To think I don't need elaborate excuses for declining this invite....

[DeeTeeEff]

... I've been invited to the evening do of a wedding. I'm going to say "Thanks for inviting me, but unfortunately I can't make it"

I was very happy with this reply but now my mum has me doubting myself. She is adamant that I should give an excuse because declining a wedding invite is bad form.

I don't need an excuse do I?! My reply is fine isn't it?!

Absolutely fine.

Totally fine.

They are not gonna reply and ask why, are they?

Yes - absolutely fine. You don't need to give a reason.

Yep - evening invite, sorry I can’t make it is fine !

so your mum wants you to lie?

You are an independent adult and can response with however you damn we’ll choose

your suggestion seems fine to me

unless the drip is that the bride is your bestie of two decades

It’s fine. If they desperately wanted you to attend then you’d be a day guest!

Thank you!

Yes, basically my mum treats all invites like they're a summons. But she has a special brand of weirdness reserved for wedding invites.

I'm definitely a grown adult but she was absolutely adamant that declining a wedding invite without a rock solid excuse is heinous. She was so incredibly sure on this point that I just had a bit of a wobble.

you never have to make up excuses to decline any invitation.

Sure, if it's your sister's wedding, fine tell her why. Apart from that? nope. I always think the convoluted excuses people give on here are utterly batshit. Keep it simple: thank you for the invitation, i won't be attending.

Where does it say the mum wants her to lie?

Of course it’s fine. It’s arguably not fine if it’s your sibling/parent/best friend and an invite for the full day, but an evening invite - absolutely.

* I should give an excuse *

Nah, it’s an evening do invite. They just want to know if you are going or not. It’s yes or no.

Oh yes, she definitely thought I should make up a lie because declining an invite to anything wedding-related needs a rock solid reason.

She's mad.

I have sent the reply and the world hasn't caved in yet

It’s fine. Why would they even care what the reason was. Just tell them whether you’ll be there or not

Depends on what her actual reason was. There could be all sorts of minor reasons why you might not want to attend. Presumably her mum would be even more offended if she relied with something like ‘I cba’

Lying is much worse than just saying 'thanks but I won't be able to make it'. As the bride I'd be more offended by a lie.

let me guess

you and her generally don’t have a great relationship!

Your message is definitely fine, no need for an excuse. It would be different for the full wedding day, but the evening invite is usually a more relaxed invite anyway.

I think it depends whose wedding it is.
I'd probably feel I needed a good excuse to miss my sister's wedding but I don't expect a work colleague would give a shit why I said no.

The thing is, you're not being invited to a wedding. You're being invited to the evening of a wedding (a.k.a. the afters of a wedding, at least that's what I know it as) so a pre-printed "Regrets" card would be perfect here.

Your mum is probably thinking that you've been invited to the whole day, were it might be reasonable to expect an excuse as to why you might not be able to attend but as it's the evening part only, you're fine with what you have suggested.

An all day invite a reason might be good but not an evening. I generally cba with evening invites: I love a good wedding but only if it's friends/family. Evening is more likely to be distant cousins or not close work colleagues.

Moral of which is, never tell your mum when you get invites you intend to decline, OP! 😉 (Unless she knew because you were both invited?)

YANBU - you could always say 'due to prior engagements' if you want to but a simple 'thank you but no' is fine.

Hmm. I think the phrasing is key if you don’t want the person to think you aren’t a bit lacking in social graces. Maybe that’s what your mum was getting at.

No, I definitely told her it was just the evening do! She's just weird