuses. Maybe I am judging too harshly but it's the constant referral to it.

Tolerable in a friend but not in a partner. Imagine the “chaos” if you did actually have kids with him!

Well he's obviously not marriage or parent potential is he?

So if you want a husband &/or to have kids in the future then this isn't the man for you.

Is he a new boyfriend? Maybe he finds some situations and a deviation from his 'norm' overwhelming?

So he can’t even find time to meet you? Dumporama.

Is he an introvert?

Sometimes if I've I'd more than usual going on and had a work event plus some social events on that week I'll feel quite drained because it doesn't take much for my social battery to run low. I would probably feel like I'd had a really busy week when to other people it would be a breeze. Some people just need more down time.

I don't think I'd find it off putting but I'd want more context as to why he was this way.

He said the other day he doesn't want kids because he's seen the work that goes into it,so I guess I need to avoid as I potentially do want them.

I’d ditch him. He needs to find a kindred spirit.

Sounds like he wants to be mothered and looked after

yea it would be off putting