Child doesn't really laugh / smile

[delaysdelays]

Dd2 will smile if she sees a TV character she likes or I give her cake, or maybe if we go to the park and she recognises where we are. She's recently started nursery and she does smile when she sees me.

But she doesn't really smile more than a couple of times a day. She never giggles or laughs apart from when I'm tickling her before bed, to be honest it's probably tiredness, and I'm doing it more for me than her as it's really difficult parenting a child who doesn't show much enjoyment.

I'm a lone parent so apart from nursery a few mornings a week we are together.
I'm facing another weekend trying to muster up the enthusiasm to take her out and try and 'have fun' because it's just me trying to be cheerful and pretend we are having a good time.

I say 'trying' and 'pretend' because as an adult I don't really enjoy going to soft play/the park on my own. Because it feels on my own because my child doesn't really fully participate (if that makes sense).

I don't have any local friends with kids my age and if I do meet people their children are much more advanced (my DD doesn't talk either) she babbles when she's alone like in her cot in the morning, or around the house, but not to me.

I think the talking will come. But will the smiles/laughter?

I'm not a grump and I'm cheerful at home and when we are out. I talk to people and I'm friendly.

AIBU to get depressed parenting a child who doesn't delight in life (which I assumed most children did in their own ways?)

That sounds hard. Is she meeting other milestones? Do nursery have concerns?

Some people just smile less than others. On the other hand, it sounds like there might be some signs of autism.

Some people are less expressive, she might be enjoying it in her own way.

Is she a calm and content child?

It sounds like you are doing a marvellous job in difficult circumstances,

PPs are right, what you're describing can be signs of Neurodivergence and I'd speak to a GP for a check in and just to keep an eye on her development.

Likely she's just a more serious little soul, and that's a beautiful thing too.

My daughter was extremely serious and quite negative (when she could talk) until she was about 10. I did a decade of endless positivity, cheerfulness and pretending we were having fun. Hit puberty and it's like she's a different child! Fun, funny, playful, positive. She's so much like me now, everyone calls her my mini me. It's weird thinking back but I'm so glad I kept up the positivity because I think she was absorbing it all until she was ready to give it back out.

Oh and my daughter is neurodiverse. I'd say it's a definite trait.

How old is little one? My daughter was a bit of grump/had a shy temperament until about 3.5. I just heard a lot of ‘oh, has just woken up’.. I let it go over my head after so many times of explaining it’s just her face.

Does little want seem like she takes a little while to warm up? Seem quite reserved and not really into loud environments? I found the literature around highly sensitive children interesting.

In any case, perhaps your HV may have some further guidance. It’s really good to log concerns with a health practitioner so they can build a clearer picture over time of any future worries.

Btw, my little girl is now 6, is very happy and laughs pretty much all the time. It may just be your LO’s temperament, for now xx

That sounds so hard. Have you asked nursery what she’s like there? Have they made any comment about this to you ? If not, I’d ask them to observe her at times you’d expect a child to smile/laugh - ie when other children are laughing at a silly /funny story, or game etc. Does she smile at any of the staff or helpers ?

what is her play like at home? If you put out toys, will she play with them, show interest in them? Has she any favourite toys /activities/books/songs?

as you say, the speech on its own isn’t out the ordinary . And she’s babbling to herself when she wakes which is good. She could be a generally serious little girl and not a sunny, chirpy one. check with nursery and even if they say she is different there than to how she is at home, see your GP/HV if your mind isn’t put at rest. It always worth following up on how you feel .

My daughter and now granddaughter were both the same until about 3.5 years .
Just quite shy really. Have now got a very expressive chatterbox 4 year old granddaughter. They are all different.
Daughter is a very confident, sociable adult now.

Aww, don't feel down. That might just be how she is. It doesn't mean she isn't having fun. My youngest was a bit like this. You'd look at her thinking she was hating something then she'd ask to go again! I remember being so excited when I managed to get a photo of her smile as most pics were just a blank face. She laughs and smiles plenty now she is older. But she still often just has a blank expression when doing something fun.

How old is your DD?

Friends eldest DD was like this and she’s is ND - autism

She's 2.

Yes blank face all the time.
She's the easiest child to look after she sleeps & eats really well. Even takes medication (calpol/antibiotics etc) with no fuss. Doesn't like me brushing her teeth, but I assume that's standard!

I wouldn't say she's content because it's impossible to know, but she definitely doesn't tantrum or whine unless she's ill.
She doesn't really respond to strangers/nursery workers.
Anyone who makes a fuss or her gets nothing, literally nothing.
She does to my family as she knows them more, but we only see them a few times a year.
She seems to have good understanding and now she's started nursery I'm trying not to baby her so much and ask her to do things (like put the toys back in the toy box) which she silently does.

Because she's so blank I wasn't expecting much from her IYSWIM - but I think she understands me most of the time.
She's only just started walking so I think that's taking up most of my focus as that was physically hard work having to pick up/carry her all the time and became really painful because my back couldn't take it.

Not very interested in toys, likes books and TV (we only watch a few programmes so she's very familiar with the ones we watch).
Her eyes do light up when she see things she likes, biscuits, fruit - she loves food and eats all the foods I do, I don't have to cater differently for her, eats veggies no problem, even steals them off my plate, but she loves 'junk' food so she does get pleased if we have cake/biscuits etc and smiles then.
Smiles in the bath and if I blow bubbles or throw her in the air.
She knows all the songs/nursery rhythms from the playgroups and home, but won't join in the actions or get excited. She would never squeal with delight. She will clap and want you to clap her when she does well at something.

I think she has autism, she only gives me eye contact occasionally.

In so many ways she's so so so easy, but it's starting to hit me how one sided it all is, and non-relational. If I see other parents with their children it really hits me and I feel real shame that we don't have the connection they do. It's like they are 3D and we are 2D.

For example some babies/children will cry when they see parents pick them up from nursery so they get a cuddle and some fuss. Mine will see me and come over to me and want to picked up, but it's more like 'good, my taxi home has arrived'.

I've no issue with her being shy (although it's not that) or serious - just wanted to hear what everyone thinks

Is she just 2 or nearer to 3?
What do nursery say about her?
Does she say any recognisable words?

GP says wait and see.
Because there's no extreme (thankfully) issues and it seems to be more social stuff and she's so healthy looking I doubt anything will be done until she goes to school if she's not speaking by then.

Please go to hv and gp and ask for referral to paediatrcian for full assessment
She isnt talking
She just walked
She seems overly quiet
It might add up to something and might need intervention

Can you self refer to speech therapy assessment?
Do the m chat test yourself

https://mchatscreen.com/

Only just 2.
Too new at nursery, they just praise her/me because she's settled there so well (yes because she doesn't display emotion) and obviously at her age they don't play together or take much notice of their peers.
She sits and eats nicely, so she looks like she's neat and 'well-mannered' which isn't really the case, more that she's self-contained I think.

This sounds just like my niece who is now 8 and is very likely autistic - her school keep pushing for assessment but her parents refuse, saying she’ll get there in her own time she doesn’t (and never has) played with toys, rarely smiles, very blank expression, doesn’t speak much, huge meltdowns and doesn’t seem to know appropriate interaction. For example she was round here last week, playing with my DS (who is nearly one) with a shape sorter toy. Where most kids would pass him the shapes and show him how to put them in the holes, she just did it herself over and over, completely ignoring DS even when he tried to get her attention. It’s like humans don’t hold any interest/enjoyment for her at all, if that makes sense.

Anyway, it’s good you’ve picked it up this early, I’m certain with early intervention my niece’s life would be much easier than it is, so please push for referral. You can make a lot of progress while she is still little.

Does she not say any words at all? Can you contact the HV and ask for speech therapy referral? What do nursery say about her lack of words?

My dd was just like this. She was diagnosed with autism aged 6.

Perhaps she does have autism and is a thoughtful and measured girl. She has plenty of time yet to surprise you with what her approach to life will be and to find out more about who she is. There's a lot more childhood to go and her brain isn't fully formed yet, she's still learning and growing every day. Trust that everything you put in will be absorbed and help her to thrive even if you don't see the joy right now. Dc change so much at this age that you don't know what she will be like in a year or two. Have you spoken to your health visitor about your concerns?

I've asked for referrals but still waiting after 6 months for any of them to come through, we need a hearing test to get considered for SALT but we can't even get a test.

The NHS is so wearing, I keep raising my concerns and all the professionals agree there is obviously development delay, but then nothing happens. I find it hard not to lose heart that there is something that I should be doing but I'm not sure what?

I'll try and talk to the HV again, maybe I can pay for a private hearing test and that might get round that barrier.

What's her understanding like? If you read her a book, can she point to things if you ask her to?

Does she get overwhelmed if there are too many people around or too much noise? Does she seek you out then?

Yes understands from books I think, can point to animals.

I take her on the underground and she's not bothered by the noise/crowds. She's mildly interested and just quietly sits in her pushchair. Doesn't seem uncomfortable. Doesn't respond when people try and chat to her. Does like/prefer men and will respond more to them over women, she's not bothered about women at all I don't know if that's a ND thing or just that men are a much rarer commodity in a toddlers world (no Dad, he left before she was born and they have no contact).

There are lots and lots of activities you can do with her at home to get the ball rolling while waiting.

https://www.parents.com/baby/health/autism/early-autism-intervention-activities-for-babies/

They’re basically fun activities and games which encourage communication so you’ve nothing to lose by trying them.