Apparently untrustworthy for posting tiktok video

[Glitz1004]

I'm an ex dancer. Don't often get to go to classes. So when I see tiktok videos I often think they look fun to learn. I never normally post them though because I don't have alot of confidence. Anyway I decided a few days again to learn the new beyonce dance. Was alot of fun, and I decided to post it.
Anyway partner just went on toktok and saw my video. They got really angry at me and asked why I didn't tell them I posted it. I said I didn't see it as a big deal as its just a fun dance. Dp proceeded to call me secretive and untrustworthy and I was doing sly behaviour. Now I feel really awful, I just thought it would be a bit of fun. The dance is to Country music and nothing sexy.
Dp said we message most nights and why didn't I say anything and then starting scrolling through our messages to see what we were talking about that evening
Aibu for posting this video and not thinking much of it. Was just suppose to be fun

How deeply unattractive

He sounds like he's controlling and abusive. Get rid of him.

🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

Well I guess if I think back there has been other things too. I've found myself not telling her things because I'm worried about her reaction or what she will say/judgement. She once told me I was a bad parent for taking my DC out of school when it was that really hot heatwave a few years back. Amongst some other stuff. I guess because it's different to my other previous abusive relationship I didn't think it was that bad........

Thank you, I'll take a look now

Oh and I forgot to say this morning she tried to justify what she said. She said that why wouldn't I mention such an achievement that I learned a dance. I told her it was not a big deal, just a fun dance. I have old dance videos on my insta and Facebook as I mentioned I'm an ex dancer. So to me this.isnt a big deal and I'm sure she knows that. THEN she said "well I do let you do what ever you want"
I scoffed and said excuse me you LET me, I can do what I want without your permission. She then backtracked and said I think let was the wrong word.

I agree with other posters that she's massively out of line. You've gone from an abusive man to a controlling woman who disguises her abuse and manipulation by pretending it's that she is 'needy' and loves you and you have to provide reassurance to her that she's the only one for you.

I would end the relationship over this. It's so out of line. The comment about 'letting' you do stuff demonstrates exactly that she feels you should toe the line and do as you are told.

Bless you OP I think you have fallen into the clutches of another abusive partner.

All relationships come to an end one way or another, and I suspect that now your eyes are open to your DP controlling behaviour, this one will soon be over. 💐

Read all your updates. You really should bin her. Sorry OP. Do whatever makes you happy.

I guess a thing I find hard is when I speak to my mum or sister about my relationship they say its not that bad and all couples argue. They make me feel in over reacting, although my parents relationship is dysfunctional and so is my sisters.

You know you aren't overreacting. If you let this go, it will only get worse. She'll be dictating what you can wear and where you can go next.

If you know their relationships are dysfunctional, you know they are not the people to take relationship advice from. The only level of abuse in a health relationship is none. Control and condemnation so that you feel you have to be lesser than your future self is no way to live.

I've text to say I need some time on my own. Any tips to stay strong and leave? I've tried to leave once before a few years ago. I should have realised then but I got sucked back in again

Can you temporarily block her on your phone?

Throw yourself into work?

I read loads of books and online articles about boundaries and toxic relationships. The Baggage Reclaim website is a good place to start.

See friends and family. Basically distract yourself and relax and sample how it feels to not be walking on eggshells. 💐

There’s always ALWAYS more signs when you look back with the benefit of hindsight. She’s a horror, please don’t accept this awful controlling nasty behaviour. You deserve much better.

Think about how much happier you will be when you are not walking on eggshells round someone and pandering to their wishes, rather than your own.

It's very liberating to be selfish and put yourself and your DC first - and not have to worry about what anyone else thinks. To not have to put up with little dig, or snippy criticisms. To not have someone trying to put you in your place, or make you feel insecure and constantly second guessing yourself.

It's much nicer being alone than with someone who doesn't enhance your life in every single way. And be honest - she doesn't.

Thank you, she hasn't text me anyway. I only work term time so I do have time off which is good when I have my DC but hard when I don't. I'm currently alone atm. Had a nice morning with my Dsis just hard when I'm alone. That's when I start thinking back to the good times. But I know in my logical brain the bad outweighs the good. Its just so so hard to break that cycle and habit of texting and talking to her. Before I met her I'd become comfortable being alone, now I find it hard again

I love watching people do this dance! I can't dance and I think I just live through others who can.

I think you should post the SpongeBob one too as an act of rebellion, while you digest what is happening in this relationship.

I haven't even heard from her. No apology, no asking if I'm OK. Says it all really. It does hurt

You can post what you want

You don't need permission to do so

It's not sly or secretive to put something on a public forum. In fact it's the opposite

Your dp sounds quite jealous/needy

Only you can decide where to go from here but if they don't understand they massively over reacted then that's concerning.

Thank you. I caved and text her. Don't know why. I guess I'm feeling angry that she doesn't care. I said I can't believe she has not apologised and that shows me what I need to know. All she did was I'm still poorly (she was absolutely fine when I last saw her and was almost over her illness). That was it. No sorry or apology. Nothing

Move on. You won’t get what you’re looking for from her. Block if you can’t resist contact.

Feel free to post the video and we'll boost your engagement! Be strong, you know you can do better than that controlling behaviour

Thanks, I actually took it off being public as she made me feel a bit silly about it.

I just feel angry and sad that she doesn't care. I remember before she's told me with her exes that she just cuts them off and blocks them. So cold and heartless