To think I should reduce DC's hours

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So my DC started nursery for the first time aged 3. DC has always been an easygoing, happy child, but since starting has become quite hyper and inattentive. I find it quite heartbreaking watching the other kids follow the teacher's instructions, only for mine (who had no trouble following instructions at toddler groups) to be half following, half wandering off.

I can't fault the nursery. Dc loves going (DC would go more if I would let them), and the staff are kind and fond of DC.

Nursery haven't made me feel bad about it, but it's school nursery, and if DC carries on like this I am worried that they will get into the habit of behaving this way, and will get labelled as odd by the other children.

Aibu to reduce DC's hours at nursery? Tbh I am considering pulling DC out, going to some more structured toddler groups, and trying again for reception, but DC loves going, and would probably find that quite upsetting.

Yabu how is he going to learn if you decide to pull him out. He’s happy the nursery seem happy with him, give him a chance to fully settle.

@IggyAce Dc is happy there, but he isn't behaving well, and I don't want them to become the naughty kid. The teachers are being very patient, but the other children and their parents definitely notice

How long has he been going?

You say he started at 3 but how old is he now? Ie how long has he been going?

Tbh I'd keep him in and hope he learns in time for school. I don't think taking him out would help that.

Part of nursery is about learning how to behave at school.

Have you had his hearing checked?

It’s probably better that he learns how to behave at nursery where you’ve got some flexibility about how many hours he does rather than just waiting until reception (when he’ll be expected to go in full time) and hoping the situation is better.
Part of nursery is about learning how to behave in an educational environment, some of the other children might well have been in nurseries since they were 1 and so will already know how to behave and confident following the routines.
Your son will get there, especially if the teachers/assistants are nice and supportive.
My son definitely tends towards hyper/inattentive/energetic and nursery has been great for him (like your son he loves the social and activities side but has a tendency to wander off during some of the more structured sessions). He’s been going for over a year now and I’ve noticed a massive improvement (there’s also been a big positive impact on his behaviour at home too, he often does routines that he’s learned at nursery like tidying up after playing with something).

How many hours is he currently doing? If there are a couple of days a week when he’s not at nursery then you could also take him to the structured playgroups that you mentioned so you can provide some 1:1 support to help him understand how to behave and what the expectations are (although don’t expect too much, he’s still only 3!)

@muddlingthrou a few months, but is still hyper and unfocused

How do you know he’s not following what the others are doing? My dd3 and does nothing I say if she doesn’t want. Nobody’s mentioned anything about it at nursery. I’m hoping she’s a bit more compliant there but I don’t know.

You don't say how many hours he's there a week.

Why are you and all the other parents watching the kids so much? I have no idea how anyone else's kids behave in nursery because by the time we get there it's carpet time

How do you know how he’s behaving? If he likes it, and is OK in himself when there, at home etc, seems fine for him to continue.

@Loopytiles nursery sends videos and pictures, and gently gave me a big list of all the things DC isn't doing compared to their peers at parents evening. DC likes it there, but always seems to be not taking part/mucking around in all of those.

what do you think reducing his hours would achieve, genuinely, how would that help. Nursery is v different to toddler groups and classes, it might just taking some time to settle and get used to how things are done in a bit more formal setting.

It doesn't sound like reducing his hours would help.. unless they're saying he does well in the morning but then finds afternoons difficult for example? Then I can see your thinking.

It is a much more formal setting than he's been exposed to before and it's only been a few months, I think give it a little more time. Is he going to school this September or next?

If you want to share, what is on the nurseries list of things he isn't doing that his peers are?

Agree with everyone else, don't pull him out, it's better that he learns now. Nursery will be well used to this and it's not unusual for kids to take a while to adapt. Nursery is very different to a toddler group, and it's a great stepping stone to school. I'm sure he'll get there but pulling him out won't help.

They are quite set about how many hours DC can do (they expect full days, not half days), and the behaviour from nursery seems to come home with DC, I think that's what is bothering me. DC's attention span has died a death. DC has always had a great attention span and was veyr chilled out, and now DC is very wiggly and unfocused and is now consistently quite teary and upset by minor things. It feels like going backwards rather than forwards

Before you make any decisions, can you see if his behaviour changes when he is home during a holiday with you?

And how is his sleep quality and duration? Personal experience, so may not apply to yours, but I looked online for age and amount of sleep and worked on an earlier bed time. Made a difference.

And maybe he likes it so much that he is overstimulated?

Can I also ask what they put on this list?

Do you think he's getting too tired there and this is the cause? If so, yes reduce the hours

@StarsandStones I think that's exactly it, Dc gets loves nursery and gets very hyped up. They talked about lack of focus or following instructions, refusing to do or ignoring what DC is told, ignoring peers and only noticing when peers they are upset and then being angry that they are upset ..etc. Dc can already do all the academic things expected by the end of nursery, and I think nursery like that. But DC's soft skills seem to be going downhill. My obedient, friendly kid who listens well and plays nicely at playgroup seems to behave completely differently at nursery, and I would be very unhappy if those behaviours carry on into primary school, not just for my DC's sake, but for the sake of peers and teachers

The hours are full days, so it's pull from nursery or put up with the long hours. DC already has a ridiculously early bedtime as they are up so early in the morning. Dc stopped napping months and months ago, so I am not sure what is up

Look up attention autism for activities to improve attention span.
If they are teary and upset more try to find the reason why try to spot the pattern. Perhaps they need a change of routine or an adaptation.

I think it’s worth keeping the child in nursery as you’re assuming you take them out and these issues will be resolved in reception, but what if they aren’t. If there are any issues causing this it’s better they are established early on as it takes time. Could just be too young but could be more to it

I wouldn't worry about other children thinking your DC is odd for not following routines and that they therefore won't play with him. I work in a school nursery and have worked in Reception in the past. The kids don't see each other the way we do - often the children we as adults find trickier to deal with (poorly behaved /inattentive, cry easily at transitions between activities etc) are some of the most popular amongst their peers, presumably because they are generally happy, confident and like to play random games and don't tend to have 'best friends' to the extent they won't play easily with others.