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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is he too full-on or is this just normal interest?

58 replies

Pizzzzza · 23/02/2024 18:01

Yesterday met a guy for coffee for a couple of hours, a friend of a friend who I've already spoken to a bit.
He seemed nice enough, wouldn't say there was a massive spark but we had a great conversation.
After leaving we texted a bit and then he told me he's going to see a film tomorrow evening (I'm working) and joked i would've been welcome to join if I hadn't been working/it was a bit out of my way. I just sent a polite reply.
Anyway he's just texted me 30 minutes ago saying he'd really like to see me again next week if I'm free , we could go see a film or just hang out.
Not sure if he's being too full on or am I just not into him?

OP posts:

ItsMostProbablyMe · 23/02/2024 18:16

I'm the most anti commitment woman in the world fucking trust me. But this isn't full on. He just likes you. At this point anyway! Take it as a compliment for now

Rosestulips · 23/02/2024 18:17

You’re obviously not interested in taking it further. If you were you’d be excited at the prospect of seeing him again however intense the venue is.

gemloving · 23/02/2024 18:18

Makes me realise how shit dating is these days. To tell someone you'd like to see them again the week after to see a film is full on. Gosh!

If you don't like him, just tell him.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 23/02/2024 18:18

A week in Paris would be intense - a trip to a movie, not so much

WinterSprings · 23/02/2024 18:18

The guy asked for a second date. That’s not too full on. How were you expecting to ever get past a first date if no one asked the other…?
Doesn’t sound like you’re into him, so just tell him that. End of.

WhatAMessAgain123 · 23/02/2024 18:20

To be fair to the OP, it’s never fun telling someone you don’t want to see them again. Even casually saying you don’t feel a spark is still going to be a kick in the teeth for him.

Original poster

Pizzzzza · 23/02/2024 18:21

I'd like to see him again as a friend, maybe.

OP posts:

thistimelastweek · 23/02/2024 18:21

He likes you. Expressed level of interest seems appropriate.
He didn't light your fire but might be a slow burn.
I'd give one date a try and see how it goes.

Userengage · 23/02/2024 18:22

Normal interest level as per all the other posters. However, you’re not interested so just say so.
This is how people find themselves forced into relationships with people that they have not interest in because they cannot say no.

Fucketyfecketyfoo · 23/02/2024 18:22

Come as my plus one to my twin brother’s wedding in Las Vega- too full on.

Going to cinema next week- yes please.

Userengage · 23/02/2024 18:23

Pizzzzza · 23/02/2024 18:21

I'd like to see him again as a friend, maybe.

If you mean it (i.e you could use more friends) say that but I think it’s might give him false hope if he’s hoping for more.

LizFromMotherland · 23/02/2024 18:23

WhatAMessAgain123 · 23/02/2024 18:20

To be fair to the OP, it’s never fun telling someone you don’t want to see them again. Even casually saying you don’t feel a spark is still going to be a kick in the teeth for him.

It's what adults do when we're dating though.

PersephonePomegranate23 · 23/02/2024 18:24

I thought about just telling him I'm working a lot next week so I'll have to let him know, seems kinder than just saying no?

No, because he thinks you're nice and will likely take you at your word. Don't leave him hanging, be a grown up and say thanks but no thanks.

LBFseBrom · 23/02/2024 18:27

Pizzzzza · 23/02/2024 18:03

I don't want to hurt his feelings.. does he sound OTT or just normal interest? I can't tell. He hasn't said anything else.

Show quote history

He sounds fine, absolutely normal, but if you are not interested, just be unavailable when he asks you out again. He'll be OK, it's not as if you are being insulting.

Firawla · 23/02/2024 18:28

It’s not full on you just obviously are not into him

takemeawayagain · 23/02/2024 18:31

If you're only interested in seeing him as a friend then just tell him that. Pretending you're busy with work is just confusing and childish. It's not letting him down gently it's just giving him mixed messages as he'll have no idea if you genuinely are busy or are just giving him the brush off.

You're being very weird about it all IMO.

Lindy2 · 23/02/2024 18:32

Well it's been a while since I dated but:

meet for coffee and have nice conversation
send a message a day or two later asking if you would like to meet up again, perhaps go to the cinema.

That sounds like perfectly normal dating to me. Not full on. Not aloof.

Its also perfectly normal to not have strong feelings for someone after meeting up with them once. Dating is about getting to know someone over time over a number of different dates to see how you both feel. Or at least that's how it used to be. No wonder it's so stressful if everything has to instantly be perfect to even move on to a second date these days.

Riapia · 23/02/2024 18:43

OP, the replies you’ve had so far have been from women with experience in dating. When you’re early teens and you’re not experienced in dating it is more difficult.

Bax765 · 23/02/2024 18:45

Suggesting meeting up again is completely normal.

A cinema is not an intense venue for a date.

If you aren't interested, just be honest. "I enjoyed coffee but I'm not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Good luck for the future!"

BobbyBiscuits · 23/02/2024 18:47

I think you're finding it full on because you don't really fancy him. That's fine. He clearly likes you. Or he could be the type to get too keen to quick with every girl he meets. Difficult to say. Presuming you are dating other people, so yeah just be busy. If you want to see him again ask him to meet when and where suits you.

Rialoulou · 23/02/2024 18:48

What part do you think is full on? Jeez!

IslandsintheStream24 · 23/02/2024 18:48

It’s absolutely fine. If you want to see him of course. It’s not clear. I can’t see the problem with asking you to the cinema. What do you actually want him to do?

The seeing him ‘as friends’ isn’t fair though if that is all you want.

Hoolahoo · 23/02/2024 18:49

Just be honest with him OP, if you're not feeling it and don't want to see him again then tell him. It might seen harsh initially, but he'll be even more hurt if he thinks you want to see him again and then just keep telling him you're busy or working.

ancienticecream · 23/02/2024 18:52

Feeling a "spark" is overrated IMO. Some great relationships are slow burners.

I don't think it's full on. If you like him, see him again. If you don't, then tell him you don't really fancy it. That's okay!

DiscoBoots · 23/02/2024 19:13

I agree with PP. When I was dating I took people at face value and it someone had said they couldn't see me because they were busy with work then I'd believe them and assume they were still interested potentially.

Much kinder to say 'i had a great time but I don't see this turning into a dating thing so happy to go see Dune as friends but I won't take offence if you'd rather take someone else!'

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