To think my children should be able to be home for more than an hour during the day?

[Doesthisdescribeyou]

We got back about fifty minutes ago. Three year old and baby. Made lunch for three year old and he ate it, spilling a fair amount on the floor. He then lay on the floor so got covered in food. Took him to the toilet and he’d wet himself, ran to get clean clothes. Meanwhile the baby is crying and I’m running back and forth trying to sort her. As I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to feed her the three year old is going to his toy box and bringing toys into the lounge which now looks like a tornado. To my shame I ended up shouting.

Yet all morning we’ve been out and they’ve been delightful.

Am I doing something wrong here?

Oh goodness, I do love it when people get taken to task for shouting. Most humans shout now and again when overwhelmed, it’s normal. A baby and a 3 yo is stressful. frankly the people on here who claim never to shout I always wonder what’s wrong with them. Very odd.

People are unnecessary sometimes.
Life with kids is so hard.
I love mine immensely but it can be so stressful.

Just do what needs to be done, set them up on the floor and decompress on the sofa. You're not doing anything wrong. You're doing great, you're getting them out, you're feeding them, keeping them clean. We all lose our shit sometimes.

When the mad half hour ends, get a brew and keep things low key for a while.

I am stuck at home with an 8 year old with chicken pox. He's been glued to me solidly since last Thursday when it started, in bed all night and on the sofa right now.
My work from home partner is lovely but doesn't understand why I'm tired and at the end of my tether,being a parent is hard xx

Op we have all been there. The incidents you highlighted may not have affected you if they have been spread out across the day, but all this happening in a short time frame is overwhelming and your reaction just speaks of a mum that’s juggling at lot.
Don’t worry, it can turn back around as quickly as it peaked. Failing that, as soon as they get to bed, crack open your favourite drink and some chocolate hobnobs!

It’s normal but not much fun. It would be nice to be able to spend a bit of time at home without the house being trashed and the baby screaming.

Amazing reply.

Mine are angels when out and devils at home, I feel you. And god toilet accidents and the resultant clean up (always when there's a pot about to boil or a crying baby or the doorbell ringing) always frustrate me too.

Try relax about the toys, if making the place looks like a bomb site keeps them happy, then go with it. It's the easiest mess to clean at the end of the day and actually quite therapeutic as five minutes of shoving colourful plastic back into boxes transforms the room.

Otherwise, just accept that having two small children is hard, and it won't always be perfect. Focus on the fun morning out, you're doing a great job.

I don't know. I have a two year gap and 3 and 1 tried me like nothing else. Tolerance requirements have only fallen as they have grown (although we haven't hit the teens yet I'll grant you).

I had a two and a half year age gap between mine so i feel your pain. I basically hung out for as long as I could on my non working days at a local play cafe because going home meant chaos and stress. I remember one morning at home, 1 year old chucked his breakfast on the floor and my daughter pee'd on the floor (potty training) at the same time, then the doorbell rang and it was my friend who decided to pop round with her daughter, honestly i didn't know what to do with myself! I don't think people understand unless they have a small age gap between siblings. My children are older now it gets better, so just remember that.

I agree, unfortunately that’s simply not going to happen. You have children.

Lower the bar girl, lower the bar!

Id be happy with, all fed none dead!

Brilliant line. I'll have to remember that!

I've been there and it's hard. I had 3 under 5 and felt insane most days. I'm ND but didn't know then and the sensory overload aspect was killing me. Multitasking with multiple loud noises is horrendous.

The only thing that really helped me with
shouting is saying "they're just kids" over and over in my head whenever I feel angry. It then becomes a habit, a bit like muscle memory. Walking away if necessary too or putting in some Loop ear plugs to dull down the noise too.

@cryinglaughing it means she isn't perfect!

These are all normal baby/toddler things. I think you need to lower your standards. The lounge looking like a tornado hit it is normal. Mine looks like that and mine are 6 & 11! They aren't even home all day.

Bring his toys into the lounge. Put whatever on tv. Get him changed and dry, of course. But either clean up the food mess before he gets down, or move to another room and leave the food mess until you have time to clean it up later. That way you aren't focussed on that and he's not getting in it.

It is hard though. That's why men aren't giving up their day jobs to be home all day with the kids.

They're probably overtired. Sounds normal. Let them play, watch tv , unwind.

Food on floor - solution: shower curtain under where he eats, sides can be folded up when he gets down so he doesn't get covered in food if you don't have time to sweep it first.

Toys - limit the number he has access to at one time so they can be scooped up and put away in a box easily IKEA Kallax units and boxes are your friend here. Bigger toys are better so they are easier to tidy, train sets etc.

Babies cry - try a sling or similar

Shouting really isn't ok, you are the adult and need to develop your own coping mechanisms to support yourself. Your own overwhelm - noise cancelling headphones and a podcast whilst youre in the same room as the children to drown out the shrill din.

Yes, children in the house and children out of the house are different in my experience. But I’d have it that way round anyway.

I often say you pay the price for a nice day out because everything becomes slightly out of routine and all the good humour and patience as been used up. So the first hour back is often hectic for us too while everyone catches up.

OP acknowledges that shouting wasn't an appropriate response, so I'm not having a go at her, but if a man said "my wife was really annoying me this morning, so I shouted at her", I don't think people would be saying "We all do it, it's totally fine, anyone who doesn't admit to it is smug / a liar"

OP, I suggest you apologise to the children and snuggle up in front of TV with them for a bit. I hope tomorrow is easier for you

I’m not really looking for solutions tbh. A shower curtain isn’t going to stop him lying down so no idea why that’s being suggested anyway.

Aw love its hard at that age, mega hard! I used to do something every morning, play group, library or whatever.
Then come home and enforce downtime, in an ideal the world the baby naps and the toddler watch a bit of TV whilst I'd have a coffee in peace.
Then in the afternoon go and do errands, pop to the shop, post a letter walking thr long way around etc.
Then home by about 4, and fucking carnage would break loose and I'd be watching the clock til DH got home at 5ish to help out a bit.
It's relentless, you're not doing anything wrong. Can the 3 year old go to playgroup a few mornings if you can afford it?

If his wife had woken him up every hour from midnight onwards then was demanding he got up at 630, cried and screamed every time he left the room and tried to trash everything he did I’d say shouting a bit to stop it is fairly reasonable tbh.

Rotate toys so 3 year old has a choice of maybe 5 toys to play with after a few days rotate to different toys. If I had Duplo out I didn't have the Brio train track. 1 bigger toy and a few smaller ones. Also teach the 3 year old to pick up the toys and put them back into the toybox before nap or bed.

Gods sake I’m going to have six pages of rotating toys and shower curtains aren’t I 😂

And. No. I’m not on a point of principle doing anything that makes my life harder. We’re off to the park

As well as two pages telling you to repent at leisure for the very serious hanging offence crime of shouting @Doesthisdescribeyou 😂 hope park goes better!

Pretty normal behaviour from a 3 year old and a baby! In the coming years, you are going to need a higher level of tolerance.
Not really, needs and patience varies over the years but op is literally at the most physically draining and demanding part! Op, hope you get a chance to sit with a cuppa!

We all have shouted at our kids. No one is the perfect parent

Hoover /sweep floor - get a dog to lick it and make more over all work for you 😂 - joke

Then release toddler

Toys. He was playing - what kids do

But yes agree essier to go out - with spring coming will be easier

Do you have a garden 3yr can roam while you sort baby out or tidy up

Put the tv on for a bit