To think I don't need elaborate excuses for declining this invite....

[DeeTeeEff]

... I've been invited to the evening do of a wedding. I'm going to say "Thanks for inviting me, but unfortunately I can't make it"

I was very happy with this reply but now my mum has me doubting myself. She is adamant that I should give an excuse because declining a wedding invite is bad form.

I don't need an excuse do I?! My reply is fine isn't it?!

Maybe, but surely "social graces" is politely saying "Thanks but I can't make it" rather than making up an excuse or just saying "No, I don't want to come" 😂

I wouldn't accept a second tier invitation under any circumstances. Certainly wouldn't be tying myself up in knots fabricating an excuse.

No, we do actually get on okay

She just thinks all invites are summons, especially wedding related ones

Social graces are unlikely to be the strong suit of someone who issues two-tier wedding invitations, tbf.

Your reply was fine.

your mum just needs to realise things are different these days

It's absolutely fine! They will presume you have a valid excuse. In a way, providing a reason is what can cause more trouble because it may not be deemed to be enough. Even if the bride and groom don't care someone will be asking why you didn't cancel the other engagement etc. Vague and polite is the way to go IMO.

Totally fine

✅ Good: "Thanks for inviting me, but unfortunately I can't make it"
❌ Bad: "Thanks for inviting me, but I don't want to come"

Yes for sure. It’s just when I see some responses posted on here- not just on this thread- I do cringe slightly. I was meaning that there are ways of softening a “thanks but I can’t make it” response to make it seem warmer and more polite than literally just “Thanks for the invite but I’m afraid I can’t come” which to my ears sounds cold and blunt

Why wouldn't you accept an invitation to an evening reception?

She just thinks all invites are summons, especially wedding related ones

but she’s not encouraging you to go

she’s just encouraging you to lie

which is bloody unpleasant

i love an evening reception

none of the dull bits. You get your full weekend to chill / housework / catch up

rock up for nice nibbles and a dance