If your grandparents, would this be too much?

[Sprogonthetyne]

Trying to work out if we're taking the piss with our school holiday arrangements. The situation is that I work nights, can take all of the school summer, Easter & christmas off (so no issue there) but usually have to work 2-3 nights during half-terms. DH can take these days off, but would find it difficult to keep the DC out all day or quiet in the house while I sleep.

The solution we've used for the last few half terms is that DH & DC all go and stay with the in-laws, for those 2-3 days. They're not doing childcare as such, as DH is there too, but there's likely to be a lot of "granny, look at this, grandad play with me .." from the kids. They have never expressed any issues with this, but it's always DH asking if they can come, so not sure if they feel put on the spot. DPil live about 2 hours away, and apart from this we see them 6-8 times a year, with either them coming here or both going to another relatives house.

If you have grandchildren, would you be happy for them to be in your house for that long, three times a year? Or would you be getting sick of it and prefer it if we made other arrangements and stuck to day visits?

@Gazelda

Having grown up with my parent working shifts for my whole childhood, my experience was that it's miserable being constantly expected to keep noise down because dad is sleeping, don't flush the toilet because it's next to where dad is in bed, no toast in case it sets the smoke alarm off, no friends over because they might forget to be quiet, no playing music, ..... etc

Your experience is juts one experience though. Not everyone wakes at the slightest noise and not being able to make toast because it might set off the smoke alarm is nuts.

I think its obvious that DH needs the adult companionship of his parents when you are working nights. I think its a fine solution. Don’t overthink it!

Not a problem. Grandparents realise how quick these years fly.

I'm a granny working full time. I love having the grandchildren. I do need notice so I can organise time off but happy to do it more often and for longer.

This

I’m not a GP yet, but I think I’d quite like this arrangement as long as dad is doing his bit too. I mean, I’d definitely plan stuff with the kids so I could have my own time with them too, as long as he was parenting when we were in the house.

They need to say if it is too much. It sounds like a good way to keep in touch Personally I’d just keep everyone home and chuck some ear plugs in

Im not gonna do any baby sitting when im a nan I done my year with kids without any help not doing it again.
I will only be available for emergencys.
My advice to my children is you have them you take care of them its not my responsibility.

I’m not a grandparent but I’d absolutely love it if my kids did this. We bought a bigger house so we can all have our own space now and there’s still plenty of room for dc to both bring their families to stay in the future if they choose to. I very much hope to see lots of them when they move out. I haven’t explicitly said this as I don’t want to get on their nerves but I hope they never feel they have to ask to come home for any reason. They can keep their keys and the door is always open if they need us.

If everyone was in agreement with it I'd happily have just the DC to stay.
As you say its only a few times a year.

Obviously it really depends on the personalities of your in-laws but I can't see it being a problem for most people. I visit my parents many half terms just so they can see the children (and me). My friend takes her children to see her parents every single school holiday for a week. They love it!

I'd love it

And my parents have always loved having the DGC all to themselves

They don't live nearby but the drive isn't too far just over an hour

They've had them since they were babies, a few months old, so they're really close having been a big part of each others lives

OP’s DH is driving this, not her. He is choosing to take their children to see his parents.

Tbh my DM prefers looking after them without us around. She has strict boundaries but still manages to spoil them without spoiling them if that makes sense

I think this sounds lovely. No harm in asking your in laws though, just to check (or getting DH to ask).

I’m not a grandparent but I think most good and involved grandparents without any illnesses would love this, especially with their son their also so actual childcare isn’t fully on them. They can just have fun!

We are GPs about 70. We currently do 2 days a week child care (1 day for each child). I prefer to have them in the holidays as there isn’t so much rushing about in the morning. Soon all our grandchildren will be at school and we will just be doing holidays. Yes I love having them and also nice to have our children (or their spouses). I don’t think it is too much.

I am a grandmother, I work full time but also work my shifts around minding a grandchild 1 day a week, same as I did for the one before him who is now in school. If I lived at a little distance and didn’t see the grandchildren the 2-3 times a week I currently see them I’d be thrilled to have them for 3 nights every half term. It’s win win, I’d get to see them and spend fun time, I’d get 3 days of my adult child at home and I’d not be fully responsible for them as said child is there too!
I wouldn’t overthink it, enjoy your peaceful sleep OP!

I'm a grandmother and would absolutely love this!

Unless there is a back story and your kids are badly behaved and hard work, this sounds like a lovely way for them to spend time with them and for you to work knowing they are being cared for and having fun.

Having lived with my parents and grandkids visiting. In will say 2-3 dayw is a breeze. They have their grandkids come for 1-2 weeks without their parents. So we hadn't look after them including me! I would have preferred short stays and supervised with parents. Especially as my parents have health issues physically. It was a lot.

I would love it if I was a grandmother.

We would be quite happy with that especially as it means they see their son too. Presumably they would say if they couldn't do it?

I think your arrangement sounds ok as DH will be there to do a lot of the parenting stuff.

I have a grandchild (grown up step child has a DC) but I’m 49 so still work full time as does DH so we wouldn’t be able to do something like this. I think it’s lovely your DC will have such a good relationship with their grandparents

Of course that is up to you but I love caring for my grandchildren I feel lucky to have the type of relationship with them you only get from caring for them. Incidentally I also never had any help with my children .but I don't think that's relevant.

But also in this case the grandparents are not caring for the children as their dad goes with them. They are just visiting every half term for a few days.