To feel really hurt

[Takenobull]

My cousin is getting married and initially told us (family) that they were having a very small ceremony to keep costs down with only 10 guests of immediate family and best friends.
A week or so after the ceremony they are going to have a party to which we are all invited to.

I was disappointed to not be going to the ceremony as I would have absolutely loved to have seen my cousin getting married to her fiancé who is already a big part of the family. They have been together years. However, I accepted that was how it was going to be and genuinely wished them well and looked forward to the party.

We are a pretty close family and often have family BBQ’s, have spent numerous NYE‘S together, birthdays etc. They were all invited to my own wedding a few years back.

Talk of their wedding has been going on for around 3 years now as they have struggled with what to do. In an ideal world they wanted to get married abroad which we were all very excited for but, due to my cousins father being quite elderly now it isn’t an option. We’ve all been bouncing ideas around whenever we’ve been together and at one point I offered our garden to have it in. Due to all of these discussions I had assumed we would be invited to the whole thing before I knew it was going to be kept very intimate.

Fast forward to around a month ago and my cousins daughter has updated another family member of all the plans and it now transpires that in actual fact the ceremony is a far bigger affair. There will be around 40-50 people and they’ve booked a hotel for a meal etc afterwards. There are now bridesmaids, a full wedding dress, hen do everything!! Lovely. BUT- We are not invited. I feel incredibly hurt.

I have grown up very close to my cousin. My dad has done so much over the years for her and we have spent a lot of time together over the years so, I’m so baffled as to why we wouldn’t be invited. And gutted as I never saw it coming.

I think it’s more the fact that it all feels a bit cloak and dagger with us being told it’s one thing when actually it’s very much another now.

I obviously won’t say anything but just wanted to see if anyone else thinks my thoughts are valid or if I’m being silly?

Yanbu to feel upset.
I was going to say 40 people can easily comprise of B and G immediate family ( parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces, nephews best friends )
But sounds like they don't have lots of family that are closer than you and that you see a lot of each other. Is your dad invited?
Who is on guest list? Is it friends and their partners and children- 20 guests each is not a lot.
But i think I would be reassessing my relationship to this cousin whom I though I was really close with.

If she starts to ask xpusins no mattrr how close she has to extemd that to others. As the groom gas no family perhaps its him drawing a line as they want a small wedding saying only siblings etc

His feelings arent being comsidered here

No he’s not and actually if he had been invited along with my uncle then I don’t think I’d have batted an eyelid that myself and my other cousin weren’t.

I can totally see that you’re hurt - it is hurtful to be excluded in this way and no amount of, “their wedding; their choice” is going to make you feel better.

I know of a not dissimilar situation and it came down to age. The cousins are close but while the older one automatically includes the younger one in important events the younger one doesn’t. He loves his cousin but doesn’t see the relationship in quite the same way the older one does. Doesn’t make it less difficult to swallow but may help to explain it…?