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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I should reduce DC's hours

38 replies

HowNowBrow · 22/02/2024 11:37

So my DC started nursery for the first time aged 3. DC has always been an easygoing, happy child, but since starting has become quite hyper and inattentive. I find it quite heartbreaking watching the other kids follow the teacher's instructions, only for mine (who had no trouble following instructions at toddler groups) to be half following, half wandering off.

I can't fault the nursery. Dc loves going (DC would go more if I would let them), and the staff are kind and fond of DC.

Nursery haven't made me feel bad about it, but it's school nursery, and if DC carries on like this I am worried that they will get into the habit of behaving this way, and will get labelled as odd by the other children.

Aibu to reduce DC's hours at nursery? Tbh I am considering pulling DC out, going to some more structured toddler groups, and trying again for reception, but DC loves going, and would probably find that quite upsetting.

OP posts:

Original poster

HowNowBrow · 22/02/2024 20:22

@Ibouncetothebeat behavior was much better in half term, attention span improved and DC was calmer, it was like I had DC back again. Then behaviour went back down now DC is back at nursery. It really is a nice nursery, but I am quite bothered by the behaviour changes. Through any parent's eyes, my DC is disruptive to the class, and hinders rather than helps in activities. I love my child and don't want them to get used to behaving badly. It doesn't help that I am a single parent in a predominantly two-parent area, so if DC behaves this way, we will get judged as a family unit.

OP posts:

averythinline · 22/02/2024 20:28

I would follow your instincts.. my ds couldn't cope with that much/many hours at that age.... I used a local pre school instead that just did short sessions... And did 3 mornings building to 4 ... before school .. sounds like hes a bit over stimulated.....
School nursery isn't always the best for all ... And hes young... enjoy the time now ... Shouldn't be stressful
If there are other things u can do i would do that..
Many children do not do school nursery....and they are fine.... They are at school many years ...

Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 22/02/2024 20:37

Sorry I can’t work out from your posts how many days he goes? Is it just a couple? That’s a big difference on tiredness / behaviour to full time.

If you pull him out do you need to put him in other childcare or will you have him? He’ll def be different at toddler groups as that’s 1:1 attention from you steering him to sit down to sing / share toys etc, and it’s just an hour or two, whereas in nursery there’s so many more children per adults and they will free range a bit more to wander off and play something else etc :)

Original poster

HowNowBrow · 22/02/2024 21:01

3 days, school hours

OP posts:

Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 22/02/2024 21:35

If I were you I would continue with nursery or some other form of preschool as so many vital skills for school are learned there. I think 18/20 hours is a good number, he’s still got x4 full days with you at home and the evenings too. We’ve found the transition from 3-4 huge for our youngest and it might be that he is overtired and overstimulated but in a few months this could all calm down and he settles in. I would also maybe have a meeting with his keyworker to discuss your concerns and see if there is anything they can do to help, maybe spend some time with him encouraging to concentrate on tasks / stay with the group etc. perhaps they would let you collect him early to shorten his hours a day or two a week

romdowa · 22/02/2024 21:39

Honestly he sounds over whelmed. Full school days are probably too much for him. Is there a nursery in the area who offer half days? It might suit him better , he's only 3 .

lordsa · 22/02/2024 21:58

Said very gently OP - is there any chance the nursery could be hinting that your DC might be neurodiverse? I can’t understand why they compiled a list of what other children are doing compared to yours. What things were on this list?

User79853257976 · 22/02/2024 22:33

How many hours is he going? He doesn’t need to go very much unless it’s for childcare.

Loopytiles · 23/02/2024 13:19

The nursery’s approach sounds odd. Don’t suppose it’s an expensive private one and/or a popular, ‘pushy’ school one?

lordsa · 23/02/2024 13:58

@Loopytiles Agree, the nursery’s approach sounds odd.

Having worked in education, the only time I’ve heard of nurserys / schools comparing behaviours of one child to the rest of the class is when they are alluding to the fact they believe the child may be autistic, ADHD etc.

Original poster

HowNowBrow · 23/02/2024 16:21

@Loopytiles DC definitely is wiggly enough at nursery that I would assume they were ADHD if I didn't see how they were at home. I am not comfortable with such a massive change of demeanor, after 3 years of a very calm, chilled out DC

OP posts:

Original poster

HowNowBrow · 23/02/2024 16:27

@Loopytiles it's school nursery, so my child would be with the same kids from now until 11

OP posts:

lordsa · 23/02/2024 18:57

@HowNowBrow Children who are ND can behave completely differently in different environments. My DC behaves differently at school vs at home. It’s often when they go to school that behaviours ‘come out’ as it is much more busy, stimulating, stressful etc than at home.

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