to refuse to let my daughter and friends go for evening walk?

[orangesyellobanana]

12 years old.
Year7.
5 of them.
Want to go for a walk around the
block when it goes dark at 6, until 7.
I've said no. No need. They're having a sleepover so why can't they just chill here?
Apparently all their friends Mums are fine with it.

Lovely to see someone in AIBU take on board all the replies

I think it is the "evening walk" fiction that is making you uneasy, because you know perfectly well they aren't really going out for a spot of exercise. They are going to roam about unsupervised on the streets in the dark for a bit, one of them probably wants to vape, they want to see who they run into, and use their phones to either make calls you can't overhear or listen to music or watch stuff that would make you go .

If you live in a reasonably safe area and they absolutely promise to stay out of the parks they will be fine.

I must be in the minority. I don't think I'd allow DS14 and his friends to walk around the streets in the dark. It's not the done thing around here.

I must be in the minority. I don't think I'd allow DS14 and his friends to walk around the streets in the dark. It's not the done thing around here

But it's dark at 4pm in the winter. They need to get streetwise. He'll be leaving school soon. Walking around 6-7pm is not late at night.

You’re being totally out of order to suggest that a group of 12 year old girls couldn’t possibly want to just go for a walk, they don’t always have to be ‘misbehaving’. Might surprise you but some of us have good kids..!

agree!

Mine don’t either and none of their friends do.

I was a good kid, and even I didn't want to Go For A Walk when I was 12 FFS. I went out to hang around unsupervised with my friends and have conversations we could not have within our parents' hearing, and generally taste a bit of freedom. That is why we wanted to get out of the house for a bit, and that is why these girls are so set on getting out for a bit.

Nobody here knows what kind of area the OP lives in so can't really judge it. There's a huge difference between sleepy suburb mostly full of families, and a busy one with "all walks of life" present, as it were. Only OP can judge really.

Are they at yours for a sleepover? Yes you should let DD go but do you actually know all the others have permission, at 12 I would want to check with the others particularly as you said yourself you are usually the one who allows the most freedom.

DD and her friends enjoyed going on walks together at that age and still do at 19/20. Not everything is to do with bad intentions

This is true - I live in east London and the only kids allowed out without a destination are pretty rough. But I grew up in a suburb where kids can still be let out to roam, and many areas are like that.

Once my child can go out on his own, he’ll have a phone and I’ll have fine my phone so if I’m worried I can track him. I think you need to allow this as she’s 12 and it’s what I did at that age as long as he’s sensible and you know when she’s due back!

Well you were being a bit over protective OP and its hard when you are responsible for other people's kids.

You were definitely not being mean though! You've got five twelve yr olds for a sleepover. That's really good of you!
Good luck with getting any sleep 😆

@Lifeistough74

My mum was playing that in the 1940s! 😁

DD and her friends enjoyed going on walks together at that age and still do at 19/20. Not everything is to do with bad intentions

Okay, I give up - and I'm sure they will be happy for the OP to accompany them on their walk too! After all if they just want some fresh air and exercise, her presence won't be a problem at all.

I agree that it's probably fine. But it's not a 12 year old's choice.

At that age I was in the park drinking cider. And I had a very protective mum!

It's just a walk round the block.

How utterly ridiculous. So children cannot be without adult supervision, ever? Of course they don’t want their bloody mum following them round when they’re playing with their friends. There’s more options than having an adult breathing down their necks for them to have to be good, or them turning into complete delinquents because they happened to step outside of the house with no supervision

Are you always this difficult? If a group of girls going for a walk and chat together is that much of an issue for you I hope for your own sake you don’t have a teenage DD!

Some of us have the ability to put trust in our own kids not to do anything stupid. No 12 year old needs or wants their mum around their friends for obvious reasons. DD (now 19) is sitting here beside me and can confirm that nothing ever happened apart from a regular walk, chat and maybe a stop at the shop on the way for some snacks - Shock horror!

No reason not to let them but the only reason we went for walks at that age was to smoke or meet boys! So hopefully they have got something fun lined up…

This. How fucking ridiculous. Dd2 is 14 and has spent the day in Liverpool city centre with her mates. Going by her iPhone tracker she’s on the bus home. My 12yo is out with some neighbourhood kids, not sure how many. I can see on her app she’s been wandering around the estate, park and been to the shop. My ds 7 has been playing on the green outside with some kids who have just moved into the end house. He’s just come in as he’s hungry. He’ll run errands and messages for me sometimes to my friend in the next street, the same as walking round the block. My kids are always out. Starting to think I’m some sort of weirdo after this thread. Are 12 year old children really not allowed outside the house after 6pm???

Part of growing up is being out in the dark because it feels so grown up!

They've asked to go out at 6pm for an hour.

As long as the area isn't unsafe I don't see the problem with it.

I'm now going to read the thread to see if you let them go or not 😂

No, I wouldn't allow it. I wasn't allowed to do it myself (I wanted to) but the answer was 'no'. Going to x place and y place was fine - not wandering the streets at night.

Does your daughter and her friends want to do this walk around the block in the daytime? I suspect not.

Unless you live somewhere dreadful I think it's perfectly fine to do. Alone wouldn't be okay but as a group of friends is perfectly fine.

I understand it may feel daunting.

make sure she has her location shared on her phone.

make it clear that they all stick together.

have all of the girls phone numbers and make sure they have yours.

make it clear what time they have to be home, get them to set alarms on their phones if needs be.