Recently divorced. I’ve asked for a copy of the electronic photos from our 3 decades together and he’s said no

[Jmob]

Didn’t think to include it in the divorce as I just wanted a copy. Hard drive is at the old house we used to share. So he has control of it.

I have no pictures of the kids when they were young as they are all on the drive.

he says they are his. His saved them there etc. but camera was the family camera of which we only had one paid for from the joint account. I don’t want to take them from him. I just want a copy of them.

I can’t get him to see reason. I think it’s just about as vile as can be to not make me a copy. I have photos from my phone for the last 9 years but have no pictures of my kids when they were young. In fact for my eldest. The first picture I have of her she is 17 YO.

am I making an unreasonable request ? I think it’s him being unreasonable but he’s having none of it and has justified it to himself.

any advice

I’ve checked legal position and it’s gonna be expensive to sue for them. So that’s not an option.

Don’t make an issue of it right now. Think of it as a tug of war which he is determined he will win. Put down the rope. In time he will realise how stupid he is being and things will settle and you can get some photos. You don’t need them
right this minute.

Jfc men🤷‍♀️

Can your kids make copies for you when they are with him?

Play the long game and ask your kids to ask for them.

or go to the house in a year and steal the drive.

but that sucks balls man. What an actual git he is

What a bastard. Are any family members sympathetic who could request them?

There is no good reason for him not to give you a copy. What a total and utterly horrible way to behave. Best bet is probably to have kids ask for them and pass on to you.

Depends what else is going on in your divorce I guess as to why he has said no, on the face of it considering unreasonable perhaps try mediation?

I would leave it for a while, then ask your eldest to download copies of the whole lot onto a separate hard drive. Do some research into the best, fastest and most discreet hardware.

Oh I felt it in my heart reading that. I'm so so sorry.

What a bell end

He's just a typical bitter spiteful prick. Really isn't a big deal for him yo share these

I have all of our family printed photos from pre-divorce, which includes the 1st 5 years of DC and family photos from pre-DC. I told DC that I will sort them out and keep in an album(s) any that have people in. 18 months I am still going - it is a tedious job going through old photos out of the loft.

Ex never asked for them. But when one of his parents died I went through the albums with DC and we found a few that the paternal family didnt have. Apparently they were scanned onto the funeral presentation - no thanks from ex of course!! I have done this for DC - it is their family as well. So definitely your oldest DC ought to be able to ask their father for these. My guess - he will be difficult so perhaps DC need to wait until a big occasion.

Hi, divorced for nearly 6 years and he hasn't given me copies. I've given him 2 hard drives and he says 'yeah I'll get to that', but keeps it as yet another bargaining chip (see also: no child maintenance regularly paid).

My children are still relatively little. They really notice that I have no pictures of them as babies. They show me the pics of them as babies which he sends them on their birthdays which again I'm sure is just to be hurtful.

The extra galling thing is it's all on my mac which he also took. But at the time we had nowhere to live, he'd cleared all accounts and none of our possessions so it's taken a while for me to get to the level where o could even ask for the photos.

I hope your ex is less of a fucking shitbag and fully advocate the eldest child/ children simply asking for them all for themselves as it's not safe for them to just be on one drive?

Drop it immediately. When the kids have keys and he is next on holiday get them to make copies. Dont arose his suspicion because anyone that malicious will delete them or hide them.

This is really good advice.

While waiting it out, perhaps ask friends and family to send you copies of any photos they may have from the children when they were younger. Start a new collection - they may even have ones with you in!

This is what I had to do 20 years ago. He's never even noticed that he no longer has all the photos, he just didn't want me to have them.
When I left, it was just with enough clothes to last a few days. He threatened to kill me if I went back to the house

My ex did this. I've got one picture of our son as a newborn. It's devastating. It's so spiteful. He also deleted the last video footage of my mum before she died.

The Daily Mail will come sniffing g around in a minute. Unless he has significant dirt on you, why would t you?

Politely tell him that if he doesn't send over copies, you will be forced to publicly post on all social media platforms to say that he is refusing to give you photos of your children and ask your friends/family to share any they have so you can build a new collection. Bet he'll rethink exactly how petty his behavior will come across if he thinks everyone will hear about it.

How old are your kids, can you get copies via them? They could take a hard drive with the and copy the files into it for you.

Go to your solicitor.

Ask for a motion to be filed.

There surely isn't a family court judge in the land who would refuse you a copy and would also wag a finger very hard at your ex.

16 years and the ex still hasn't handed over digital copies.

I've long ceased caring.

Don't have your children ask for them.

He would know you had out them up to it and there is a likelihood he would sooner destroy the photos than give them.

Pretty sure legally on my financial consent form it states anything left in the home (effectively my possession) was legally mine and he relinquished any rights over

I'd just ask the kids to copy them next time they are there

But it's got me thinking about the years and years of photos I have in my possession. My ex is a Disney dad who left specifically because he didn't want family life ....I don't think I'd hand copies over either

I agree stop asking him and wait until you know he's out and go and make a copy.

Plus ask all your family what they have.

What a knob!