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AIBU?

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Original poster

This tainted what was meant to be a pleasant evening

119 replies

HelpMePleaseeee · 23/02/2024 00:45

Okay, it didn’t ruin my night, but I went to a candlelight concert last night. It was in a cathedral and it was tiny and intimate, a string quartet played a mixture of modern songs with candles around them. It was so cute and it was a cheap but different activity with DP.

The guy next to me was scrolling through his emails the whole time, with his phone glaring into my eyes.
Everyone in front of me kept filming every song. It’s a tiny venue and we were right at the back so it did affect my view. Phone screens left right and centre. Also, on the other side of the room, constant red flashes from someone’s camera.

When did this start happening? There can’t have been more than 200 guests and it was a string quartet in a tiny venue. Why couldn’t people just listen to it?

Am I wrong here??

OP posts:
Gowlett · 23/02/2024 00:47

You are not wrong. You’re 100% right.

Lazypeopledrivemecrazy · 23/02/2024 00:57

You're absolutely right in feeling this way OP. However, it might be a good idea to write to the management of the venue, telling them just how much this spoiled your experience, and perhaps even asking that use of phones, and photography during performances be banned, is likely to be far more effective than having a moan on MN about it. I'm a great believer in speaking up if things aren't right, and praise when they are.

Rocknrolla21 · 23/02/2024 00:58

You are not wrong. I’ve had entire nights ruined by people blocking my view with phones. One of the recent ones being a circus where a man was filming every single act for some reason. It’s kind of like filming fireworks, it’s not fucking interesting not watching it live, and you’re never going to play that back, ever. My dd got a bollocking last week after she got bored in a cinema and tried to pull her phone out. There were only 4 other people in the cinema, but we were sat before them and a phone screen is distracting af when you’re sat trying to watch a film

Heather37231 · 23/02/2024 01:01

You are absolutely right. Only type of performance that should be filmed is a kids’ one if both parents can’t be there.

However it’s fault of the venue. All theatres, cinemas, gigs now say “no filming” so would have been completely fine for them to ban it.

Jamazon1 · 23/02/2024 01:09

I went to the opera last week and a guy in the row below was constantly on his WhatsApp, so there was the irritation of the (low light) screen plus the flickering and movement from his fingers on the screen throughout the whole performance. It was just one guy, but it was very distracting! Before the start, screens in the auditorium announced “please turn phones off” so it’s not as if people weren’t advised.
Your situation sounds 100 times worse!
I recommend you raise this with everyone; organisers, venue, the artists, any “friends of” group etc. It’s utterly unacceptable

Gowlett · 23/02/2024 01:38

I’d tap the person in front on he shoulder, no problem! My best friend asked the guy in front of her, at a seated concert, to swap seats with his missus if he planned on filming throughout. His big dickhead phone was right in front of her face. He was pissed off but my friend was having none of it.

skipandwhistle · 23/02/2024 01:52

You are totally right and as a musician I am on the other end of this scenario in every single concert I do these days. It's distracting, rude, and an infringement of performers rights if it's shared on social media. It makes me (and every one of my colleagues) absolutely furious. And there is seemingly nothing we can do about it.

Asiatoyork · 23/02/2024 01:56

This fucks me off so much! Actually puts me off doing these kinds of things. Who actually watches any of it back?!

SpacePotato · 23/02/2024 02:04

They just can't be in the moment and enjoy it. It's sad.

Watch the concert/show and relish it.
Why miss the live action just to watch shakey crap images on a small screen with poor sound quality later.

And no one gives a fuck about watching your crap videos of it on Facebook.

Tatonka · 23/02/2024 02:12

Totally agree with you, society has become very fucked up with their phones and needing to film everything.

Janetsmug · 23/02/2024 02:25

This is 100% on the venues to resolve, bans on phones need to be much more widely used and properly enforced. It would only take a few people being chucked out for the public to catch on, no one wants to fork out for tickets and then not get to see the show. It's one area where tackling the scourge of excessive phone use would actually be relatively easy and it would definitely be in everyone's best interests, even/especially the people doing it.

BlossomBlossomBlossom · 23/02/2024 02:28

@Jamazon1 - you really should have alerted an usher!

@HelpMePleaseeee I am infuriated on your behalf - astonishingly bad behaviour from your fellow audience members. Definitely communicate with the venue - they need to take more vigorous action to prevent this.

GaspingGekko · 23/02/2024 02:32

That's such a shame OP. I went to a Christmas candlelight concert a couple of years ago and they were really strict on how no phones were allowed until the last song.
It was also a smallish event so would have been easy enough to police but everyone respected the request.

I would raise this with the organiser because I can imagine that really changing the atmosphere of the event.

tobee · 23/02/2024 02:35

I was at a loud pop concert tonight in an over 2,000 seat venue tonight. All older people my age in the audience (55+). Guy in front of me filmed the three big songs, viewing through his phone camera. I thought "don't you want to watch properly as it happens?"

I took my phone out and felt guilty taking a couple of photos even though most other audience members were!!! I think this stems from being an usher when ballet was being performed and cameras were banned for fear of flashes causing problems for performers and copyright.

So, yes I would definitely feel sad that at a tiny candlelit venue and empathetic to you op.

EBearhug · 23/02/2024 02:43

Last time I was in the theatre, they said no phones, and the stewards seemed to be quite good at adopting people filming. But I guess it depends on the theatre in question.

Megi56 · 23/02/2024 03:23

I don't know why people pay for tickets to a performance, only to spend thee whole of it engrossed by their phones. My son works at our city's theatre; he says phones are a huge problem. There's an announcement before every performance, asking patrons to turn off their phones. Most will comply, but there are always a hard-core who don't.

Tilllly · 23/02/2024 03:40

Agree with @Janetsmug

Venues should remove people- issue clear warning at the start that use of mobile phone will result in removal

Will only take a few... if theatres etc all did this

I went to see the passion play in Oberammergau in 2022. Lots of phones out before it started, none during it (that I saw)
They had a strict policy around any disruption

garlictwist · 23/02/2024 05:31

I do not understand this need to constantly film or photograph things. I can't remember the last time I took a photo on my phone.

We went to the zoo the other week and everyone was pressed up to the side filming the animals. Are they really going to watch a shit video of a distant leopard on their return home? Why not look with your eyes and just remember it?

JubileeJumps · 23/02/2024 05:53

I was in the cinema recently and someone at the front was constantly on a screen. I complained once and she was told to switch it off but then the moment they had gone she put it back on again. I ended up complaining again and they gave me free tickets for another show.
Then I told the woman on the way out how her screen had spoiled the whole film. She looked really shocked - I don’t think it had occurred to her.
I was so annoyed.

skygradient · 23/02/2024 07:14

I'm social media generation, but I just don't understand why people take and post blurry crappy boring handheld videos as if they're Spielberg's lost works.

If you want to show off that you were there, just snap a quick nice pic, put your phone away and enjoy the show.

Sometimes I do take a video if I want to show someone who loves that particular thing but that's the only time.

Perhaps it's about having memories to rewatch but how do you form the memory in the first place with your phone in front of you?

YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty · 23/02/2024 07:28

I don't mind people taking a quick photo or a thirty second video for their memories.

I can't stand people filming an entire gig with their phone in portrait, in their shaky hand, held up in front of their face so they're watching the gig through the screen, spoiling the view for anyone behind them, and often yelling lyrics so loudly it's all their mike will pick up. They are never, ever going to watch that!!

For the professional photographers, it's typical that they come in for the first two songs and then get out of people's view. I think that's a good compromise.

FlamingoQueen · 23/02/2024 07:32

You are not wrong! People just no longer know how to behave in public settings. The amount of packet rustling at the theatre is just ridiculous. If someone takes their child to the theatre for what is a show suitable for everyone (ie not Fireman Sam) then they should consider whether their child can sit still without a snack for an hour. It drives me mad.

Bkjahshue · 23/02/2024 07:33

I’ve been to a few things where I almost ended up watching it through the phones of the people in front of me, more annoying that most people won’t even watch it again

saveforthat · 23/02/2024 07:34

I absolutely hate this and always ask the offender to stop. If they kick off, I have found that other people around who are also annoyed with the filming but didn't feel comfortable to challenge in the first place then join in.

icallitasplodge · 23/02/2024 07:35

It’s not really the same but my friend went to see a show that I know starts promptly at 7.30. I’ve been. i generally don’t look at my phone much after being seated.

she was texting me right up until 7.36 and must have been sat with her other friend so why??? I kept thinking maybe I shouldn’t reply as I’m disrupting the other peoples evening!