I have no sex appeal and it’s upsetting me

[HelpMePleaseeee]

I’m 27 and I have virtually no self confidence.

I look at old pictures of me and know I was pretty, but now is a different story. The last year has been difficult and affected me mentally and physically.
My hair no longer grows, so it’s stuck just past my shoulders. It’s super thin, flat, oily and does me no favours.
My eyebrows barely grow anymore, there’s no shape to them and they’re not even dark anymore. So light compared to my hair. I have had thyroid and hormones tested and all fine.
My eyes have become hooded so when I’m not wearing make up I genuinely look awful and like a child. There’s almost no structure to my face. I also have really textured and dry skin.

This has all affected my confidence in the bedroom. My DP is lovely and says I’m the sexiest person he knows but I know it’s not true. And actually, I think I had a lot more confidence and appeal when I first met him.
I am having sex a lot less because, quite frankly, I don’t feel attractive enough and I am distracted by cringing at myself for even trying to be sexy.
I know I walk around with a defeated stance and it’s not good.

I know this sounds stupid but I feel like it’s almost too late to get any sex appeal back. This is the ‘me’ that DP knows now, and it would look strange to be any different.

I have tried things such as hair extensions (too expensive to maintain), regular eyebrow tint/lamination (fades so quickly) and skincare and nothing works.

I just feel so sad and hopeless.

Your DP finds you sexy. Therefore you have sex appeal.
I hope you feel happier soon.
I am much older than you, overweight, wrinkles, awful hair but my lovely DH finds me sexy. Because he loves me.
My BF is super sexy she oozes it. She isnt actually very good looking but she sparkles with joie de Vie and is a wonderful flirt.
Find your inner spark and that is very sexy in itself

Oh OP, you’re only 27!
Skincare does work, you just haven’t found the right routine. I feel your pain as I also have shit hair and shit eyebrows. I wear my hair mostly up as it’s easier to disguise how thin it is and suits me. Why don’t you book in with a stylist to discuss a cut and colour that will suit you. Try some new skincare products, have a play about with makeup. I have to pencil my eyebrows in every day as they’re thin and light-bit of a pain in the bum but worth it as it really changed my appearance.

First post nails it

Sex appeal means others wanting to have sex with you. Therefore you do have sex appeal.

Have you gone to the doctors about your hair and eyebrows not growing any more though, that sounds like you could be missing some kind of essential nutrients

Confidence is sexy OP. Your 27 I bet it isn't as bad as it seems. Do some feel good activities. Take multivitamins and get your iron checked as it can cause hair loss (ferritin) along with a full hormone panel and inflammatory markers as it wreaks havoc on the body. Stay positive OP 💐

well, your husband wants to have sex with you so you do have sex appeal. Sounds like you are missing self- confidence.

It’s easy to say that physical things shouldn’t matter but when you are going through it, they do matter. I’d suggest another trip to the GP and also a dermatologist, private if necessary.

Your DP finds you sexy. Are you looking to attract other men?

Did the GP check your iron levels?

Honestly, I'm sure you look fine. Very few people are truly beautiful or really ugly. The vast majority are quite ordinary looking (and I say this to reassure, not to criticise)

And we all have parts of our bodies that we don't like

Did they check your ferritin levels ?
I started taking a vitamin from Holland and b and that helped my hair.

sounds to me like you need a pick me up. I was the same in January.

I changed my shampoo and condition which I cannot believe made a difference to my hair. I got myself a hair cut and dye. Super short bob which I cannot believe I didn’t do earlier.
I had my waxing and eve brows tinted.
I spray fake tan face spray on my face a couple times a week to give me a bit colour.
for myself a couple of spring tops and a pair of jeans. I can’t believe how it helped me boost my confidence.
Hope you feel better about yourself soon. Sounds like your boyfriend really loves you and you def have sex appeal ! Be kind to yourself op x

She's looking to feel attractive, quite normal. This sounds stupid but I think that you have to learn to forget about what you look like. And concentrate on you as a person, doing things you enjoy, with people you like if that's your thing. People who are enjoying life are attractive. This isn't easy but it can be done and what's more it lasts after your youth goes, and brings lasting value to your life.

Here I was expecting OP to say she's single due to this lack of sex appeal 🙄

You sound depressed because none of your reasons are rational: eyebrows too thin and light well most men do not care about eyebrows unless too dark and thick.
For example, men wanted to fuck me more when I was skinny with bald patches from my ED than when I was chubby with beautiful thick hair.
Then you say fades too quickly: well love, the best turned out women have a weekly or at least a monthly maintenance to look the way they do. It's nearly never a one and done thing. Even laser hair removal you keep having top up sessions.
It's like saying whats the point of waxing hair will just grow back or whats the point of cleaning or washing my teeth they will just get dirty again. That kind of thinking is illogical depressed and defeated way of thinking.

When it comes to sex, men generally care far more about your body and willingness to have sex than your hair or hooded eyes.

It might be good to detox from social media like tiktok because you're fixating on appearance areas that it's women mostly who care about.

OP my love you're only 27! Don't write yourself off at this stage! Your partner loves and fancies you, big plus as a jumping off point.

I can't help with a good skincare routine to try as I'm rubbish at it but there are some very knowledgeable folks over on the style and beauty boards who can help if you tell them your skin type and budget.

In terms of eyebrows if you have hair enough to tint then it sounds like you'd have enough to darken / fill in daily and Benefit Powmade is brilliant. Mine are almost white blonde (although my hair is not!) and basically disappear in natural light. I can't be faffed with having them tinted so I take 10 seconds every morning to fill them in.

I find that little easy things make me feel better all round; keeping my toenails nicely shaped and coloured is one, always wearing mascara (blonde eyelashes too!), and using as nice a shower gel and hair products as I can afford.

Have you tried hair supplements from Boots? O have been using Nourkrin for years, they do work. There are other brands available too. As for skin, Boots sells expensive French creams, I buy them when they are 3 for 2, they aren't hugely expensive and really help my skin

It's good, at least, that your issues are fixable. Use a different eyebrow tint. My DP had blonde eyebrows, so he uses dye, and it lasts for a while. You literally have a solution for this one. My mostache grows needs removing every 3 days, but that's just what I have to do!

Hair, go to a hairdresser if your like me and do it at home. Could a diffuser help with volume?

Hooded eyes are normal, I doubt your DP cares (about any of these, to be honest)

I have great hair and a lovely face, but my body lets me down desperately and is as unsexy as to can get. You have to just try your best and fix the bits that you can.

Hi OP, sorry to hear about your problems. I just wondered if you have considered the issue you have is actually depression. Much of what you have said sounds very much like depression talking rather than you? You also sound like a thoughtful kind hearted person. So while you say you aren't nice on the outside, you can rest assured you are on the inside. GL, and be kind to yourself.

I think you need to step back from your physical appearance for a minute?

Why are you feeling so low in confidence? Is it all really done to your looks or as something else happened to undermine it?

Is work OK? Friends? Family? Are you worried about anything?

It's easy to only see the bad when you look at yourself. Other people see you differently.

However, everything that bothers you is fixable. First, if the hair and skin issues represent changes then you do need to get checked for any medical cause. Make sure you are eating healthily and taking care of yourself in general.

Then, develop a good beauty routine. I don't mean maniacal over-grooming, Victoria Beckham style, but put some effort into working out what enhances your look and what suits you and stick to it. It will help you build confidence, which is a very large part of 'sex appeal'.

Sex appeal often has little to do with your looks, it's what's inside. Furthermore, you're only 27! That may not feel young to you but my sex appeal was definitely far higher in my late thirties, and possibly even better now I'm nearly 50, even though my looks have deteriorated drastically in the last decade.

This is a blip, nothing more.

You are only 27, sounds like you are stuck in 'self -hate' mode. Go to the doctors and get some bloods done, you might find that your lacking some vitamins.

Go to the hairdresser and get your hair done, and get your eye brows done too ( brow tattoo maybe?) it will show you that a bit of extra self care can make a whole lot of difference.

Treat yourself to a good anti wrinkle cream and maybe a new outfit. Sometimes you just need a reminder that you are beautiful.

😂dammit lost a carefully thought out post <fat fingers>

agree 100% first post nails it

have experienced super sexy and completely dead eyes (caused by abusive ex)

not safe for me to really ever go full Daisy in public so I haven’t done much outward appearance enhancing stuff

but a plain jane physical transformation isn’t necessary

I found what made the most difference was cultivating safety, care, love and then joy for myself

in that order too really

a make over might boost temporarily, but I’ve found that what has stuck for me is feeling better in myself

I’ve done various therapies & classes, some more effective than others, but once I experienced moments of safety, I could move on to self-care, then self-love and the joy sort of started sprinkling itself in

and one day I was able to look into my own eyes in the mirror and they were no longer dead - not full on Daisy sparkle maybe but a definite twinkle

embrace yourself, sexy shows up best when you love, care and respect yourself as well as others

The first post usually does!

Try making a point of smiling whenever you catch yourself in a mirror. You will instantly look better.

Go and see a stylist.
Buy some nice perfume, nice lingerie and a decent mascara.
Invest in some decent shoes and buy something for you that is slightly extravagant. For me, it's a leather jacket that the second I put on I feel completely confident (I call it my don't-fuck-with-me jacket).
I'm single and the amount of men that I attract because I give an air of confidence is unreal. I'm not conventionally pretty, my hair is terrible, I still get acne (in my mid 30's!) but I have great eyes, a curvy figure and I work with what I have.

Hair - how often do you wash it? You don’t need to do it every day. Start using a gentler shampoo. If you wash hair every day and use an “oily hair” shampoo you’ll stimulate the scalp to produce more oil.

your DH sounds supportive. Ask him which are your best bits, and when you catch yourself criticising your eyes say “but I have lovely lips/shoulders/legs”.