Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To visit new neighbours after racism

60 replies

Camsclownshoes · 23/02/2024 13:31

we moved into our small neighbourhood 5 years ago. It is very ‘white’. Most people have lived here for more than one generation. We are not local but we are white. This year has seen a Pakistani couple and two Indians renting properties on the road. I have never met them but heard about them from a neighbor. Last week someone painted “no blacks” on a wall near where they are renting. I have no idea who it was but clearly someone local as there aren’t many passers by who don’t live here. I feel horrible to be part of a neighborhood where this would happen. AIBU to go to the new tenants home and introduce myself so they know there is someone friendly nearby? Or is that horribly condescending? I feel that I have to do something. The graffiti has since been washed off and it was not reported. I don’t even know if the new people have seen it.

OP posts:
HelloMiss · 23/02/2024 13:33

How do you know it wasn't reported?

Original poster
Camsclownshoes · 23/02/2024 13:34

Well I know the person who owns where it was painted and the person who found it washed it off together and didn’t report. I suppose someone else may have.

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 23/02/2024 13:36

I think it’s good to be a friendly neighbour regardless so I would go and say hi.

2mummies1baby · 23/02/2024 13:36

I would definitely go and introduce yourself, but without mentioning the graffiti.

2mummies1baby · 23/02/2024 13:37

And if you see any more graffiti, report it immediately.

Floppyelf · 23/02/2024 13:38

Camsclownshoes · 23/02/2024 13:31

we moved into our small neighbourhood 5 years ago. It is very ‘white’. Most people have lived here for more than one generation. We are not local but we are white. This year has seen a Pakistani couple and two Indians renting properties on the road. I have never met them but heard about them from a neighbor. Last week someone painted “no blacks” on a wall near where they are renting. I have no idea who it was but clearly someone local as there aren’t many passers by who don’t live here. I feel horrible to be part of a neighborhood where this would happen. AIBU to go to the new tenants home and introduce myself so they know there is someone friendly nearby? Or is that horribly condescending? I feel that I have to do something. The graffiti has since been washed off and it was not reported. I don’t even know if the new people have seen it.

You’re all kinds of kind. Go and say Hi. In my road, although we are introverts, the respect we have for our kind and welcoming neighbours are plenty.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 23/02/2024 13:38

2mummies1baby · 23/02/2024 13:36

I would definitely go and introduce yourself, but without mentioning the graffiti.

This is what I would do as well.

Onlyvisiting · 23/02/2024 13:41

It would be a bit much to go and discuss other people's attitudes and basically saying we don't mind that you Arent White.
Dropping round with something baked/edible and a general welcome to the neighbourhood etc or even just a card with the same message through the door would I think be a nice gesture and show a friendly face. It would have the same effect without the risk of being a bit condescending IYSWIM.

BunniesRUs · 23/02/2024 13:43

It would be so nice of you to do this. 100%. Very kind of you and thank god people like you exist. How awful to have that sort of graffiti. What region are you in?

Original poster
Camsclownshoes · 23/02/2024 13:44

Onlyvisiting · 23/02/2024 13:41

It would be a bit much to go and discuss other people's attitudes and basically saying we don't mind that you Arent White.
Dropping round with something baked/edible and a general welcome to the neighbourhood etc or even just a card with the same message through the door would I think be a nice gesture and show a friendly face. It would have the same effect without the risk of being a bit condescending IYSWIM.

Yes this is what I’m hesitating for. They’ve been here for a few weeks at least so are hardly brand new neighbours so it seems a bit weird to suddenly be welcoming them. I definitely won’t mention the graffiti.

OP posts:
MinervatheGreat · 23/02/2024 13:45

I live in a long established road and know nearly all my tribe by name! However, lots of houses are now rentals which has changed the dynamic a bit.

I usually put a “Good luck in your new home” card thru their door and sign my name and house number. If I actually see them, I offer my mobile number.

You could also say you’d like to meet them sometime and offer a cuppa one afternoon?

I do this and/or look out for new neighbours in the road when I’m out and about.
I have a chat and make sure they know which house is mine.
Works well.

SameSameButDeliverance · 23/02/2024 13:46

As others have said, go and introduce yourself.

I would also call the local police and tell them about the graffiti.

LizFromMotherland · 23/02/2024 13:47

Camsclownshoes · 23/02/2024 13:34

Well I know the person who owns where it was painted and the person who found it washed it off together and didn’t report. I suppose someone else may have.

Why not you?

You haven't visited your new neighbours to welcome them and you haven't reported the racist graffiti?

I still think you should visit them but yeah, it might be a case of too little too late for them.

Hope not.

pikkumyy77 · 23/02/2024 13:47

People don’t overthink kind gestures. Just go over with some anodyne baked goods on a disposable plate so they don’t have to return it. Smile, introduce yourself, and go. You will have made the community a safer, friendlier, place for everyone.

DistingusedSocialCommentator · 23/02/2024 13:49

How does your "nifigbour know that they are "Pakistani and Indian??

Stuff like that painted on wall, if I was to see it I'd call the police, no ifs, no buts.

Go and say hi - simple as that, you don't need to take gits etc

We moved into a close, all white community the vast majority, middle managers when properties were built are still there, now in the late 70's and early 80's o the whole and some over 90. We are not indigenous to England, but those near us sent welcome cars, never had that before and then said hi when they say us going to work or returns - next doors knocked on our door and said hi - if you need anything

We've done that to family across the road - knocked on the door and sai hi, if you ever need anything - we are at arms length will all EG hi and bye from a distance other than people on our right - in 90's we often ring at least once a week to see they are good and we are here if needed and we tell them when we go way

EricaJohns · 23/02/2024 13:51

Why didn't you introduce yourself when they first moved in?

Doing so now they'll know it's because of graffiti.

If you wanted to be a friendly neighbour, that time has passed, now you're only doing so out of your own ill ease at someone else's attitudes.
Doesn't seem like a genuine 'nice' action to me.
Sorry.

Original poster
Camsclownshoes · 23/02/2024 13:53

Sorry to drip feed - I did not see the graffiti myself. I heard about it today from the person who found it. She also told me about the new neighbours. I haven’t seen or met them. I only know my immediate neighbours and no one else. I would only wave a hand to people going by.

OP posts:
LizFromMotherland · 23/02/2024 13:55

Camsclownshoes · 23/02/2024 13:53

Sorry to drip feed - I did not see the graffiti myself. I heard about it today from the person who found it. She also told me about the new neighbours. I haven’t seen or met them. I only know my immediate neighbours and no one else. I would only wave a hand to people going by.

You've only got to know your immediate neighbours and no-one else, yet you're lived there 5 years?

Sorry, but for you to suddenly go all out to meet these particular neighbours, would make you look quite false and maybe patronising?

Might be best to carry on as you always have, and leave it to other neighbours in the street.

pokebowls · 23/02/2024 13:59

Christ people are being harsh. Many people don't even know their immediate neighbours and the op is getting a hard time for not going around to introduce herself to some new neighbours down the road and for not reporting some graffiti she didn't see.

Some People on MN are nuts.

LizFromMotherland · 23/02/2024 14:04

To be fair, even the OP said she drip-fed the not seeing the graffiti herself part.

No-one who said she should've reported it could've known she didn't see it, and only found out about it today.

DistingusedSocialCommentator · 23/02/2024 14:12

LizFromMotherland · 23/02/2024 14:04

To be fair, even the OP said she drip-fed the not seeing the graffiti herself part.

No-one who said she should've reported it could've known she didn't see it, and only found out about it today.

Drip feed does not help anyone

There is no law stating you have to say hello to anyone

Be your own person, and if you feel someone is being racist, set I their ways, either put them straight as you should do via a gentle approach first or ignore them

Allofaflutter · 23/02/2024 14:12

Get some chalk and write on the wall ‘“ keep racist idiots out”

Allofaflutter · 23/02/2024 14:12

Seriously though yes go say hi.

Manyandyoucanwalkover · 23/02/2024 14:14

Yes definitely go and visit and offer friendship. That would be a lovely thing to do.

BarbieDangerous · 23/02/2024 14:17

‘No blacks’ wow fucking hell. I’m never leaving South London. They weren’t even Black, they’re Asian and still Black people were mentioned🤣 gotta laugh at racists honestly.

You weren’t interested in introducing yourself a few weeks ago so why do it now? I think you should just say hi when you see them and keep it at that tbh