I have no sex appeal and it’s upsetting me

[HelpMePleaseeee]

I’m 27 and I have virtually no self confidence.

I look at old pictures of me and know I was pretty, but now is a different story. The last year has been difficult and affected me mentally and physically.
My hair no longer grows, so it’s stuck just past my shoulders. It’s super thin, flat, oily and does me no favours.
My eyebrows barely grow anymore, there’s no shape to them and they’re not even dark anymore. So light compared to my hair. I have had thyroid and hormones tested and all fine.
My eyes have become hooded so when I’m not wearing make up I genuinely look awful and like a child. There’s almost no structure to my face. I also have really textured and dry skin.

This has all affected my confidence in the bedroom. My DP is lovely and says I’m the sexiest person he knows but I know it’s not true. And actually, I think I had a lot more confidence and appeal when I first met him.
I am having sex a lot less because, quite frankly, I don’t feel attractive enough and I am distracted by cringing at myself for even trying to be sexy.
I know I walk around with a defeated stance and it’s not good.

I know this sounds stupid but I feel like it’s almost too late to get any sex appeal back. This is the ‘me’ that DP knows now, and it would look strange to be any different.

I have tried things such as hair extensions (too expensive to maintain), regular eyebrow tint/lamination (fades so quickly) and skincare and nothing works.

I just feel so sad and hopeless.

I look at old pictures of me and know I was pretty
You’ve going to do this again in ten years: look back on photos of you right now and think “why was I beating myself up?”.

Self esteem is very sexy - that's what I think you need to work on!

Plus get some good all round vitamins with iron.

I agree that a different shampoo can make a difference- mine definitely feels softer with some shampoos than others. I don't do much with my hair - I swim quite a bit, and I never blow dry it, so it needs to be something whuch doesn't need much styling. For me. I'm not you. A good cut can make a difference, and I do keep mine neatly trimmed. I wouldn’t get mine dyed, because that wouldn’t feel like me, and I certainly couldn't be bothered with maintaining it - but if dyeing it would help you, then talk to a stylist. A change of colour can make you feel quite differently about yourself. I'd start with a good cut, though.

I don't wear make up, but I do use moisturiser, because my skin gets tight and dry otherwise (I am older than you - perimenopause is a factor for me.) I need something that sinks in easily and doesn't make my face feel fiery or sting. If you do wear make up, then I think you need to feel comfortable underneath it, so I think moisturiser etc is important, and there will be something which will suit you and your skin.

Posture also helps - standing up straight, shoulders back. It will make you look more c than if you hunch over, trying to hide yourself, which is a more instinctive, self-protective way to be when you feel down. Physically standing up straight, or sitting up straight takes more physical space, around can trick your body into feeling more confident- literally fake it till you make it.

Clothes that make you feel good can help - think about the colour and fabric. A colour that suits you will make you look better, but I find colour affects my mood, too, so I'm in red trousers just now. I'm fussy about the fabrics I wear, so my wardrobe is largely cotton and silk, not many man-made fibres except gymwear. Again, that's me, not you, but clothes you feel comfortable in will help. Well cut clothes which fit well are good, too.

And you know, fairly healthy diet, regular exercise, good sleep - annoyingly, it does all help.

But it doesn't matter what you know rationally because it's about how you feel emotionally about yourself. That can block you from believing your husband. If you can't get past thst, maybe counselling will help.

I do agree with vitamins though. I'm currently on ferrous sulphate for anaemia, and I just noticed this morning I've only been taking half the daily dose prescribed, so no wonder I'm still losing hair... oops.

Oh, if you take iron tablets - vit C improves absorption, but tea, coffee, soda drinks and milk will hinder it, so take them at other times.

Have you had any investigations for hypothyroidism? Eyebrow and hair loss is on of the symptoms, also makes you feel low and tired.

Just a thought that your negative feelings may have a source, and it's not that you lack sex appeal as clearly you do to your DH 😊

I have fine hair but lots of it. When I was younger it was oily and no amount of gentle shampoos and less than daily washing made it look better. Fine hair gets weighed down by oil. What worked for me was daily shampooing with a shampoo with some decent oil removing and body building properties. You really only need to wash your scalp and let the shampoo run down to clean the ends. I shampoo my hair first in the shower and leave it with shampoo on while I wash the rest of me. After rinsing I only put conditioner on the mid-lengths to the ends. Then I rinse very thoroughly. A root lifting spray can add some body as well. A heated brush thing for drying can also add body. It's true too that a lack of iron can make your hair thin out. A medical condition meant that I had lower iron for a while and my hair did thin - it grew back in when my iron levels got back up. Are you eating a decent diet - with fruit and vegetables?

There are lots of kits to dye your eyebrows. Use gloves because some of the modern ones can really stain nails. They do work but you do have to slap them on monthly. I'd go for dark brown rather than black if you are quite fair as black can look a bit startling. Once they're dark it's easier to pluck them into shape - you just want to tidy them up rather than trying to create a whole new brow shape.

There are huge numbers of web sites with tips on make up for hooded eyes - have a look at some and try some things out.

The thing is that as a much older person I can guarantee that at 27 years old you are far more attractive than you realise. I look back at old photographs and think, why did I ever worry? I have beautiful well cared for skin for my age - dermatologists tell me that - but I look at all that fresh faced fullness in old photographs and sigh about never appreciating it at the time.

You do sound depressed though. Sometimes it takes a while to recover from a traumatic event or events. After a really awful time I once had a haggard and slightly crazed look for a while afterward. Have you thought about some counselling?

Get a grip OP, and and as a matter of urgency, work on your self-esteem. Your husband no doubtably finds you sexually attractive, so this is a non-issue. You need to work on yourself and your thinking. No amount of superficial things you do to yourself re. your hair, your eyes etc or anything else you feel is the cause because you will always find fault within yourself. You need to believe in yourself and love yourself. This is the only thing you need to work on.

I say this kindly and as a someone with no hair, no eyebrows and no breasts - am currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. However, when I look in the mirror, I can still see I am attractive and I have sex appeal.

Wishing you all the best and please, work on your thoughts, learn to shut down your inner critic and stop driving yourself to distraction. See a therapist if you have to.

What are your levels of fitness like? Improving fitness usually helps you feel better and increases confidence