To ask if anyone has any experience/advice - binging then making myself sick

[SugarIsMyNemesis]

So I do this when I'm under stress more often, but not all the time. But it's been happening again for a while and I'm struggling to get control of it.

Bingeing on sweet foods in excess - cupcakes/frosting or ice cream etc and then making myself throw up. Sometimes only to repeat it right after. Sometimes with takeaways and meals out too. But not with regular everyday healthy meals etc.

Is there anything I can do to try and get control of this by myself? I don't want to burden anyone with it or share it with someone really...

Bulimia is unfortunately quite common but definitely worth trying to get on top of, can be harmful for you to go on with

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Thank you.

It feels like the official sites are all either talk to your GP or tell a loved one - I guess I was just hoping if there were any strategies I could take myself to try and help at all. Maybe that type of thing just doesn't exist.

You’ve made the first big step by writing this post. Admitting to yourself you have this issue is a really good sign. Well done.
Next step is to seek help, could you talk to your GP and get a referral to talk to a counsellor?
Understanding why you deal with stress in this way and finding better ways of coping is the key solution.
Many years ago I had a period of bulimia for about 18 months, and I managed to get it somewhat under control using self-help books but retained a poor relationship with food and dealing with negative emotions. It wasn’t until many years later with counselling and real life support that I fully managed to heal.
Good luck OP, it can feel very lonely having an eating disorder like bulimia.

Understand that telling a loved one can be a tricky step to take.

how would you feel about calling an eating disorder helpline and having an anonymous chat on the phone to someone who can help? I think that could be a really good path for you to take

I used to do this. I replaced it with other self-destructive behaviours over time.
I don't mean to speak lightly about something that can have such huge implications. It's just that for me, it was something I grew out of. If you can afford to get counselling, or if you have access to an Employee Assistance Programme where you can get some sessions for free, that would be a good place to start to unpick what's behind this. You're worth investing this time in.

I did this at university. Then I read an amazing book by Susie Orbach called Fat is a Feminist Issue and really started to think about what I was doing and why I was doing it. You may be able to get it and/or another good book from your library.

And post on here, to talk. It's probably more common than you might think.

Some practical steps that helped me was working on my self-esteem.
Made sure I ate largish portions of healthy food even after a binge/vomit episode. Trying to stop thinking of some foods being or bad. If I did binge I stopped making myself vomit. For a couple of years I also stopped trying to diet or weigh myself. I’m also still really careful about trigger foods that I used to binge on.
My personal issues were around dealing with anger, I couldn’t express it and turned it in on myself.

Thank you so much.

I guess I don't feel ready to confront it by talking to a GP or family member right now. I just don't think I could put it on my family, and then also mean they have suspicion around me forever, if that makes sense?

I bake as a side hustle and worry that I may have to stop doing that. Maybe I need to take a break from it while I try and regain control.

If I'm honest I've struggled with it half my life but I've managed to successfully stop doing it many times. But lately it is back with a vengeance and far more frequent.. and seems to have more of a hold over me. In the past it was like a one off, after a naughty indulgence or big meal out. Whereas now it's like I pre plan I'm going to do it and buy or make food with that intention already in mind. Feels so messed up to say this 😞

Thank you I think I'd feel more comfortable with this as a first step, I hadn't thought about that idea. I will definitely look into this one. I feel like maybe I need some shock tactics to ensure I do something about it, as my resolve isn't very strong

Thank you for this. I think I may have an EAP through my work so that's another great avenue I hadn't thought about, I've never really understood what it is that they provide. My work hasn't really mentioned much about it other than that it's there.

I worry that I'm growing more into it than out of it in my case which is why I'm realising I do need to really try and tackle this as before I had a level of control over whether I did it or not and I'm not so sure I have that now. Not helped by WFH either.

Really appreciate everyone's help thank you.

I think you need someone kind and supportive. You need to be gentle with yourself, not shock tactics.
please don’t beat yourself up about this

I don’t really have any expertise but just wanted to say you’re so brave for coming on here and talking about it, it doesn’t sound really messed up - lots of people have significant problems for a variety of different reasons, it’s not a personal fault, you are struggling with life and need some help. And recognising that and trying to tackle it is something to be proud of not ashamed

Thank you. This is the first time I've admitted it in written form so to speak.

I felt here might be a good place to either get some advice or brutal tough love, either is probably good right now!

Hi You’ve done so well to recognise that you have an issue and it sounds like you are quite early on in doing this?

I don’t want to scare you but what you are doing can become extremely addictive and serious and damaging to your body.

I 100% guarantee if you carry on doing this you will regret you ever started and wish you were free of it.

Do you feel at this point you could stop?
I have had bulimia for 19 years, it is much better than it was and I have long periods of wellness but I’ve caused serious damage to my back teeth. I am now at a point I can stop myself when I want to binge most of the time. I have sometimes even been in the shop with all my binge foods in my basket and put them all back on the shelf.
I find it helpful if I talk to myself in my head before I do it, I tell myself it will only relieve my stress for a few minutes then I’ll be left with the damage and low feeling.
I tell myself that everytime I vomit I am risking serious damage to my throat and that there are people who need me to be well for them. I tell myself I might as well throw the money down the toilet - I’ve spent thousands of pounds on binge food over the years.

I find things to buy instead like candles, home related things, healthy snacks that are tasty, have a nice bath, go for a long walk etc

My trigger is also stress. I know this sounds extreme but if you can save yourself early on, do it, I locked myself in a prison of bulimia for years.
I have never had professional help for this but my problem only started getting a lot better when my long term partner found out and I could share my pain with him, I was so ashamed and embarrassed but talking helps so much.

I would also try and learn about your condition as it’s not as simple as it sounds, become an expert in it and when you truly understand it, you can fight it.

Thanks so much. I have self esteem issues too. I had to throw my scales out as I used to weigh obsessively, had to stop using Apple Watch as tracked all the activity excessively too. So I know I have some unhealthy behaviours.

I track calories and steps daily and get really irritable if I can't meet my goals. I got really into nutrition for a while which on the one hand helped, as I stopped eating the trigger food so much, but on the other hand it kind of took over and became just as unhealthy.

It's like I don't know where that middle ground is to try and help myself. I guess starting with the nutrition again will help, but maybe not labelling the bad stuff as bad and allowing a small amount. But I need to learn self control with those highly palatable foods.

Hi,
I have personal experience of this.
I'm not sure if this is specific to my area but I was able to self refer to the eating disorders service in my area and have been able to gain access to a specialised psychiatrist and a dietician who are gradually helping me. It's really not easy but I feel more positive.

You could try googling eating disorders service in your area or call your gp and see if there is one you can refer to?
Best of luck. Feel free to PM me

I also did this back in my late teens for about 18 months. I honestly thought I'd stumbled across a unique way of keeping my weight under control and that no-one would have ever done it before! Little did I know, it actually had a medical name and it was very common.

I can't offer any help OP. I just stopped doing it. I've no idea how or why. But I've never addressed the triggering of why I did it in the first place and my relationship with food borders on the obsessive. I hope you find help to help you stop. I'll also be interested in finding out what other PP advice is. Best of luck to you.

You have made the first positive step by admitting it here online. Now please go and get some professional help. It’s a terrible thing bulimia and I wish you all the luck in the future.

Don’t feel messed up about saying this, many really strong and capable people have come out later about having bulimia. It’s a well-hidden disorder, not obvious to others as anorexia or extreme over-eating. I do understand why you don’t want to share it with people close to you in real life, I wasn’t able to myself until after I felt I was getting on top of it.
Another small tip is to put off the binge - say to yourself if I can wait 30 mins, 60 mins, after I’ve been for a walk, made that phone call and so on. Can you throw the food away, flush it down the toilet. Visualise yourself not doing it today and how you will feel.
But don’t mentally beat yourself up is you don’t manage to stop an episode, be kind and loving towards yourself.

Thank you for this and I'm so sorry you've struggled too.

I think that's what I'm realising.. I can't just stop anymore it's like it's taken over and every time I say it won't happen again it does. I guess in a similar way an alcoholic says they will quit but can't seem to control a relapse.

I definitely want to learn so I can at least try to help myself in the first instance.. maybe I can get to feeling comfortable with sharing, but I'm a big foodie even when I'm not engaging in these behaviours and just worry that it'll ruin things and people won't trust me around food anymore or will continue to suspect it.

I'm naturally small and when I'm good I eat well exercise well etc and worry this will make people think I'm still doing it. But I can't do as you say yet and talk myself down from a planned binge, or stop the being sick part after a binge has happened.

I'm going to try really hard from tomorrow. Today was rough, but I'm going to try and remove access to the trigger foods for a little while at least and try to rediscover my love for healthy foods and foods I know I won't or can't purge and see if that helps as a first step. I'm also hoping there are others in the same boat who can get help from this or who may want to try and take some positive steps too.

I struggled with non-purging bulimia (I’m emetophobic so I can’t make myself sick; I would binge eat and then severely restrict my food intake and over-exercise) throughout my teens until my early 30s. I haven’t binged since 14th December 2021 and it is the biggest achievement of my life.

I know I’m a stranger on the internet but I’m proud of you for posting about your struggles here. It’s okay if you’re not ready to tell anyone IRL but you have recognised that you need to make a change and that’s a big step.

Thanks so much, I will have a look into all the resources around. I've not really taken that step yet.

It wasn't til I was watching something on Netflix and a character had bulimia and a warning flashed up at the end "if you or someone you know is affected.." etc that I was like I can't deny this anymore.. it was uncomfortable viewing watching that and everyone's reaction while knowing I was hiding the very same issue myself

Thanks so much - I'm really glad you were able to gain control of it, it's good to hear people saying this as shows it's definitely possible

It's a hard / scary moment but the moment you realise you need / want help can be a real life changer 🙂

You've made the first step reaching out here, even if you don't do anything immediately and just process, that's ok until you are ready for that next step!

My pm is always open please reach out if you need, you would probably be surprised how many people have or are going through something as similar as you!

Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide to do x

Thank you so much. A massive well done for being able to overcome this, I'm really proud of you too! And it's inspirational to me, to know that I can also do this, and I really want to try my absolute hardest to