Anxiety: AIBU to ask what worked for you?

[listlovers]

I was diagnosed with GAD a few years ago. I’m also perimenopausal. I’m on HRT which helped to start with but I think I need to revisit that too. I’ve tried several different SSRIs before and always had terrible side effects so I’m reluctant to try them again, but I can’t go on as I am. This is ruining my life and I’m awful to live with, I feel such rage all the time over the stupidest, tiniest things, everything upsets me, and I’m constantly overthinking and catastrophising (sp). It’s sending me into depression. Life shouldn’t be this hard.
What have you found most helpful for your anxiety?

Script says to take 1-2 tablets up to 3x a day. I have probably just been taking 1x tablet once a day sporadically, a few times a week, when I think of it. I think my problem with propanolol is that it treats the physical symptoms rather than the emotional feelings of anxiety.

Mirtazapine for me - I haven’t been able to take it for about a week as I’m on antibiotics & I have really noticed the difference being off it.
Definitely giving up alcohol
Getting support for our major problems with DD15
Spending time with our bunnies is great therapy & they always sense when I’m upset 🐰🐰🐰🐰

@listlovers

I do regularly miss meals, a vague attempt an intermittent fasting, but I’m failing miserably at that atm.

Do not do this - missing meals will put your blood sugar in your boots and lower your mood.
The brain runs on glucose.

Sleep, exercise, nutrition, meditation.

Daily cardio exercise

Zoloft changed my life. But it took three months to work. You really need to hang in there for a bit longer, the side effects will subside.

I take magnesium, vit D spray, a multi (Wild Nutrition) a peri menopause complex (wild nutrition) and coq10.

I should also add that I didn’t make all those changes at once! I did them gradually over the years - probably since covid. Now I’m used to it. The hardest thing for me is the junk food as I have a real sweet tooth (though I did eat some trashy chocolate that my son had brought home yesterday this morning!) and the no alcohol - that one makes me feel a bit antisocial! I’m still coming to terms with that one.

The rest I now feel like I “need” and miss when I don’t do.

Maybe start with two things that appeal to you from everyone’s replies! Otherwise I think it’ll feel really overwhelming.

For me it was learning how not to give a fuck about anyone else or anything else. It took a long time.

Propranolol should be taken as regularly as prescribed, on those days you feel you need it.
It can help.

Antidepressants took away my anger and irritability.

He is on medication for his anxiety and it’s been so so helpful for him. He’s also had counselling. He readily unburdens to me when he’s feeling low or anxious, and I keep it all to myself. I had a breakdown this weekend and it was the first he knew that anything was wrong. I just find it SO hard to talk 😣

That's okay OP, I find it really hard to talk too, you are not alone. Once I start I find it hard to organise my thoughts too, are you like this too?
I have not done this myself, but maybe it would be useful. Could you do a little 'house meeting' once a week, on a Sunday or something, where you agree to take it in turns talking about things. It doesn't need to be a big conversation, it could just be to get you used to it.
So every week: 'okay house meeting - how did you feel this week' and then your partner asks the same back to you. Even if you just say '5 out of 10' that's still sharing.
Then you could gave it so the next question is always 'is there anything I can do to help?' To each other. So that's your time to go 'it would be great if you could sort out the washing this week, I really want to sort out our daughters room as it's messy and stressing me out' or anything practical you need. Or, your answer could be 'no, nothing right now'
This way you both get a turn to speak/share if you wanted, and maybe long term you can try and bring up with him that being his constant support is overwhelming you?

Is he aware of things like carers burnout, is that a topic you could approach with him?

I have tried to explain that I get overwhelmed - the mental load an all that - and he responds well, with action and practicality, trying to lighten my load - but I never feel that he really appreciates what’s going on in my brain. So much to think about and plan and organise and manage, etc etc, as we all know. Partly my fault for not speaking about my feelings I guess. I don’t even know why I’m overwhelmed, most of the time though. He has asked me what he can do to help and I honestly just don’t know. I need a break from life, and who can give you that at no cost to anyone else?

Initially venlafaxine, although I came off it years ago.
Since then, lots of exercise (mainly jogging)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (I did a group course but there are also books you can read)
Keeping busy and having a routine

Would love to hear more about commitment therapy. I haven’t heard of that?

I was diagnosed with GAD and had talking therapy it really worked for me have you tried this I was very optimistic but glad I done it it really helps to manage my anxiety

That's really tough OP. And I know that overwhelmed feeling all too well - when tiny things start to feel MASSIVE.
It sounds like you've been prescribed something you can take daily - is it worth setting yourself an alarm and taking one daily for a bit? Yes, it doesn't handle the emotions part, but it might be worth a go. Has your GP put you on any lists for talking therapy at all?
Maybe you do need a prooer physical break though - It's okay for it to be at a cost to someone else if they are willing to bear it. I know I wouldn't mind taking the load for someone I loved for a couple of days if it meant they got a break. It's okay to let someone help you - it sounds like he loves you and wants to help.
You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
How old is your DD?

Giving up alcohol. Walking my dogs in the fresh air. Sertraline.

The way I see it ACT is about accepting negative thoughts and choosing not to engage with them or take them very seriously, as opposed to more traditional CBT methods which try to rationally disprove the thoughts to yourself (sometimes this just gives them more oxygen). A sort of "do not feed the trolls" approach to anxiety. Combined with some mindfulness, making choices based on your values, etc. "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris is a good popular book here

Very well said talking therapy works for me you explained this very well

OP that sounds really tough and you have my sympathy as I have lived with (and still do) similar feelings.

Firstly you’re doing your best, some days that may feel like it but you really are! Self compassion is something you probably will need to relearn every day and adjust every day to build yourself up. Sarah McGlory on Instagram is a good one to folllow in showing yourself compassion and care while running a house.

So I know I may get a backlash for this… and I heavily caveat the following with I’m not a psychiatrist…

i was diagnosed with GAD for years and tried all sorts of stuff from SSRIs to herbal supplements to cold plunges and everything inbetween- and it sort of kind of worked for a bit and I struggled on.

The pandemic hit and long story short I got diagnosed with ADHD which has been life changing and makes so much better sense of how I felt inside. It hasn’t fixed everything but I’m buckets happier and it has brought a degree of self acceptance that really helps and lessens the internal abuse.

Absolutely the above may not apply to you in anyway and this isn’t a recruitment pitch for the “TikTok Neurodiversity is trendy brigade”

Basically what I’m trying to say is if you’re trying various treatments and they aren’t really improving things then maybe have a reassessment of the root cause may be worth it?

Can you remember when and why this started? Finding the root cause of why the over anxiety began is pretty much always the best way in dealing with it.

I find this really interesting as my therapist has hinted a few times over the years that I might have adhd and could be a reason why my anxiety in my teen years was almost unbearable.

Can you explain how the diagnosis has helped you? Have you taken medication for it?

The “fixes” I’ve done to help my anxiety have all been around making sure I don’t have a chance to ruminate and obsess (ie: force me to be in the moment and not get distracted too much). For example, I now have a job where I can’t get distracted and there is plenty of novelty (I don’t work in an office or with a computer, etc.).

So the biggest benefit was self acceptance as silly as that sounds, but don’t underestimate the power of why. Yes it doesn’t absolve you of responsibility but it really helps you understand why you find challenging what other people seem to find a breeze. It really helps manage the shitty feelings from the past and in the present.

Its also really helpful to have a community and resources to help you navigate and commiserate on the day to day challenges of life.

I am on meds and they have vastly improved my mood. The simple science is that my brain has more and consistent dopamine so I’m happier. Plus they help me focus (although it’s still challenging to get my focus to focus on what needs to be done not what it feels it wants to do.)

The other useful thing is my ADHD makes Access to Work support available to me which is government funded reasonable adjustments and support for people to get into work and/or be able to stay in a job.

Ultimately I really do think/know (and this isn’t just about mental health) that women often suffer from valid health concerns only getting surface investigation and a stock diagnosis. Majority of medical diagnostic criteria is based on white male presentation of a condition (although things are slowly changing) and so it’s not unsurprising we get misdiagnosed or ignored.

As I said before the OP may well have GAD and I in no way want to take away the validity of her diagnosis or put a value judgment on it. However if she doesn’t (or any other person) feel that the medication isn’t helping her diagnosis then there needs to be a reassessment, be that of the diagnosis or the treatment. This is also doubly challenging to do when you are struggling mentally and advocating for yourself is hard.

For the OP and anyone struggling with keeping it going day to day I would recommend 2 easy to read books:

• How to keep house while drowning by KC Davis
• The Anti Planner: how to get shit done when you don’t feel like it by Dani Donovan (non sweary version also available.)

DD is 7 and adorable but very sensitive and quite high maintenance. I’m considering talking therapy, and have started taking the propanolol more regularly. I’m going to see the GP tomorrow hopefully, as I’d like to revisit my HRT and also get more propanolol.

Thank you so much for this alternative viewpoint. DD (7) is currently being referred for ADHD and I have secretly wondered about me too… I will look up those books. Where did you start with your diagnosis?