To think we should just trust each other’s intuition on here?

[Moltenpink]

Whenever there’s a thread on here where an OP has no concrete proof, but has been getting bad vibes or senses things are a bit off (whether that be in a new relationship, job, from a stranger, etc). There always seem to be posters defending the other party and suggesting the OP has it wrong.

Should we not just assume the OP most likely has the correct gut feeling? Intuition is a powerful thing. It’s quite harmful for posters to take the “oh you might have it wrong… just be kind” approach.

Yes. I believe that often posters are looking for reassurance that their intuition is correct

I agree with you OP based on my personal experience.

I disagree. I think gut instincts shouldn't be dismissed but should be challenged. When I was much younger I worked with a woman who inducted me and told me she had bad feelings about particular people and to be wary, she seemed genuine and looking out for me. I mainly had phone or email conversations with these people so it took me a couple of months before I clocked all the people she had bad gut instincts about were not white. I.e out of 20 people, 3 she had bad feelings about and and they were the only non white team members.

Obviously not saying all gut instinct is based on bigotry and it can be very powerful. But some instincts are based on prejudices maybe even unconsciously.

What does annoy me is the insistence the OP must be lying or has got something wrong when they are clear they haven't.

I agree, but some people just don’t have the ‘antennae’ to pick up ‘off’ vibes, so they think anyone who does must have imagined it.

But that wasn't your gut instinct, it was someone else telling you that they didn't like certain people but dressing it up as her gut instinct.

It depends - sometimes sometimes 'defending' poor behaviour can hit on an explanation that the OP might not have considered and that is genuinely likely, and can reassure them that there could be an innocent explanation. Those who tie themselves in knots to defend someone's shitty behaviour sometimes just prove that the OP's intuition is right. If you find yourself easily dismissing all the possible alternatives, it can reaffirm what you thought you knew.

But it is hard to tell who just needs reassurance and who is genuinely questioning their own perception - very hard to tell on here.

It depends. Intuition is a powerful sense and we unconsciously pick up on changes that's are imperceptible to anyone else. However there's a lot of people who projection previous experiences onto current situations (which is completely normal) but, as the ads say, "Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

I think it's a bit like how you can tell if someone has moved something on a desk that you use every day. You don't know what exactly has moved, nor why, but you know something is different.

I think gut instincts shouldn't be dismissed but should be challenged.
I agree with this statement. By and large, follow your gut, but don't be afraid to question it.

I think you are right. Using the analogy of counselling I understand that for the counsellor the clients (subjective) view of their own situation as the 'reality' they work from.

As far as the OPs situation goes, we only have what they think and feel to go on; we are obviously not witnesses.

This just sprang to mind;

"Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Motorcycle won’t start…can't figure out why."

@Eyesopenwideawake that is golden, I'm saving that 😂 😂

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all perfect response. Some people have OCD about their own ‘intuitions’ which are actually just an ordinary passing thought or feeling, other people never trust their instincts or don’t know what they are, some people do and are usually right, other people do and are just creating drama wherever they go.

No, isn't the whole point to get different perspectives? And there are often threads where 99% responses are unanimous so it does happen naturally

This is what I was trying to say I think! We should try to help each other based on the information we are given.

I do see where people are coming from on the other posts above though.

I think ‘gut instincts’ shouldn’t be dismissed, but be challenged, rather than just accepted. In the case of a spouse or parent feeling all is not well/something has changed with their partner/child, absolutely whatever it is should be investigated appropriately, because they know this person intimately and will be attuned, consciously or not, to minute changes in behaviour.

I’m much more sceptical about the other situation where ‘gut instinct’ comes up a lot on Mn, those threads about meeting someone who frightened you or repelled you, which, in a frankly unfeasible number of cases have a ‘gotcha’ punchline where he frightening person turns out later on to have been Fred West or Levi Bellfield. Or the frightening place turns out to have been where someone died violently. I think these are often confirmation bias or wishful thinking, because it’s a good story.

I think gut instinct and intuition is very powerful and exists for a reason.

However, where people have had a bad experience, becomes unreliable.

How often does someone post about suspicious of cheating and there doesn't seem to be much in it and it turns out that they've always been cheated on so are on high alert.

What some consider intuition becomes paranoia and bias due to previous experience.

With the paranoia and dramas people get themselves into saying 'sure the man buying milk in the supermarket is definitely a serial killer' is not always the right answer

I don't get the need of 'ignore the truth just pat people on the head and say there there whatever you say is true' may make the poster saying it feel better but doesn't actually help

I think there's a lot to be said for gut instinct and intuition, but I've also been on the receiving end of a partner's paranoia and irrational jealousy when I was completely innocent. The latter is horrible because you can't prove something that didn't happen.

Posters naturally bring their own experiences/baggage/prejudices to a thread, which I'm not sure is always helpful, though of course often is.

Depends what that gut instinct is based on. If someone is racist/homophobic/ableist, for example, their instincts will be way off.

Totally agree.

The number of people eager to tell OP she is wrong, or her experience was invalid or that the person she is complaning about has good intentions is incredible.

It's like they revel in seeing an OP in distress and just want to rub salt in the wound.

Fucking rubberneckers, they sound miserable in their lives.

Yep.
Keep your ears and eyes open but don't act without proof.

I got confused and accidentally voted the wrong way, but I agree with you!

Why is it ‘rubbernecking’ to point out to a distressed poster that there’s another way of interpreting what they believe is hostile behaviour? Should we validate what is clearly often paranoid and insecure overthinking that is blinkered by an OP’s own issues?

There’s a current thread where an OP is considering ending therapy with a therapist she acknowledges is very good purely because she thinks the therapist is being passive-aggressive by taking the ‘Kind’ off ‘Kind regards’ if the OP rearranges a session, and because when she turned back once, after she’d left the therapy room, the therapist was no longer smiling and engaged, but wearing an expression the OP interpreted as contemptuous.

This is clearly a situation in which numerous other interpretations are not only possible but far more likely. It would be both ridiculous and counter-productive to encourage the OP to think that her insecure interpretation of these actions is a legitimate reason to end therapy with someone she works well with otherwise.

Ha ha
Love this story.
In the version I read he'd heard rattle in the car engine and was trying to figure out what it could be and when he'd have time to take the engine apart.