To think that DH should get himself and toddler ready on his own two mornings a week?

[Tafaa]

I'm currently on maternity leave with our 4-month-old and we have another child who is 2. DH works full time as a teacher. Two days a week, our 2-year-old goes to nursery. DH needs to leave at 7:30 to be able to drop him off at nursery on his way to work, so the arrangement is that if toddler wakes up in time DH will take him to nursery and if not then I take him a bit later on.

I feel it wouldn't be unreasonable for DH to take the reins on these mornings; I'm usually up 3 times in the night with the baby and would appreciate being able to have a bit of a lay in on these mornings if the baby is still asleep. But what usually happens is toddler wakes up and DH wants me to get him up and dressed so that he's all ready to go at 7:30. DH says he doesn't have time to get him ready, but I think he should make time. Part of me does feel unreasonable because of course it's not much to have to get up to get my own child ready for the day, and I do appreciate DH has a demanding job and will be tired himself, but if I was in his position I don't think I'd have any issue with doing that as well and letting my partner get a bit of extra sleep.

Interested to hear what others think!

YABU - Get up and get your child ready ffs!
YANNU - Husband should be able to get toddler ready as well as himself

Thanks everyone. Spoke to dh and he agreed it would be better if he knew he would definitely be taking ds to nursery so he can get up in time. He's going to start getting up a bit earlier and waking ds up. It's probably a good idea get ds used to a 7am wake-up now anyway for when I go back to work as he won't have the choice then!

Wouldn't it make sense that you both get a decent lie in at the weekend instead?

It's stressful enough getting ready for work, adding in a toddler when your partner is lying in bed seems a bit harsh. At least do it together.

Put your 2yo's clothes out in their room, have their bag packed and coats/shoes ready to roll.

As you get into bed, say "I've put everything out for the morning so you can get DC ready".

Yes they would both have to be up a bit earlier. He has breakfast at nursery so it's just a case of getting him dressed and teeth brushed, if I get him up at 7:15 I'll have him ready to go in ten minutes. DH would probably need to wake him up at about 7 and get up a bit earlier himself to allow for this. Ds naturally wakes between 7 and 8 anyway and would previously wake at 7 every day before I went on mat leave.

This leaves OP with the mental load of doing it which isn't fair.

OP's DH is a teacher. He is more than capable of doing this without a hand hold from OP, he just needs to get up earlier and organise what he can the night before.

OP that's a good point! I like to know what I'm doing so does my partner, if it's his morning to get baby ready and I start 'interfering' I think it's a bit annoying (as he tells me quite clearly it's annoying)

Yes, he can, but I also think it's fine to help out your DP a bit. It's hardly taking on mental load getting a bag ready and putting out some clothes.

Once a routine is established, then they can both do it. Whilst one parent reads a book to the kids at bedtime the other can get things ready for the next day.

Absolutely this. It's when women are on maternity leave that unequal divisions like this become calcified. He's not a stupid man, he knows he needs to get up earlier, he's just not doing it, because you're there. Nip that very firmly in the bud!

If it's so easy then again, he can do it himself.

Once a routine is established, the routine usually stays in place and then all of a sudden OP is back to work but still ''helping'' her DH get organised in the morning all whilst likely still doing night feeds and managing to organise herself without any ''help''.

OP needs to make sure the routine now involves DH doing his own organising so it stays in place once she goes back to work.

Your partner who's be en up and down all night with the baby so you can sleep through.

Or, or, he does it himself because he is also the parent and can do some
Thinking too.

If I can get both my toddler and baby dressed and ready for nursery drop off at 7:30 every single morning before work, I'm pretty sure your husband can manage 2 days...