Poverty trap? What to do

[Duckingfun]

I’m on benefits due to having a disabled child who currently isn’t in school.
I want to work, when he’s at a suitable school I will be looking for work. However my rent has now increased in my council house to just under £1k there is no way I can afford it if I work. The better off website says I will be something like £90 a month better off, I want to work but I don’t want to work 40+ hours a week for £90 and then I’d be worse off after travel/childcare etc
Whats the answer? I can’t move and it just feels so unfair that the council raise the rent to the top limit of what they can.

I cannot imagine working in the field with individuals who have vulnerabilities, acting like the big “I am” online with all my experience with such a lack of basic compassion and empathy.

@Duckingfun I have worked in the field for a lot longer and I do appreciate the difficulties you face. I do not think you sound like you don’t want to work, I think you are beginning to look and worrying. You’ve had some excellent advice so I won’t repeated it. I would strongly encourage you to get a proper benefits check from Citizens Advice. Those online calculators are not always accurate. Your local area will have a carers organisation, so please contact them. They will have specific targeted support to assist carers into education and employment.
You are a strong, capable woman who has survived domestic violence and you’re single handedly raising 2 children with additional needs. I’m sure you have plenty to offer the workforce so I hope you can find a way to balance it all.

The OP is saving the state thousands a year by giving up paid employment and being a carer

@BouncingJAS for how many years have you been a U.K. tax payer?

I have paid more in UK tax in the last 10 years than all of you combined.

And thats me being generous.

In future if you want advice on SEN matters, the SN boards are friendly with posters who understand.

Please prove it.

Sincerely,
the King of England

Did you miss the bit where I'm the mother of a disabled child. And also that child's carer. In the exact same location as OP. Oh, and work for a charity that helps people like OP, and those in general poverty, with food, fuel, children, housing, benefits, specifically in the Norfolk area.

Just because I'm calling OP out on things she's claiming she can't do (which I know can be done, having done those things multiple times a month with other people) she doesn't like it.

It is amazing someone who supports parents with disabled DC doesn’t know the UC childcare element isn’t available to single carers. Or that the LHA doesn’t apply to council tenants. Or that there are many medically complex DC in schools. Or that many carers can’t work and it isn’t a choice for many. Or a SS without an EHCP is extremely rare in the current climate, it just doesn’t happen in OP’s situation. Or that EOTAS and s19 provision are not in effect homeschooling. Or that there are thousands of DC out of school across the country, including in Norfolk - on the 2nd Aug 2023 a FOI showed there were, at that time, 349 DC in Norfolk with EHCPs without a school placement, some of those will have EOTAS but by no means the majority or even half.

Than all of us combined 😂😂 I hope if you ever have a disabled child you’ll continue to work full time (with the child by your side - no excuses!) and not claim anything.

1. your child isn’t with you 24/7
2. your calculations are 30k off
3. not many people can just move somewhere else
4. your ‘help’ is in trying to bring someone down who is worried about going to work and being able to afford a high rent

there has been helpful posters, you’re not one of them

@WillYouPutYourCoatOn why don’t you the OP of your charity so she can seek support? Appreciate you don’t want to publicise it on here.

Apologies I haven't had time to read the whole thread just yet but just going from my personal experience I'd be very wary of being totally reliant on benefits in the long term.

Obviously you are a bit stuck right now, which I completely understand, I know just how impossible it can be to get and keep employment when you are also the full time carer for disabled children. As soon as you are able to though I would do whatever you can to get back into work, even part time to keep your foot in the door, because one day your disabled children will be disabled adults and then (as far as I'm aware) any extra UC payments for this element will stop.

What you really don't want is to suddenly find a drop of several hundred ££ in your benefits entitlement and a 10 year gap in your CV which will make getting a job that much harder when you really need it.

This was exactly the position I found myself in!

The child element and severely disabled child element would cease when DC are no longer qualifying children or young people but when adults OP’s DC can apply for UC themselves if necessary or an appointee on their behalf can.

your child isn’t with you 24/7

Neither would yours be, just he wasn't like before, if you sorted out the school provision and kept on at the LA.

your calculations are 30k off

You are failing to provide the information to explain why the figures are £30k off. Because the situation you are putting forward, two of us have done the calcs and you are not providing the full story somewhere, because those are the results on the information you've given in this thread.

not many people can just move somewhere else

Loads can, and do. I see this weekly.

your ‘help’ is in trying to bring someone down who is worried about going to work and being able to afford a high rent

Pointing out that you are not correct because I happen to do the exact job that deals with these kind of situations in the exact location you live is not "bringing you down" and it's disingenuous to play that card. You aren't correct. It's simply that. Whether that be through genuinely believing certain things and never properly checking them, or otherwise. I've shown you specifically how easy it is to work around that. I've given you the name of the fund to apply to specifically in Norfolk who will sort your deposit and moving costs. You just do your weird "fantasy land" speech. You're literally being spoon fed the solution. All you have is non obstacles as a response.

Whatever is the point.

I can only tell her what I (and others) have on this thread. It helps hundreds that come through our doors each year.

According to OP it's all fantasy.

I had thought about that, but I imagine as DS hits 16, will be when OP does a claim for DD, so she's got another 10yrs or so of the same.

Neither would yours be, just he wasn't like before, if you sorted out the school provision and kept on at the LA.

Neither JR and/or SENDIST solve the issue here and now. OP is working towards a school placement, another consultation has gone out.

I thought the charity offered more than just benefit advice. It could afford OP the opportunity to speak to someone empathetic and really improve her life.

I would never ever say “what’s the point?”. People change in their mindset. I’d want to offer the help. She’s in your area. It sounds a fantastic service. Even if there is a 0.1% chance, I would want to help someone.

She's in talks with a newly opening SS, yes? Was that via LA recommendation or consultant or just OP making phonecalls, did she say? I think I know which one that must be (well, one of two, but I'm leaning towards one in particular as she says he has been refused a school in the last 3 counties so I'm guessing extreme behavioural difficulties, might be wrong). If that is the case, there's a SS about two minutes from my work which is for children with these needs... but most parents refuse a place from the start because inherently the other children there are quite extreme.

One woman in particular I've helped was housed in Norfolk after fleeing previous county due to DV. She has 4DC. One extreme additional needs, EHCP, SS. She was initially in emergency accommodation and has been housed on a really nice local estate. She arrived in mid Nov. It took NCC 5 weeks to sort out his new SS placement. The best school for him is actually 20 miles away and he has a paid taxi taking him too and from there daily. It's not impossible. And yes, yes, every child is different, but OP's situation won't be so different to anything ever seen before. We cover 3000 people in the immediate area.

If you bothered to read the OP’s posts you will see she posted “There’s a new school recently opened, very tiny and unique and seems perfect for ds so we’re consulting with them along with around 10 others. We were refused a place at every mainstream/special/private school in 3 counties”

Consulting has a specific legal meaning in EHCP terms (it isn’t just the parent calling/emailing or even visiting) and consultations are via the LA.

It's not impossible.

For some, it is. There is a rapidly growing number for whom there is no suitable school and who require bespoke EOTAS packages (which may not look like anything anyone else has in the LA because they are bespoke) which often takes an appeal, which OP can’t do yet, especially for a good package. Brilliant for the example you gave. Doesn’t and can’t work like that for many.

We offer food support. Benefit support. Fuel support. Children related support. College courses. Volunteer opportunity. Housing assistance. Funding assistance. Meetings with both local and county councillors. SEN support. Mental health support.

We are all very good at what we do. We are a tiny team with an enormous outreach. We have a great deal of empathy, knowledge, and resources. However, is it not "lacking in empathy" to recognise someone who just wants to vent with no real intention of helping themselves. One of the key things is you quickly notice things just not adding up in their stories. And I would say a good 30% of people who come in to us, fit this criteria. The people who genuinely want to sort their finances/lives out, we can literally turn their lives around. However we have to get quickly attuned to those who are just looking to vent, but don't accept the effort they need to put into the solution. Because it's a waste of our time putting resources this way, when we have so many genuine people to help. It would be lovely to be a listening ear to everyone regardless. There are helplines people can call, when they just want to vent but take no action to change the problem.

Brilliant for the example you gave. Doesn’t and can’t work like that for many.

Except it also does and can work like that for many. Because that's what my colleague does. (I'm more finance/volunteers, she's more housing/children but we overlap a lot). And we di this specifically in Norfolk. With many parents. Why are you so determined for OP to be such an "unhelpable" case? It's equally likely she's no different to many of the parents we see. For her child (who has already attended school) to be unplaceable would be more unlikely. The only times we see this become an issue is when one (or even two/three) placements are found and the parent will still be insisting that it's not good enough for their child, whilst declaring the council is doing nothing to school their child. Now, given what I've read, that I can believe.

Good point about the DLA - it absolutely is for the additional cost of a disability. Not sure how scope come up with these figures.
It's a large amount to be getting.

You just live in your own little world don’t you. Because I’ve not been on my knees in gratitude for your frankly useless advice I must be a certain type of person? Urgh do us all a favour and stop posting please.