Friend thinks it's an excuse, I'm not sure.

[Wirralconvert]

We were talking at work on Thursday, my friend got turned down by a man she liked there because apparently he absolutely refuses to date colleagues. A few of us were confused because he seemed keen on her and really went out of his way to talk to her. It's an office of over 100 people and they're in separate teams/in on separate days.
Anyway she thinks it's an excuse, I'm not 100% sure myself. Apparently he was quite adamant about it being a no go for him. In any case we've advised her to move on. Would you reject someone you liked if you happened to work in the same place? (Not even together) i think a lot of people meet at work.

No I wouldn't reject someone just because I worked with them.

I think it's hard to answer without knowing how senior he is. I could see this could make him look unprofessional if he is management or senior management and that he might not want to be the subject of any gossip.

I wouldn’t, but I have colleagues who won’t date anyone they work with. I wouldn’t be keen to date someone I worked directly with though. I would need to be very sure they were for me before I would give it a go.

Like I could get if they worked in the same department but they don't, just on the same floor.
I've never dated/been interested in anyone from work so I'm not sure really.

Maybe he just saw them as friends?

I’ve dated people I met at work and I wouldn’t do it again. Too much stress if you split up and it’s not really appropriate for couples to work together closely, so one of you has to change jobs.

Also, why isn’t it enough for him just to say “No thanks”? Should he be obliged to date someone just because they want to date him?

He isn't senior to her I don't think. I guess it depends on the person.

True, I'm sure he could've just said that. She said he really made a point of insisting it was a bad idea, rather than a simple 'sorry I don't date at work', like saying it didn't work out for him in the past.

I wouldn't date someone I worked with. But I work in an area where I'd have to declare a relationship and we would have to work separately, meaning one person would likely be moved location.

I'd hate to talk about work with a date anyway.

We've seen him twice since but he was sitting on another side of the room. There's no need for them to interact, it would literally just be ignoring each other as they're doing completely different work, which is why she's a bit cynical.

I don't think he'd have to be senior to her to worry about this if he has career aspirations with the company. Any senior manager members dating would be the subject of gossip that could harm their career.

I wouldn’t but I work in a male dominated field and it’s just simpler to have a zero romance/fling ban.

I think she'll get over it, she feels awkward seeing him around now but it's hardly often. I would date someone from another team who I didn't see much, like him, but not my own team.

Nothing to think about. Either way he isn’t interested?!

If your friend wants to check him out that badly she could say oh I’ve found a new job and then see if he dates her?

Or maybe has a small manhood and doesn’t want colleagues to know in the event of a split?

Yes a lot of people do meet their partners at work. But equally, I have met a few people who don't get involved with colleagues.

What difference does it make if it is an excuse or his real reason? He said no. If he was quite adamant about it being a no go for him, she needs to accept that and move on.

Maybe 😂
Just curious really. I think it's one of those that really depends on the person, because you do hear of so many couples who meet at work.

Yep, she did accept it very well. We just got into a discussion about it, just wanted to see what people thought on here. She's left it since.

I wouldn't date someone I worked in the same area with - too awkward.

It's a tricky subject. My best friend works in a small office alongside her boyfriend.

At work they keep things really professional. The only difference being, the managers sometimes have to approve both leave for family events.

It isn't for everyone. Before DH met me (not at work), he wouldn't have considered dating someone he met there.

With our place we're not in on the same days, so you might see someone twice in a week, then you might go a fortnight without seeing them, depends really.

I've never done it and there's nobody there I'm into so I can't really say. I think on different floors might be easier.

Nope, I wouldn’t reject them. But that’s exactly how I met my partner, through work.
He wasn’t a senior colleague though, and there was nothing in our contracts about work relationships.
Even if it is an excuse, I wouldn’t probe it. It’s a fairly good one, as far as letting somebody down gently goes.
And I can see why somebody wouldn’t want to date a colleague. There’s no escaping that easily if it goes tits up, is there?

It doesn't really matter, just personal preference.

Either way he doesn't want to date her.

I'm not sure how I feel about it as an excuse because if either of them does leave, she might think that's her cue, and then get rejected again..
A few years ago I gave a man the excuse that I 'wasn't looking for a relationship ' at that time.
We stayed friends and then I did eventually meet someone. He said 'so you were looking for a relationship '. And stopped talking to me.
I couldn't argue with that one really.
It doesn't happen very often but honestly now I would just say 'sorry I'm not interested in that way". It's easier.

If she did leave her current job, I’d leave the ball firmly in his court to make the move. He knows where he stands with her now.

Exactly