Apparently untrustworthy for posting tiktok video

[Glitz1004]

I'm an ex dancer. Don't often get to go to classes. So when I see tiktok videos I often think they look fun to learn. I never normally post them though because I don't have alot of confidence. Anyway I decided a few days again to learn the new beyonce dance. Was alot of fun, and I decided to post it.
Anyway partner just went on toktok and saw my video. They got really angry at me and asked why I didn't tell them I posted it. I said I didn't see it as a big deal as its just a fun dance. Dp proceeded to call me secretive and untrustworthy and I was doing sly behaviour. Now I feel really awful, I just thought it would be a bit of fun. The dance is to Country music and nothing sexy.
Dp said we message most nights and why didn't I say anything and then starting scrolling through our messages to see what we were talking about that evening
Aibu for posting this video and not thinking much of it. Was just suppose to be fun

Is it actually a dp or a boy/girlfriend i.e. do you live together ?

and are you both female ? as the title of the song I think you were dancing to is ' Texas Hold Em ' and having now watched 3 online tutorials and 2 videos of Beyonce I am a bit puzzled about the fuss your dp is making over line dancing. all a bit childish.

Your DP is needy and anxious and this only gets worse. It might start with having to tell them that you love them and only them, and then it escalates, because you can never reassure them ENOUGH. You are just starting to find that things are escalating now. Not telling them something you had no need to tell them ends up with you not being able to leave the house, because they need to know where you are at all times and what you are doing. Because otherwise you might meet someone that you like more than them, and that can't be allowed.

It's not good, OP, and I think you know that.

No we don't live together. I've always had doubts about living together in the future tbh. Yes it was texas hold em, just a fun line dance type thing.
DP is a woman

I should know better. My previous relationship with my DC father was abusive. He was controlling, told me who I could and couldn't go out with etc. After that ended almost 10 years ago I had alot of counselling and learned all about the dynamics of abusive relationships.

That kind of neediness and reassurance seeking is the other side of the controlling coin. All the while you're dancing to her tune and giving her all the reassurance she seeks then you're ok but if you step out of line the controller comes out. Don't entertain this, it's awful behaviour.

No, there wasn't a mention to take it down. More trying to shame me by saying I can't believe you posted a video on tiktok to try make me feel silly.

Ah... so DP has not been obvious in their control of you which is why you feel so blind sided. This is their warning shot to get you to behave.

Neediness, alway seeking reassurance and trying to shame you or make you feel stupid for normal things IS control, just covert.

I wonder how/what else they manifested their control and manipulation of you that you just brushed off previously. Think hard.

I think it's quite a common pattern unfortunately to go from a very abusive partner to one who is controlling and manipulative in more subtle ways and you can think "I'm so glad they are not like X!" and overlook other things but not realise that they are abusive (just in a different way) too.

The Listen Up thread linked at the top of Relationships explains this well.

You can dance if you want to.
You should leave your friend behind
Cos your friend don't dance, and if they don't dance
Then they're

Controlling and insecure.

(With formal apologies to 'Men Without Hats')

Sounds like projection....

So hes berating you because if they posted something itd be for nefarious reasons that they're assuming you're doing it for.

Red flag...

RED FLAGS

Bin him off. That’s controlling

Well you don't live together. Happy days. Tell her to wind her neck in over something that isn't anything to do with her. She has a choice whether she can do that or not.

This is an overreaction on his part - however if it is the first time anything like this has occurred, and the first time he's shown behaviour like this, I think you should both try and get to the bottom of why it made him feel this way, and see if you can work over it together to make sure this sort of thing doesn't cause an issue again.
You've done nothing wrong.
It may be that he's got some past issues that this brought up?
I hope you manage to work it out.
YANBU

Looks like he succeeded. He is a nasty controlling specimen; Move on !

It won't be the last, love.

Who in the fuck does he think he is? Get rid.

And so it begins.

They don’t start a relationship with controlling behaviour because women would walk away. They do it gradually.

Any grown person using tik tok needs to give their head a shake.

Very helpful. Any advice regarding the actual relationship or are you just wanting to try to shame the OP even more?

@Lurkingandlearning
The op’s partner is a woman.

You don't need their permission or approval. You also don't need that level of control in your life.

Why do you care so much and how is it any of your damn business?

Oh, wait, I know. Might be, gasp, trans or non binary! Can't be having that, shock horror! 🙄

She's a woman!

I'd just be cringing about posting a dance on TikTok as an adult tbh, he's probably embarrassed

Controlling. Definitely bin.
Not sure why you are hiding their sex though? It makes no difference

Yes. Women walk away from women who show a controlling nature at the beginning of relationships, so controlling women introduce their controlling ways gradually. Just like controlling men.