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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt about being cut out of group photo?

28 replies

carlottavaldes · 19/02/2024 17:41

I recently went to a friend's hen-do and as part of it we did a dance class. There were about 10 of us. At the end of the class the hen asked the teacher to take some photos of us. Lots of great photos were taken and sent round to the group afterwards, but the one the hen chose to share online showed us all standing in a line - except it didn't show me, because she'd cut me out of it. Literally everyone else was in it but I had been cut (I know this because I saw the original photo, with me in it). All I can think is that I was ruining the symmetry or something because I was standing at one end. I feel confused and embarrassed about it - everyone who went to the hen do can also see that I was cut out. I haven't had a falling out with the hen, as far as I know, so it can only be that she thought the photo looked better without me. It's making me paranoid about how I look, and also making me think she's a lot more superficial than I realised.

OP posts:
Spinet · 19/02/2024 17:43

I bet it's just the one that she likes best of herself. She probably hasn't noticed someone's not in it. Everybody's eyes go straight to themselves on a group photo don't they.

HoHoHoliday · 19/02/2024 17:47

You can worry and stress over this for the rest of your life, or you can comment on the photo "why have you cut me out of the photo".

UtopiaCookbook · 19/02/2024 17:47

Why would you think there was any conscious malice? People take remarkably bad photos, and as a pp said, this was probably the best one of the hen, or the only one where she didn’t have her eyes shut. Photographing people in a row can be tricky anyway. I doubt she was consciously excluding you. Ask her for other photos if you really feel strongly about having one that you’re in?

Sapphire387 · 19/02/2024 17:48

Are you sure it's not a tech issue, like it's automatically trimmed the edges?

Also have you tried clicking on the photo to see if it expands?

Mrsjayy · 19/02/2024 17:49

Spinet · 19/02/2024 17:43

I bet it's just the one that she likes best of herself. She probably hasn't noticed someone's not in it. Everybody's eyes go straight to themselves on a group photo don't they.

I think its probably this I mean it's not right I would have to be cheeky and say something like I must have been at the toilet or something when this was taken !

Firkinhavinalaugh · 19/02/2024 17:51

I’ve done this on a couple of occasions totally by accident.

if you want “malicious” MIL has photos of everyone in inc DH and our DC and has cut me out of them all. I am not acknowledged at all 🤣. DH and I are very much together so……

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 19/02/2024 17:52

Were you at the end?

I'm going to agree it was probably the one she looked best in

And no one else is going to realise you're not there tbh

Porfirio · 19/02/2024 17:54

Why can't you comment saying - 'Where am i? I was at the end next to Jean! '

Zepherine · 19/02/2024 17:55

I’d be delighted if it were me that was cut out.

Ridiculous24 · 19/02/2024 17:57

I would just make a jokey comment like, well I look bloody amazing in that pic! Or something much funnier 🤣

user1471517900 · 19/02/2024 17:59

Instagram sometimes "zooms" in on photos when you put them up, so she's probably not realised it's cut you off the end.

girlyjim · 19/02/2024 18:02

Was it on instagram? It does really weird cutting with photos, if it's more than one, it will resize them all to the size of the first photo. She's probably done that without even realizing.

FirstTimeMum887 · 19/02/2024 18:12

Instagram cuts the end of photos to fit their size. She probably just likes that photo of herself and did not notice you got cut out. A bit insensitive maybe but nothing to worry about. I would have made a jokey comment to the photo tbh.

milesmachine · 19/02/2024 18:15

Spinet · 19/02/2024 17:43

I bet it's just the one that she likes best of herself. She probably hasn't noticed someone's not in it. Everybody's eyes go straight to themselves on a group photo don't they.

But it's not a photo that the OP happens to not be in, it's one that's been purposefully edited to cut out the OP

I know instagram has a 'square' ratio but you just zoom it out to show the whole photo.

I'd be upset too OP and comment asking where I went!!

Mnetcurious · 19/02/2024 18:29

Don’t blame you for being upset. It’s probably not deliberate but it is insensitive. You can either move on and forget about it or make a slightly pass-ag comment along the lines of “cheers for cutting me out of the photo Sarah! 😅” I’d be inclined to leave it though.

Sassysia · 19/02/2024 19:49

Was it on Instagram? Landscape photos often get cropped! (I use IG a lot!)

Allican · 19/02/2024 19:52

Sassysia · 19/02/2024 19:49

Was it on Instagram? Landscape photos often get cropped! (I use IG a lot!)

I was about to say exactly this. If it was landscape and on Instagram, then it was probably the app that cut it. This happened to me once with a friend and I didn’t know it was going to happen until the post had uploaded. I did message her to apologize though!

shoppingshamed · 19/02/2024 19:56

Has this happened to you before? There was a previous thread almost exactly the same issue, I don't know if it was ever resolved, maybe someone else can remember it, it might have some suggestions

RawBloomers · 19/02/2024 20:06

If you are certain the photo has been edited by her before posting then I think that’s pretty shocking and I’d have to ask about it.

But do check the photo first, as a PP said, lots of sites auto edit posted photos to fit their site layout, but if you click on them you get the full thing.

And ignore the majority of posters here who seem to have huge reading comprehension issues. You were clear you were in the photo as taken. It can be unsettling to have lots of people parrot an obviously untrue narrative back to you, but I’m afraid that’s AIBU for you.

Spinet · 19/02/2024 20:52

I confess I misread but the fact remains it's much more likely she's made a mistake because she was looking at herself rather than deliberately cut you out. I don't think I'm parroting anything. I think some posters like to encourage paranoid thinking without any evidence whatsoever.

Allican · 19/02/2024 22:31

milesmachine · 19/02/2024 18:15

But it's not a photo that the OP happens to not be in, it's one that's been purposefully edited to cut out the OP

I know instagram has a 'square' ratio but you just zoom it out to show the whole photo.

I'd be upset too OP and comment asking where I went!!

Show quote history

No you can’t just ‘zoom out’ - well you can try, but if it’s a landscape photo, it will still cut it once you upload. You have to turn the entire post to landscape which I’ve only just discovered how to do. Op’s friend probably didn’t realize.

InnocentAndDeranged · 19/02/2024 22:45

Sounds like a win to me, now you dont have to go to the wedding now.

fairydust11 · 19/02/2024 22:51

shoppingshamed · 19/02/2024 19:56

Has this happened to you before? There was a previous thread almost exactly the same issue, I don't know if it was ever resolved, maybe someone else can remember it, it might have some suggestions

Yes I remember someone posting about something very similar previously and the photo was also taken on a hen do.
I can’t remember what happened previously but op why don’t you privately message the hen as to why she purposely cut you out?

Plus i’ve found you can zoom out of a photo if you rotate the photo first 360 before uploading.

Original poster
carlottavaldes · 20/02/2024 08:30

Thanks everyone. I agree with those saying I should have said something at the time. It wasn't a case of the app cutting off the photo, or her posting a photo that I wasn't in - it was definitely a case of her cutting me out of the photo. Probably not maliciously, probably just to make it more symmetrical, but I should have called her out as it was a naff thing to do, given how long we've been friends and how far I'd travelled to be there. Unfortunately I have stewed on it instead and now it feels too late to raise it (was a few months ago) - so a lesson for me for next time. If something annoys you, say so!

OP posts:
Allican · 20/02/2024 08:40

But how do you know it wasn’t the app? Maybe just ask her

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