Is this the start of menopause or something else ? I hate people

[RecluseInTraining]

I’ve always been introverted, although you wouldn’t know it to meet me, and taken the stance that whilst I don’t like many individual people, I love humanity as a whole and most people are good at heart. I have dedicated my professional life to improving communities, even volunteering to that effect too and have been very active politically.

But more recently, I’ve started to feel like the world is an irredeemably awful place filled with greedy, narcissistic, cruel and selfish people. I feel mad with everyone and hate that I have to share this planet with so many stupid and selfish people. Just driving my kids to school I encounter dozens of idiots who either can’t or won’t follow the rules of the road making driving a thoroughly unpleasant and at times, terrifying experience. The state of the roads is another reminder that our leaders couldn’t give a shit about any of us.

I’m even noticing it in people close to me. I’m angry at my mum because I don’t agree with the way she looks after her pets, with my dad because he’s so very selfish and acts like it’s a huge imposition to help his own family. My son sometimes talks like he’s been listening to Andrew Tate. I was hugely betrayed by a close friend a couple of years ago so no longer have any really close friends, just acquaintances.

I’ve heard from other women that you tend to take less crap around menopause so wondering if this is the reason for my shift in feeling or whether there’s something else going on. I’m early 40’s and don’t have any other signs that I’m entering perimenopause but wondering if this is a sign that it’s coming soon. Perhaps it’s natural to lose your idealism as you get older.

Has anyone else felt like they hate the world and managed to move past it? It’s making me feel like retreating into myself and giving up trying to make the world a better place. I just feel beaten at this point.

Yes, I have less tolerance with flaky people.

I am also an introvert in my early 40s (and autistic to boot) but I feel infinitely chilled about the world and people in it. Have you considered other things that may be going on? It's really not at all normal to be this focused on other's behaviours. Trauma? Depression?

I have no idea whether it's actually linked to menopause, but it's certainly a completely normal sign of getting older. And rather liberating, once you realise that it's OK to think this way.

Yes, I can't be bothered with anything or anyone. I hate cooking, hate cleaning, hate bumping into people I know. The things I used to enjoy I now don't give a fuck about either way. I'm sick of everything.

This isn't normal at any age. From personal experience, I'd say it sounds like depression.

Around the time of the menopause I had a bit of an epiphany where my head cleared and I could clearly see what I had done right and what I had done wrong in life especially wasting time on selfish stupid people. I should have cared less and looked after me more All that matters is our health and our loved ones . My circle of people around me has shrank dramatically . I do things for me now . I come first . I think k a bit of testosterone creeps in .

It helps to realise that you are also people and probably disappointing everyone else too

That's how my perimenopause symptoms started in my mid forties. I took 5HTP which did make a difference but it didn't stop completely until I started HRT at age 54.

Sounds like menopause to me. The same happened to me around 41. I even divorced my perfectly lovely husband on a whim before I worked out that I needed HRT.

Doing more stuff for yourself is always good.

This happened to me at the start of peri-menopause. It’s normal but upsetting. I’m on HRT which has helped, but I still feel like a different person.

I was hugely betrayed by a close friend a couple of years ago so no longer have any really close friends, just acquaintances.

BANG - here's a large chunk of your problem. You feel hurt and burned and unable to trust people in the same way. I get it, I had a big friendship blow up about 5 years ago and it's quietly agonising. I'm about the same age as you.

But - if you don't see people socially, you start to think all relationships are about what people can take from you (older parents and teenage children) and forget that you need human contact and warmth.

We evolved to live in groups. Being lonely triggers the bit of ourselves that would feel isolated and endangered if the tribe shunned us and forced us out to fight off sabre-toothed tigers or whatever on our own. If you think that's all woolly bullshit, read this https://bigthink.com/health/the-powerful-medical-impact-of-loneliness/ - brain scans of lonely people are similar to those of people in physical pain.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit more choosy about where you place your energy as you get older, and giving less of a fuck. But if that tips into thinking the world is a bad place and there's no point engaging with it, you're wandering in the vales of depression, my friend.

I think throughout life we should consider ourselves as we would a pet - we need to take care of our basic needs. Easier said than done. Eat well, drink enough, exercise often, socialise and find a mental challenge to wrestle with. 5 pillars of ageing https://www.open.edu/openlearn/health-sports-psychology/mental-health/five-pillars-ageing-well but they serve you well throughout life.

Do things that are life-enhancing - swimming, choirs, walking, painting, sewing, whatever floats your boat. Something that is purely about wellbeing and pleasure. Stop to look at the sky and flowers etc. Sounds naff but it helps.

Above spot may sound naff but is spot on. I cherish myself like a pet now I am past 50. The idealism has died though.

Post. Not spot.

Thanks @MotherofGorgons naff but spot on is definitely me ;)

Charlie Chaplin said lives are tragedies close up, comedies in the long run. Everything is ridiculous. You're a single tiny person on the earth, and taking things very seriously. It's all bullshit. We're all on a trajectory towards death and entropy. You might as well enjoy daffodils, puppies and the sound of the rain on the way down!

Yes, I think you're probably right. I do feel extremely unlike myself at the moment. Life has hit me hard these past 6 months. I wish I could just evaporate sometimes.

It can sneak up. Get some help - doesn’t have to be medication, just talking to the doc and making a few changes (time off work to get a grip, healthy eating, some mindfulness) sorted me. Depends how embedded it is I guess. Plus if it’s caused by events, some medication to get distance wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.
Take care of yourself.

Yes take care. I'm on a low dose od anti-depressants and HRT and am now possibly the happiest / most content I've ever been. Mind you I divorced my husband, my DD is grown up and left home. I now live alone with my 2 cats doing what I want when I want.

I did try HRT but it was hell, I'm on a low dose combined mini pill. It is good for me. It's circumstance for me. Huge life change, thought for the better but it's for the worst. I feel like it's me against the world. I'm so lonely.

Is there a way you can make minor changes to make the life change better? Of can you do things to increase social connection and so feel less isolated?
HRT is very personal - doesn’t work for everyone, but could it be worth trying a different combination/regime?
Go to the GP and discuss everything and get some help.

Yes. Maybe that's what I need. I exercise enough (walk 6 miles or more a day) generally eat a healthy diet, in fact my fitness has improved alot. I'm off of my blood pressure medication, I've lost 2 stone, normally I'd be so happy about that but I can't find the enthusiasm for it. Sometimes I have a flitter of joy when I wear something nice but I'm so skint now, I cannot even treat myself to a new dress to show it off. How times have changed. This time last year I was like a sack of spuds but pretty much happy with everything else. I'm tempted to go back on the amitriptyline I used to take... It was prescribed for low mood, but the bonus is it helps with another medical issues I have, and the extra bonus is it helps with sleep.

Talk to the doc about that @BusterGonad
Sounds like it could be helpful

Oh, no doubt. But I always try to be kind and considerate which I don’t feel most people are. Driving for example, I always let people in, give way when I should, signal in plenty of time, park considerately but I rarely encounter any of this in return. Instead I find myself trying to weave through cars dumped on both sides of narrow roads, aggressive driving and zero manners. There’s just no way that these people are even trying to be considerate of other road users and it’s depressing as hell.

It doesn’t feel very liberating at the moment, rather I feel pretty bleak about it all.

I am late 40s and angry with most people, except my friends and my pets. I guess because it's uncomplicated and not a demanding relationship. They help me stay sane!

I have young DC and elderly parents, all of whom are fairly needy, and DH who can be too (suffers from depression and doesn't share the mental load enough), so I do sometimes feel resentful and put upon. I have great friends, though, who truly get that, and we make each other very happy and support each other without really needing to do a lot - see each other when we can, keep in touch in between. Positive relationships make such a difference to happiness. I should say I'm in no way introvert, though.