I am absolutely sick of never having spare money

[lockd]

Anyone else feel the same?

We have enough money to pay our bills comfortably and are able to have the kids in a club each, so we are lucky really, which is where I feel so unreasonable always whinging about money.

However, that's literally it. I keep just getting so jealous seeing people going on family holidays, weekend trips away, meals out, having a takeaway night each week, going out to do activities like bowling/cinema every weekend with kids, renovating their houses etc.

I like to think I'm not a greedy person, however I'd just love to have the money to save to buy a house, or enough to have a cheap holiday each year, or even just get a takeaway without stressing.

You can only change your circumstances not theirs. Try and focus on al you do have if you can.

If you're working as hard as you can and budgeting as well as you can then I'd accept it and hope things get easier long term.

If you want to get out of the situation then yes budget etc but the easiest and most effective way out is to go up the career ladder. Or do extra hours. So extra quals, taking on more responsibility at work etc is likely the most effective way of improving your financial situation.

Big changes like adjusting your hours and reducing childcare, wfh or selling a car also make a difference.

Only do the little things if they are equally easier so going down a brand of ketchup or switching to Asda yes, driving around on a Saturday to get the best bargains, no.

However if your kids are young then it will get a bit easier if you lose nursery/after school fees.

Hang in there.

I was thinking about this this morning
I'm on lifelong disability benefits so I'm used to budgeting
I'm on the "wrong type" of benefits to qualify for the cost of living payments and although I own my flat outright my service charges have increased to £300 pcm.
Having no actual disposable income really sucks the joy out of life but I try to see it as I have everything I need, but not want which is more than some

So many posts say ‘we can cover our bills and feed the kids so I know we’re lucky really’.

Seriously how shit is it that we think being able to cover basic needs is lucky?

The OP has actually said she knows she's lucky! People in the world having to cope with much worse does not make her problem or feelings any less valid.

Be grateful you have a few scraps because we could take them away too?

Bizarre people around here at the moment

Stupid comment. How do you know she already isn't doing everything she can?

it's mn, you could say you have a week to live and you'd be told to be grateful you were born at all.

When I felt like this I knew the only way I could change it for me was to get some qualifications and hopefully have some doors open. That's exactly what happened, door after door. I now earn more than 2.5 times my original salary and have the things you describe above. It was hard work and lots of tears getting there. I'm not suggesting you should do that, everyone's situation is different.

Some of these replies 🙄
yeah, OP, you just need to work harder or get a second job, on top of your first one, plus looking after a family, housework etc.

We shouldn’t feel lucky to only exist to pay our bills.

To improve your finances you need to earn more or spend less.
To spend less you need to go through your bills and work out how much you need to cover all necessities. You could send a set amount to savings as soon as you get paid. An isa can be opened with a minimal amount and the interest is tax free. Some accounts advertise 7% but it’s nowhere near 7% pa when you can only add a max of£150 and it’s only for 1 year so you start again.
To earn more - set up a bank account like starling ( no rewards for opening this account). Then move said account to banks offering cashback. If you both do this you could make £375 each atm. Lloyds is £175 and NatWest is £200. My daughter recently turned 18 and I’ve helped her to do this. Another way is to use cashback websites for online shopping and refer your friends too. Move your broadband every time you’re out of contract. You’ll get a better deal and we’ve had up to £100 cashback.
When my children were small I always bought them the best clothes I could afford but always in the sales. Quality over quantity. These were then passed onto cousins but I could have sold them if I needed the money. They don’t need a lot when they’re at school wearing uniform all week.
Coukd one of you do a couple of evening shifts a week in a local pub or restaurant? The tips alone might be worth a few hours out of the house one weekend evening and it’s money in your money straight away!

...and when you think you have clawed your way out of it, roof springs a leak. Bloody relentless, whatever I save somehow instantly gets drained on repairs/health/other emergencies.

If you’re both already working full time then I’m not sure if adding more hours to your working week will help. Everyone needs downtime to rest and recover. I hope it gets better for you as your children grow up.

I just wanted to add in my ten pence to the discussion. Over 15 years ago I was renting in London, broke, in about 15k of credit card debt, was drinking too much and spending too much time in hedonistic mode. I knew I had to stop drinking and straighten up so I moved up north to be near my sister and started again, basically. Gave up drinking. Felt much better off straight away tbh. Worked two jobs to clear the debt as soon as possible. Got fit. Retrained and found after a false start a company I loved and then just kept going on from there. Met my husband and things just started to click into place, including on the money side of things. Things can turn around and get much better. Maybe you can do something to change direction a little career wise? But I also recognise how difficult it is in this country with property and food prices as they are atn to feel you are able to change direction so just wanted to say it's tough but can be done.

It’s so funny that people in privileged positions often don’t acknowledge the structures which exist in society that make it really difficult for people to break out of generational poverty.

The ‘I’ve done everything for myself’ but oh wait, my mum gave me half the deposit for my house and was able to retire early to look after my kids while I went to work.

Or even the smallest things like my parents could afford a tutor when it looked like I was going to fail my GCSEs so I ended up going to uni…

The have you tried budgeting people should really think about what they could or could not live off. Even if OP could save an extra £30 a week she would still feel the same because 1 takeaway doesn’t stop the feeling of living cheque to cheque… of the fear that if your washing machine breaks your totally fucked.

I get why you must feel shitty OP but I bet you’re a great mum and your kids will grow up understanding the value of money x

There will always be those that seem to have the spare money to do nice things. We don’t have a lot left over after we’ve paid our bills, we save monthly for Christmas. Holidays are usually in the Uk but we have to save for them. I’m fortunate that I can do extra shifts at work so I use that when we want to do extra things such as holidays etc.

I’ve also stopped buying stuff on vinted and unnecessarily stuff and really scrutinized my spends so that I can make my money work better for me.
it’s rough for lots of people. You’re not on your own

It's the constant grind and mind numbing mental strain of budgeting every penny to just break even.
It horrible and soul destroying.
Hugh's for you op

Yes I agree with this. It’s not having the spare cash to just sometimes buy something frivolous to make you smile. Hang in there OP

I would move countries if you’re in the UK. The cost of living is shit and you can’t get ahead.

There will be people who have received inheritances they don't talk about, or families who have "spare money" but it's actually all going on their credit card. There are also people who genuinely have spare money each month, those who could shave a few ££ but don't think they can vs those that can't physically cut anything at all. Everyone has different circumstances and as you say, if you're seeing this on social media, you won't know what category someone falls into. Comparison can make someone very unhappy!

For anyone struggling with money I'd always recommend doing an income and expenditure statement, whether that's on here or something like the MSE forum- you might think there's nothing you could cut back on and it's possible there is, or someone can confirm you're right and that it's an extremely tight budget. No harm in trying though, just in case. It's not always as simple as "increase your income" either, but again some people do have some great money making tricks.

It is ok to feel crap about life sometimes and I think SM makes it worse. However there is a time in life especially when children are young that's it a really struggle financially. It usually gets better over the medium to long term. Not sure if you are in this situation.

However what I think might be different now is that the divide between those with assets (houses) and those who rent is now vast. The inequality is great..those renting are paying a fortune in rent with very little chance of the situation changing

Everyone needs to feel that their lives will get better and owning a home was one milestone, which seems more challenging for many people

I do think those that receive large sums from inheritance or bank of mum & dad are very fortunate and that is causing greater disparity. I don't know what the answer is....it's not another conservative government, that's for sure!

Agree.

We're trying to buy a house this year, and it's been stressful from the word go! We'd long since declared 2024 as "The Year Of The House", and knew we wanted to really tighten our belts financially, while we got through this and are settled into the new place. We know there's an amazing thing waiting for us at the end, and it'll be worth it. But when we see our friends swanning around on holidays, shopping trips, meals out etc, it can be rough.
But then we remember that they've very likely got cars on finance (we bought ours outright after saving), little to no savings and sky-high mortgages.

It’s not going out for a meal with friends because you can’t justify the expense.
It’s not buying a book or a magazine.
It’s saying no to the cinema, the theatre or a show.
It’s hoping the washing machine keeps going.
It’s knowing that the carpets, kitchen cupboards, curtains, appliances, furniture, have to last because there isn’t enough in the budget to replace them.

Having enough to live on is fine and we’re fortunate to have that, of course. But when there isn’t any spare, it feels a bit joyless sometimes.

I must start a gratitude journal!

I've been trying to find a quiz for you OP but cannot find it. It asled about what you own (e.g a fridge), your assets, access to education, access to food/water, income etc. When I did it a few years ago, it said we were in the top 4% of the global population in terms of "overall wealth". We are by no means high earners either, altho we do have a mortgaged house. It really put things into perspective for me.

I would recommend getting off social media. Every now and again some of my friends take detoxes from it and announce they're having a break for a month or whatever. I haven't had Facebook or anything since 2010. Im much happier for it.

Yep. If only she worked longer hours or got a second job she'd have more money to spend... while she's at work 🙄

And it begins... my 102 year old aunt I never met died and left me 200 million, I'd prefer if she was still here instead of the money.

😆😆