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Original poster

Told a guy I really liked him after 5 dates, said it was full on

58 replies

Moonpigdotcom1 · 24/02/2024 19:37

We'd spent several hours together on each date and talked a lot in between. We'd been intimate on the 4th date. Initially I hadn't seen him in that way but after 2 dates I decided to give it a chance.
Anyway, me telling him I 'liked him a lot ' was full on? It's not like I said I was in love or something.
It made me feel humiliated. He also said "how would I know if I liked you or not if I didn't sleep with you?" Which I think is vile.
Anyway, does it sound like I was too full on and scared him off?

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 24/02/2024 20:11

You are right - what he said is vile. Who would want something vile anywhere in their life, let alone in bed? Block him.

Original poster
Moonpigdotcom1 · 24/02/2024 20:20

Thank you so much, you're right he was vile I can do better.

OP posts:
ChanelNo19EDT · 24/02/2024 20:24

Eugh, he sees you more as a friend but you're really attractive. He's trying to leave you confused.

I hate this crap. "You're a friend" but I'm going to ignore every boundary between friendship and a committed relationship. Riiiight.

carelesser · 24/02/2024 20:26

Block and delete the twat. He doesn’t think anyone who wants him is worthy of him.

Hiddenvoice · 24/02/2024 20:27

I’ve been there! I didn’t like a guy that much but he seemed really interested and genuinely nice. I decided to put my doubts to the side and kept seeing him. We slept together and I told him I liked him.
He said exactly the same, seen me as a more of a friend but needed to sleep with me to make sure he was certain!

Don’t give it another thought, he’s a user and not worth your time!

Original poster
Moonpigdotcom1 · 24/02/2024 20:29

Why would someone need to sleep with you to know if they like you or not, it's vile 🤢

OP posts:
SpeedyDrama · 24/02/2024 20:33

He’s a walking red flag if there was ever one. Met a very similar one in my youth and I was daft enough to think just being shag buddies was good enough for me. I was worth better and he was worth zilch. Block and move on to someone who’s more worthy of you.

kshaw · 24/02/2024 21:03

He's wanting to remain friends. Friends that have sex. So he can keep you dangling and keep right swiping. It's so depressing out there!

ChanelNo19EDT · 24/02/2024 21:28

If he contacts you again, id say 'mixed messages not for me, im looking for somebody who sees the boundaries between a friendship and a relationship, but take care, good luck'

Make him fee like the shabby article that he is.

taylorswift1989 · 24/02/2024 21:35

Well now you know. Find someone nice who likes you too. Someone lovely and decent won't be scared away by normal feelings and communication.

Universalsnail · 24/02/2024 21:36

No not full on. I'd block him. What a dick.

NoFucksToGive · 24/02/2024 21:45

So he had to sleep with you to know if he likes you? Weirdo. This is one you need to cut loose and block. Don’t let this knock your confidence, in a normal relationship it’s ok to express your feelings, don’t give him one more minute of your time as he doesn’t deserve it. I agree with @ChanelNo19EDT

TwylaSands · 24/02/2024 21:46

Moonpigdotcom1 · 24/02/2024 19:53

He came out with he sees me more as a friend but thinks I'm 'really attractive ' 🤢

I dont s’eep with my friends. He isnt interested in a relationship. Block him.

FirstTimeMum897 · 24/02/2024 21:47

He's horrible. Block and move on.

notthatkindofFatCat · 24/02/2024 21:48

He's negging. Block asap.

WaltzingWaters · 24/02/2024 21:52

Think of this as a good thing- you’ve seen what a twat he is before too long. Cut him loose. He’s only after something casual and sounds like an utter twat.

bringmorewashing · 24/02/2024 21:54

Awful. I've experienced variations on this as well, it seems fairly common sadly. Move on without a second thought.

ladymalfoy45 · 24/02/2024 22:00

In the ideal world, Mumsnet would have an instant travel system that could whisk us all around to pubs near to posters who needed support.
So you ,OP, could stride into your 'local' and join a table of Mumsnetters who've already got the pitchers of ' whatever the fuck' cocktails in , and be reminded that it is most definitely HIM and not you.

Beach2lion · 24/02/2024 22:03

Moonpigdotcom1 · 24/02/2024 19:53

He came out with he sees me more as a friend but thinks I'm 'really attractive ' 🤢

What a twat. At least you know not to waste any more time on him OP. You didn’t do anything wrong.

AllSoComplicated · 24/02/2024 22:10

You've done a great thing there. If you'd not spoken up, you wouldn't have found out he's awful. Well done ✅👍🏻

In fact, I've read books on attachment and this is.exactly what they advocate. Be brave. Find out the truth through being true to yourself. You're not wasting your time now.

(Though it sucks being treated badly Flowers)

Beach2lion · 24/02/2024 22:11

ladymalfoy45 · 24/02/2024 22:00

In the ideal world, Mumsnet would have an instant travel system that could whisk us all around to pubs near to posters who needed support.
So you ,OP, could stride into your 'local' and join a table of Mumsnetters who've already got the pitchers of ' whatever the fuck' cocktails in , and be reminded that it is most definitely HIM and not you.

That sounds great and would solve a lot of loneliness too

RatatouillePie · 24/02/2024 22:13

Run a mile!!!!

This is a lucky escape!

Icedoatlattelove · 24/02/2024 22:13

Well he's done you a favour really. As you know he's a dickhead now. And you know 5 dates in rather than further down the line.

But it's obviously still upsetting. Take care of yourself x

Haydenn · 24/02/2024 22:16

Moonpigdotcom1 · 24/02/2024 20:29

Why would someone need to sleep with you to know if they like you or not, it's vile 🤢

It’s more about he wants to keep you guessing and in a place where you start trying to prove yourself. He’s told you he thinks you are attractive, so he now hopes you will start putting in the leg work to prove you are relationship material. Problem is you have seen him for what he is.

Don’t look back.

Fernsfernsferns · 24/02/2024 22:21

Moonpigdotcom1 · 24/02/2024 19:53

He came out with he sees me more as a friend but thinks I'm 'really attractive ' 🤢

‘A friend you find attractive’

is literally the definition of the basis for a good relationship

agree he sounds avoidant

i had too many of these men when I was younger OP so one going to say the next but nice and loud

ITS NOT YOU ITS HIM

he’s been manipulative - clearly you like each other and now he’s pushing you away.

its his loss.

from my experience he may well
regret it one day.

but honestly life is too short to waste on someone who will manipulate you in what’s supposed to be the great bit.

youll find someone better, I promise