I hate hate hate being a mum today

[Nononoohnono]

I’m just sounding off but oh god I just want to fast forward time.

My seven month old is literally fighting me. Grabbing chunks of my hair and yanking it, grabbing the skin on my face and neck and twisting it. If I put her down she flings herself around and screams. My poor three year old gets completely ignored because of it all, and understandably it’s affected him and our relationship. I don’t wish I’d not had them but I hate this stage so much.

YANBU. It's shit. Have a coffee & a cake ☕🍰

YANBU. I tried to explain to DH the other night how hard it is to be constantly grabbed, have my hair pulled, neck, mouth and breasts scratched all day and night by 6 month old DD, but he doesn't get it. I know she isn't doing it on purpose - it's just a weird habit she's got into while BF - but I feel like I'm constantly pulling my hair out of her fists or stopping her from digging her hands into my mouth.

YANBU but I would nip that behaviour in the bud. Immediately. I would purposefully but gently grab their hand and move it away from your face, and explain why. At that age they will begin to understand.

I have seriously never come across such a strong baby. I literally feel like I’m in a physical fight, it’s as if she’s possessed or something.

She’s frantic. Grabbing, arching her back, twisting, turning, squirming. It’s like she hates life and hates everyone and I’m starting to feel like I hate her.

Put her down in her cot and walk away. Or in her buggy and just outside the back door.

It does sound as though she might be in pain. Have you visited a doctor?

The phase where they are needy and can't communicate is the worst OP. I went back to work full time because I couldn't deal with it so I feel you. Is your DH doing his bit?

Has she got a jumperoo or similar you can plonk her in for a bit?

Stick her in cot with toys and walk away for a bit. How often is it happening

I agree it sounds like she's in pain.

I know not everyone agrees with this but I've been known to give a just-in-case dose of calpol when dd was behaving like this, even though I wasn't sure if pain was the cause.

I would but she fights so much I can’t get it down her. She’ll go in a jumperoo etc for about two minutes then starts whingeing. She’s generally OK out of the house. So we’re rarely home but I’m living in chaos as a result which isn’t helping my state of mind.

She's 7 months old, totally fine to put her down with her toys and not pick her up when she starts whinging.
Just distract her with a different toy, or put some music on.

But first go hide in the kitchen for 2 minutes with a cuppa & some chocolate!

Ah op that sounds so hard. Ds used to do that when he was fighting a nap or when he had trapped wind. I've heard some babies get really frustrated because they want to be more mobile than they are yet and then they settle. Is your wee one crawling? When ds was like that the only two things that worked were getting him in his pram and out for a walk or sticking him in the bath for a splash, both can involve your wee one.

I have also given calpol in these situations to rule out pain and I've used skin to skin and just stuck them under my dressing gown in their nappy for a bit. The sling helped me too.

But it's not easy, you're doing something really difficult and intense that requires a huge amount of emotional energy and I see you. You're doing amazing.

Do you have a partner who can take over for a while when you get home so you can have a break? I found a hot shower or sometimes 30 mins in a dark silent room when dh got home was exactly what I needed to reset a bit.

Also kudos on recognising that every day and every stage is different and none of it lasts forever. That alone shows you've really good resilience because it can be so easy to feel like it's never ending!

Also if all else failed I'd have popped ds in his cot where he was safe, put miss Rachel on my phone where he could see and hear it and then just had a cuppa.

A big problem about becoming a mum is you're not an adult anymore.

Adults need personal space, mental downtime and some control over your life. Mums are not allowed this.

It's shit.

Get your partner to bath baby every day, or every other day. I'm sure they can handle at least that and babies are happy in water.
You can then have that short time to not be touched and be free to do whatever without another human hanging on to you. Don't take No for an answer, it's not a big ask

I can’t. She just flings herself around and hurts herself.

I think a desire to be more mobile could well be the source of it. And she is probably teething but she’s been teething since New Year’s Eve and I’ve lost hope of her ever getting teeth. She will be eighteen and screaming due to teeth 😫 (obviously I jest but it feels like it.)

Sounds like wind. Dd got colic at that age.

Try calpol. I did that too

And will she watch a screen. In jumperoo. Screens are not the devil. Mine had calpol in milk or yogurt

Agree with popping her in the cot and taking a moment for yourself. She can’t hurt herself in the cot surely?

get a travel cot to use as a playpen in the living room? Plonk her in there with some teddies and soft books?

I really remember my dd being like this. You can try putting the calpol onto a teething toy or something (a bit at a time over a few mins). She won't be getting a full dose, but under-dosing is safe (unlike overdosing ofc)

whispers it... "its ok to pop the tv on and go into the other room"

Disney has a lot of bright colours, maybe try bluey or CBeebies and leave her to it. It won't hurt.
When I felt overwhelmed I'd watch something on my phone for a hour and let dc watch kids tv with all their toys arranged out they loved it. If not crawling, kick mat out with some toys in reach.

I had two like this. Solidarity. I felt like I lost myself for a long time, like I was essentially an inanimate object whose sole function was to walk, feed, rock, carry and be beaten up by a tiny dictator. DD in particular was mad about pulling my hair and while yes I did put it into a ponytail I just felt so shit that this baby was even making the decision about how I looked. I felt totally powerless.

For me it did spiral into PND after baby 2 and I would say if ‘practical’ help doesn’t alleviate it it might be worth talking to your doctor.

We didn’t get the chance to explore it much with DD (lockdown baby, zero support) but with DS we ran the full gamut of tests and he was ‘fine’. My theory is that I just had two babies who hated being babies!

Theyre now 3.5 and nearly 2 and it’s getting much, much better now they can communicate and there’s consequences for unkind hands etc.

Put her down. Soft mat, toys, something to drum on maybe.

I would even say stop breastfeeding, as you’re feeling so frantic. Formula is okay. It’s better than you being in such a difficult place.
I second the suggestion of calpol. If you can find a way to get it down her, it would be interesting to see if she is calmer.

Some people will never understand what it's like to have a high needs baby.

Mine would scream blue murder if I popped tv on and left the room. Yes I left him to cry and it just escalated to haunting screams.

He's almost 2 and I only just now can leave the room for a few seconds whilst the tv is on.

Solidarity OP. Nothing helped me but time.