TLDR (Too long didn't read): lots of family staying over, they're really stressing DH out, should I invite them to hang out at our house tomorrow as the weather looks too bad for a walk?
My mum, brothers, their partners and kids have all been planning a belated Christmas celebration this month. The location was tbc for a long time but more recently it was decided that it would be in London, where my brother who has a newborn lives, as travelling is difficult for them. We live in London too. Other brothers have travelled from Wales and elsewhere to be in London with us. We're a big group, 11 adults and 6 children aged 2 months - 6 years.
My mum and one brother and his partner are staying in our house for 2-3 nights whilst others are staying either at my other brother's or with friends.
It's been tricky to decide on a good place to all hang out as we are such a big group. We've done a museum followed by hang at my brother's, and we've done a pub lunch followed by hang at our house.
It's busy and chaotic but I love having everyone here. We don't have guests often and I tend to get a bit lonely in every day life, so I really like this.
To backtrack though, my DH feels the opposite. He's had an incredibly busy and stressful year with work, and has finally been given a week off to recover. Ideally for him, he'd have had no plans whatsoever and been able to rest and catch up on life admin.
Unfortunately it has been half term so we've had both kids (2 and 5), plus it just so happens that this family event is occuring at the same time. So he's pretty unhappy about it all in general.
While he's a social guy, he likes to have his own space. He thinks our house is too small for our little family of 4, so when 17 people pile in he feels cramped! It also doesn't help that he hates mess, whereas my family don't really notice it and can be quite messy.
Earlier in the week DH had asked me to not have too many people stay over (I had to ask one bro to stay at a friend's when we could easily have squeezed him in). He asked me to ask my mum to leave on Sunday instead of Monday so he could have his Sunday night to chill as he was anxious about starting back at work on Monday. He also asked me not to invite everyone here on Sunday morning as he finds it too stressful. He also didn't want me to let anyone know that these were his requests so as not to fall out.
I did the first two things. I felt guilty and awkward asking my family members not to stay and it was so hard to be tactful and not hurt their feelings.
Since all of this, DH is actually now feeling less anxious about work on Monday because he's managed to arrange a few additional days off next week. I also tried to take care of the kids all last week and give him the space be needed to recover from this year of really stressful work. (I should point out it's been quite a stressful year for me too, with the kids, as he's been so absent). DH now says we should have let my bro stay (too late) and that my mum doesn't have to leave on Sunday. She feels better knowing that.
So anyway -
Tomorrow (Sunday) we don't have a plan but want to get together. We were going to plan a walk but it's supposed to rain. My mum keeps pushing for us to all hang out at our house again (even though DH specifically requested not to). The others all agree that our house is bigger than my brother's place and has more toys / entertainment for the kids. I agree, and it's nicer in my opinion! Plus, even if the weather was good, a walk would be hard on my mum who has arthritis in her hip and walks slowly with a stick. And museum trips are too tiring and everyone goes off in different directions, and pubs are very expensive/ not to mention hard to get a table late notice for such a big group.
So when everyone was asking me what we'd do tomorrow, it seemed so logical to me that everyone should just come here again. Plus my mum keeps pushing for it, along with others, so I was in a tricky position. I knew it made sense, I knew my DH didn't really want it, but I didn't want anyone to feel unwelcome. So I went along and said in as uncommitted a way as possible that we should probably hang out at ours and would confirm in the morning.
That's where we are. DH is pushing for a walk even if the weather isn't great. He would way rather we went to my brother's place but no one else wants to and I don't have a good reason to request it without telling people DH doesn't want them here.
If it's really rainy in the morning I'm not sure what I'll do!
Would I be unreasonable to persuade DH that everyone should come here? Or should I be more considerate towards him?