To think that DH should get himself and toddler ready on his own two mornings a week?

[Tafaa]

I'm currently on maternity leave with our 4-month-old and we have another child who is 2. DH works full time as a teacher. Two days a week, our 2-year-old goes to nursery. DH needs to leave at 7:30 to be able to drop him off at nursery on his way to work, so the arrangement is that if toddler wakes up in time DH will take him to nursery and if not then I take him a bit later on.

I feel it wouldn't be unreasonable for DH to take the reins on these mornings; I'm usually up 3 times in the night with the baby and would appreciate being able to have a bit of a lay in on these mornings if the baby is still asleep. But what usually happens is toddler wakes up and DH wants me to get him up and dressed so that he's all ready to go at 7:30. DH says he doesn't have time to get him ready, but I think he should make time. Part of me does feel unreasonable because of course it's not much to have to get up to get my own child ready for the day, and I do appreciate DH has a demanding job and will be tired himself, but if I was in his position I don't think I'd have any issue with doing that as well and letting my partner get a bit of extra sleep.

Interested to hear what others think!

YABU - Get up and get your child ready ffs!
YANNU - Husband should be able to get toddler ready as well as himself

are you doing all the nights? You say I’m only human , and I can’t manage 24 hours a day of parenting. You can do the approx 2am night wake and let me sleep or you can take toddler to childcare. It’s your choice, and if you haven’t done a night shift I will not be getting out of bed to help get our toddler ready, if you’re late for work that’s on you but I can promise every female member of staff will think really? Can’t get to work on time because you have a toddler? Cry me a fucking river. Now stop treating me like a service robot who doesn’t need sleep And start behaving like a parent. .

YANBU - he is a grown adult and parent just as much as you. He can manage to sort himself for work I am assuming so he that he can keep the job so am sure is absolutely able to get his child ready also as a competent intelligent human being. No one would be questioning if a mother was able to do the same (and many I am sure do..) for goodness sake it would just be expected.

YANBU

he can get himself and toddler ready twice in one week fml

Also, just to follow up it blows my mind how many men manage to play this or similar cards. Mine tried it too with night wakes “she only wants you” (post breastfeeding). Before you know it you’ll be back at work, getting 2 kids ready and out of the door because “you’re better at it”. Also I found being on maternity MUCH harder and more tiring than being a teacher if that helps ease any misplaced guilt

He can definitely do it 2 days a week. I work full time and do the drop offs 4 mornings a week at the moment (DP does pick ups, and we alternate depending on his shift patterns)

I get up at 6:45, 30 mins to get myself and baby’s things sorted. 15 mins to get her up and ready to go. Out of the door for 7:30!

Absolutely not. So does OP get to just do half a job of parenting and doing the absolute essentials i.e. feeding, dressing and cleaning your child then to make their life easier?! I would hazard a guess not. Absolutely ridiculous suggestion that OP should have to take on the load for a moment longer because the other parent is incapable of stepping up to be an adult and parent. You don't get to pick and choose the bits of parenting you fancy doing that day 🤨🙄

This kind of stuff boils my piss. I don’t and won’t stand for rubbish like this! You wanted the baby too pal, you can do you fair share 🤣

Of course he should be able to do it, he just doesn't want to.

In a few weeks time I will be getting up and getting one ready for school, a 9mth old ready for childminder, walking all the way there and then catching 2 buses to work in the mornings. OH will be doing the other end of the day picking up and getting home.

The key is allowing the time to make it happen.

I think if it were me it would depend how much sleep I was getting. If I was pretty well rested I’d probably get up and help since getting out the house with a toddler on your own is much harder than if you have an extra pair of hands. However, if I needed the extra sleep I’d expect him to do it. I’d certainly expect to have the option to stay in bed if needed.

OP I also have a 4mo and 2.5yo. I do all nights with the 4mo and husband is responsible for our toddler - to the extent that if I’m asleep, my DH will get toddler up, dressed and out without me even seeing him in the morning so that I can catch up on sleep.

He does this five times a week, including walking the dog and once a week commuting into London.

Divide and conquer is the best way to share out parenting with two.

Your DH should easily be able to manage two mornings. As a PP suggested, make this definitive that those two mornings are his, he has to be up earlier to get toddler ready as well and that he is definitely responsible for drop off.

I'm in a similar position - 2 days a week DH takes our 2 year old to her childminder on his way to work but I get up to get her ready to leave by 7.45am. Could really do with a lie in if our 5 month old is still asleep in the morning as do all night wake ups with him (currently every two hours 😴). DH gets up with 2 year old if she wakes. Have tried to change things but usually get woken by 2 year old screaming as DH barks orders at her so everyone ends up stressed and usually late.

I’m currently on mat leave with a month old baby. I also have a 2 year old who goes to nursery 2 days a week. I am EBF so have to do all the night feeds, so nursery days are an opportunity to have a bit of a lie in without having to worry about a toddler. On those days DH gets himself and the toddler up and ready to leave the house at 7.30. My DD usually comes in to me to say good bye as they are ready to leave…

Op, google weaponized incompetence and tell him to get a grip. Doesn't have time ffs, just get up earlier.

He needs to get up earlier. I do think it might be better to definitely set the two days that he will get the toddler up and take him, so there's no confusion. For what it's worth, I'm a teacher (part time) and on my work days I get up before 6 so that I'm completely ready before I wake the DC to get the little one to nursery at 7.30. I'd make it as easy as possible with nursery bag packed and everything by the front door, but there's no reason he can't manage.

YANBU.

Your H is pathetic.

Well said.

I think we are all going backwards. What's happened to men? My DS are almost 20 and 17 and this kind of stuff didn't even warrant long conversations, we just did what worked for both of us. He did what was needed. I did equally what was needed, the end? We both worked full time btw and he travelled for work 2 weeks out of most months. it wasn't easy but none of this lazy dad shit.

Why are men now just so pathetic at being present for their partners and children? Are we into the shitty dad era of parenting?

I think you need to decide that he is taking toddler to nursery 2 days a week. Therefore he needs to plan his time accordingly even if that involves waking toddler up. He's hiding behind the unpredictability at the moment.

Women do this without thinking, I get up and out with 4DC, not sure why men come over all incompetent.

YANBU. Your H needs to human up, and on those two days every week, not just when DC is already awake.

I’m a single parent and full time teacher. I have to get two children out of the door and dropped off at two different breakfast clubs on my way to work, every day, on my own (on top of doing every-fucking-thing-else solo). He can manage to get one child up, ready and dropped off twice a week.

Tell him can chose between doing the night wakes and getting the toddler ready. You need to get enough sleep one way or the other. He needs to be organised the night before.

I’ve no doubt that a teacher can get one toddler up, dressed and eating some toast.

I’ve also no doubt that he would prefer to stay in bed a bit longer and let you do it…

YANBU. I'll wager there isn't even breakfast to sort on nursery days, as toddler will eat when they get to nursery. So it's literally getting dressed and teeth brushing.

Of course he should!

He’s a teacher so definitely doesn’t get to pull the disorganised card, if he can keep all the plates spinning at work his family deserve the same attentiveness.

Would Finn getting toddler ready meal they both have to be up earlier? If they're leaving at 7.30 what time do you and toddler have to be up for DH to take them? What time would they need to be up if you stayed in bed?