Terrified i'm dying!!!!

[Lostmymind11]

Sorry if this is on the wrong thread but i'm not sure where to put it

Nearly 2yrs ago i had surgery to remove a sarcoma (no treatment afterwards as not needed). My 6 month scan was clear and i had another scan 4wks ago to check if it had come back. The hospital have rang today and told me they had booked me in next Friday to see a member of the surgery team. I am abaolutely terrified and beside myself with worry. I am a single parent to a very young child who has no contact with dad due to domestic abuse. I barely have any family/friend support. If the cancer is back i really don't know what i will do. I feel physically ill

Good luck for tomorrow, and sending a virtual hug and handhold x

Hope you're doing ok

Huge but gentle hugs for you 😙

Just read your thread. Life is so unfair. It really is. I’m thinking of you.

Hi everyone, i had my MRI today. It was awful, by far the worse scan so far. I had to have an injection for the scan and the person who did it really hurt and my arm was bleeding. I then laid fully inside the scanner for 35mins with tears rolling down my face. My team have MDT on Mondays so i'm hoping i get my results next week but not holding my breath. I can't look at my 5yr old without bursting into tears. Why me??????

@balkanscot i'm so so sorry to hear you're going through this as well. Life really is cruel

Oh hopefully they'll bring you in soon for results and a plan. I really do think these things sound hopeless at the start but when you're presented with facts and treatment options things feel better. I hope they'll have a good plan for you x

Sending hugs to you and @balkanscot
xxxxx

Why you? Because sometimes life is fucking unfair. It isn't your fault. It isn't anyone's fault. But it absolutely sucks. I am so sorry. I hope you hear a plan soon.

I'm scared to listen to what they have to say. I honestly feel like running away and never going back

Thinking of you @Lostmymind11 and praying for some postive news of a plan of action xx

Oh love. That is so understandable of you. Denial is a very normal human response. But I know you won't do that. Because you have a mission. And that mission is to do everything possible to be here for your 5 year old. You're a mum. And mums can face almost anything if it's to do right by their child. You must feel so alone right now. But there is a whole cohort of mumsnetters wishing you strength. Big hug.

Thinking of you @Lostmymind11 So sorry you are facing this. Life is so unfair

Oh you sweet thing.... I can't read and run, but cannot think what to say.... In my head I am swearing and cursing all the unfairness in these bloody lives we get thrust upon us. I wish you hope, strength and that medicine will come through for you and your little one.

Hi OP, I'm so sorry to read your updates. I cant even begin to imagine how awful this all is for you. Life really isn't fair sometimes! I'll be thinking of you and praying that the chemo will work wonders 🙏🏻💐

Another sending a virtual hug.
The scan sounds horrendous. I hope you get results soon.
Life is definitely bloody unfair. Xxx

Bastard cancer

I'm very sorry that your scan was horrible and waiting for results is also horrible. There will be a plan and fingers crossed it's a good one.

Well done for getting through a shockingly difficult week; sounds incredibly tough, and you did it.

Can imagine that the wait will be very difficult for you as well, I’m so very sorry you are going through this. It is NOT fair, the feelings you have are totally valid.

You are doing absolutely everything you can possibly do right now, try to take comfort from that. Finding out facts is so important, so you can move forward although I too like you would feel like running away and not knowing. It’s a natural reaction to something that is so hard to face. Part of the fear though is the NOT knowing what you are dealing with so your mind is running wild.

Once you have seen the consultants and have a plan of course it will still be difficult, but you will have a plan and that will help you to get through this.

I think of you every day, being braver than I can possibly imagine. Be kind to yourself, keep as busy as you can manage and keep going. The Mumsnet Army is forming behind you…..

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience on top of an already terrible time @Lostmymind11. You got through it though, just take one day at a time. Sending you and @balkanscot big hugs and prayers.

Oh god love you. That sounds awful. No wonder you want to run away. Thinking of you.

I just came back to check the thread and I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear this.

Quick bit of advice: when someone hurts you while giving an injection, speak up IMMEDIATELY. Unfortunately, it could be a sign that they’ve gone right through the vein and they’re putting it into your arm. So please, please tell them. Yes, injections might be a bit uncomfortable, but if they REALLY hurt, you must tell them to stop and it’s not right. I know it’s so hard when you feel like they know everything and you’re just the patient, but it’s your body. And if you get to the point that IVs or injections are very difficult for you (but you’re not having them often enough to need a permanent line), tell them you need them to get the ultrasound, and they should have a mobile ultrasound that they can bring to you. They have to do it for my scans now, unfortunately. (Maybe you know some of this, or all of this, but I wasn’t sure since you said you didn’t need any treatment after surgery last time).

OK, all of that out of the way… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry it hurt, I’m so sorry you had to lay in one of those awful tubes crying while it does that annoying knockknockknock noise. I’m so sorry you’ve lost half a stone and you feel like crying every time you look at your five year old. I will not say this is the hardest part of being sick, but this is a uniquely hard stage - when you don’t know JUST how bad it is. Yes, you will still be stressed once you know, but I hope it will be a different kind of stress. You’ll have more control. You’ll be able to make some choices and start to make plans, whatever those need to be. One of the hardest, most terrifying, painful things is being stuck in the waiting room of your own life, and I really hope it will not be much longer for you.

I hope the news will be the best it can possibly be, within the realm of possibility. Good luck, OP. You are never alone in the dark, even inside an MRI machine; only when it’s truly dark can we see the stars as they’re meant to be seen.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. The hardest part is that i really wasn't expecting the cancer to be back because i feel really well in myself and a few people have commented how well i look these days compared to how poorly i was the first time round.

It's oddly frustrating, isn't it?
Apart from when the pain overtakes the painkillers, I feel perfectly alright. I look absolutely normal.
The fact that the cancer is giving me just months seems completely absurd.
People keep saying, you look well, as tho a miracle cure has happened, and they haven't heard

I don't want to look like a walking corpse, but still, there should be, surely some outward visible sign of what's rampaging through on the inside

I’m sure this is so hard and confusing, for both you, OP, and @Tilllly .

I think so many people think of cancer as an outfit (in addition to the disease). It’s a bald head, and bags under the eyes so dark they look like black holes, pale skin that starts to seem fragile, stretched across bones the sicker you get.

But… it’s just not true. “Normal” looking people die of cancer. There are women who keep their hair all through chemotherapy. There are women who put on makeup every day because it’s a comfort, or because it’s armor. There are people who make cancer just look like the morning after a good night out. There just is no one way that cancer looks.

Im sure it’s hard @Tilllly . Sometimes it’s nice because you don’t want to tell the whole world about your private health, but sometimes you also wish people would just be a bit kinder, knowing your time isn’t measured in years anymore. Perhaps consider a sweater that says, “I have cancer - be more gentle with me,” for the days when that’s what you want, and then you can leave it home when you don’t. I’d salute you. (Maybe a second sweater that says, “I have cancer - stop being a dick,” for those kind of days, too).

And @Lostmymind11 , I know you don’t have the full picture yet, but I really, really hope that because it was discovered when you still feel well in yourself, that you’ll have more time and more options. Because the truth is, if there’s something in your liver, and they only discover it because you start looking jaundiced or rapidly losing weight (before the stress)… it’s not so good.

I will be thinking of you both and @Tilllly , please DM me if you ever need someone to commiserate.

@Lostmymind11 So very sorry this is happening to you and yes it's very confusing when you feel and look well. Hang in there and take advantage of the support on this thread, and the cancer threads should you want to join them, there are lots of people to empathise. And of course any support you can get in real life. Hugs to you.

@5YearsLeft Lmao at 'I have cancer - stop being a dick'! I'm sure I shoot that message out from my eyes daily even if not said aloud (or a less polite version). Except of course at the cancer hospital, where, as one of my docs pointed out, it won't work! 🤣