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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paranoid about class WhatsApp group

38 replies

Pearbiscuit · 20/02/2024 13:41

There’s a class WhatsApp group for my son’s reception class. It’s only a small class (17 kids).

I am really paranoid, whenever I post anything it doesn’t receive any responses, but as soon as someone else posts something, straight after or about a similar thing, they get replies. Even just the thumbs up or heart acknowledgment on their post, I didn’t even get that.

I’m now thinking is it me that’s the problem or is it my son? He’s got currently undiagnosed SEN (probable ASD/ADHD). He’s not violent or nasty , he’s been invited to all the birthday parties so far. He seems to have friends, so I don’t understand it.
He can be a bit silly and I’ve been spoken to about him disrupting the class at times, during carpet time and so on, but the staff are working on this.

My other thought is that maybe it’s me? I’ve had this happen to me in my life previously, I’ve been ghosted by people I thought were my friends.

I do suffer with anxiety and am waiting for my own ADHD assessment, but I try and be pleasant with everyone and smile/ make some general chat.

Am I being overly paranoid or am I right to feel this way? Even just an acknowledgment like other people seem to get, a thumbs up 👍 on their post. I don’t understand.

OP posts:
vitahelp · 20/02/2024 13:59

It's hard to say for sure if they are avoiding your comments or if it is paranoia. But I'm replying to say you aren't alone, my child is also from a smaller class and I spent most of her reception year feeling very paranoid and overthinking everything I posted. I'm not usually a nervous person, I have a decent friend network and work in a business which is 95% men and regularly deal with executive level staff, yet don't overthink often. Yet the class Whatsapp group caused me endless anxiety.

Thankfully I handle it better now, and to be honest I just don't post on there often. I decided for me it stemmed from not wanting to let my child down and making sure I did the best I could for her via the other parents. Yet I don't think it matters as much as I thought it did.

Normandy144 · 20/02/2024 14:06

You're probably reading too much into it. What sort of things are you posting about? Our school WhatsApp is generally limited to reminders about upcoming events at school e.g. don't forget non-uniform day on Friday or parents asking a question relating to school what's the homework or asking for clarification on something e.g. my son said that they're allowed to bring in a book from home tomorrow is this right?

If you're posting opinions about the school/teaching etc then I would be unlikely to engage in conversation about that. WhatsApp group messages can very quickly get back to the school especially if they're being bad mouhed.

123ZYX · 20/02/2024 14:08

Is there any difference in time of day/ day if the week that you send messages compared to others? If you often post when other people are working or busy they might read and intend to reply, but forget later

DifferentAlgebra · 20/02/2024 14:09

What are you posting about?

SallyWD · 20/02/2024 14:14

I think it's probably a coincidence and you're reading too much in to it. I find that people often get completely ignored on Class WhatsApp groups. Sometimes there's a lot of traffic and other times there's none. Could be random or could relate to when you post. I find people often ignore the posts that come during wirk because they're busy.

Alargeoneplease89 · 20/02/2024 14:17

Maybe they already know each other or very involved in networking the playground, have older children etc.

Honestly, you are probably overthinking it - we have all been there. I'm quite socially awkward myself and you do doubt yourself but I'm sure it's not you it's them.

ColleenDonaghy · 20/02/2024 14:20

If you're just posting "Yes, it's pe gear today!" type stuff, it might just be that there's a bit of a clique.

BananaSplitsss · 20/02/2024 14:25

I don’t post on WhatsApp anymore, but I’m a few more years in than you. I even left one group for a few years because the nastiness became too much.

I find that there is a hierarchy in our groups; usually the PTA mums and those heavily involved in school, both past and present.

Gently, I would try not to let it worry you. These people don’t all become your friends.. and you’ll be lucky if you manage to make a few friends from school. It does happen and there are some lovely Mums. Equally there are some really nasty ones who need to be given a wide berth.

Crunchymum · 20/02/2024 14:27

What have you posted that has been ignored?

Dogdo · 20/02/2024 14:36

I wouldn't read too much into it.

I had this recently, my child had a birthday party. All class invited through WhatsApp. Lots of other parties around the same time.

All other parties - lots of messages afterwards saying how lovely it was, thanks for having us, etc.

My child's party... Nothing!

I took it personally for about a day... and worried that our party had been awful (I am an introvert and throwing a big party was not in my comfort zone)... But honestly I don't know (or particularly care about) these people, so I don't need their validation. My child enjoyed their party and the other children seemed to... so meh! That's all that matters.

I wouldn't let a bunch of acquaintances make you feel bad. Life is really too short!

Turtletoe · 20/02/2024 15:04

I was added to a group chat for y6 leavers, there was definitely a clique. I left the chat because i aint got time for shite like that. Funnily enough most of their kids can't stand each other

Original poster
Pearbiscuit · 20/02/2024 15:07

I think it’s more for my child’s benefit, as even though they’re strangers, they will be in my son’s class with him for another 6 years. So a big part of his life.

I’ve only posted reminders for things and random stuff about what’s happening e.g. world book day.
others post the same or similar things and they’ll get a reply or at least a thumbs up acknowledgment.

OP posts:
Catza · 20/02/2024 15:53

Probably nothing to worry about. As a side note, I mute all the groups because I don't need random reminders, newspaper articles and all the other useless stuff people post on there. I would be pretty annoyed if one parent took it upon themselves to send a reminder that it is a PE day or whatever.

drinked · 20/02/2024 16:03

@Pearbiscuit do you have your name on your whatsapp account? Sometimes people post on groups and I notice their names are "anonymised" unless they are in my Contact list. If I don't know someone, I'm less likely to respond.

Also, some people post annoying questions to school whatsapp groups - things they could easily look up on school websites, or find out by reading their school emails properly. Those people are less likely to receive replies, so do make sure you're not in that category.

PomPomSugar · 20/02/2024 16:04

Are you posting ‘Remember guys, it’s World Book Day on Friday and your kids have to go to school dressed up’ or are you posting ‘I think it’s World Book Day on Friday, is anyone able to confirm’?
The first wouldn’t receive a response of any kind from me because I would automatically think you were rude for implying that I would forget. The second I would gladly respond to assist.

Thedogsdindins · 20/02/2024 16:30

I always find those sorts of groups to be a bit cliquy and tend to avoid posting to them. My DS year group had a parents fb page which was always spilling over into all sorts of trouble because of some comment or another. I was a lurker rather than a poster. It was handy to have for useful school stuff.

Containerhome · 20/02/2024 16:33

It's probably the time you are posting. I wouldn't think too much into it.

Fionaville · 20/02/2024 16:36

It's probably the other parents who are very friendly with each other who are giving the responses. Some of these mums might have been friends for a while (they could even have older kids in the same class) I wouldn't take it to heart.

saraclara · 20/02/2024 16:41

When my kids were at lower school, I had a bunch of four or five friends who I'd known since we had our babies together. So had WhatsApp groups been a thing then, I dare say I'd have responded to their posts differently from the way I did to parents I'd never met.

That didn't make us a clique. We were always open and friendly to others at the school gate. But it's like Facebook friends. Some you're closer to than others. Some you respond to more than others. It's just not quite as apparent to the rest as it is on a WhatsApp group.

DyslexicPoster · 20/02/2024 16:44

PomPomSugar · 20/02/2024 16:04

Are you posting ‘Remember guys, it’s World Book Day on Friday and your kids have to go to school dressed up’ or are you posting ‘I think it’s World Book Day on Friday, is anyone able to confirm’?
The first wouldn’t receive a response of any kind from me because I would automatically think you were rude for implying that I would forget. The second I would gladly respond to assist.

We have a info only WhatsApp group. Only admins can post and it's just reminders. I find it really helpful. I'd never take it as patronising. Lots of people aren't as sorted as others

PomPomSugar · 20/02/2024 16:54

DyslexicPoster · 20/02/2024 16:44

We have a info only WhatsApp group. Only admins can post and it's just reminders. I find it really helpful. I'd never take it as patronising. Lots of people aren't as sorted as others

Show quote history

That’s completely different to a self appointed ‘queen bee’ who assumes all other parents are shit.

Original poster
Pearbiscuit · 20/02/2024 17:07

No, it wasn’t that kind of message. It was just a heads up about world book day and that they’ve been asked to dress as a word. As I know similar messages have been posted and responded to.

OP posts:
AcridAndStanLee · 20/02/2024 17:21

Well, you've been invited to the group so I wouldn't be too concerned. These groups are always so awkward if people don't know each other very well.

Lampslights · 20/02/2024 17:24

Probably they know the others, but not you so much. I’d try to focus on recovering from your anxiety , as this isn’t really something to stress about. It’s a class WhatsApp, no one gives it a second thought.

paisley256 · 20/02/2024 17:27

I've noticed this, but I think it's just that they are maybe more familiar with each other and probably know each other better or atleast message each other separately anyway.

Honestly I wouldn't let it worry you, I know it's easy to get paranoid though. I've only just been added to the WhatsApp group and my son is in year 10.