This 3rd kid of ours...

[Melancholy87]

Some days I wake up a bit tired and I look at our 2 kids aged 4 & 2 and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

Some afternoons I try to put my kids to nap, they protest, I go up and down the stairs numerous times and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

Some nights I wake up tired in the early hours as my daughter is crying and I go to her room to reassure her that everything is ok and nightmares are not real, and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

Some evenings I come back home tired after work, I pick up the kids from the nursery, they are overtired, they fight and I try to calm them down and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

...And there are some days, quite a few of them, that I am not too tired, I have slept well, the house is tidy, work is not too stressful, they play together and don't fight, and I say to myself that I want so badly to meet this 3rd kid of ours...

Not a yabu but thought to post to see if it resonates with anyone else...

We had the third.

My first 2 had been really good mates. Their relationship fractured when No3 arrived and is still appalling 20 years later. Maybe they would have fallen out anyway.

I adored my third. He was an absolute sweetheart where the other 2 had both been tricky in different ways. But having him completely changed the dynamic of the family.

Everyone I know with 3+ (ourselves included) doesn’t have money for those things and makes alot of sacrifices in order to do the work that an extra child involves. I don’t know anyone who has regrets as each child is always so special.

I had my 3rd when my other two were similar ages to yours. I knew after no 2 I wasn't done. I'm one of four my dh one of three so 2 seemed quite a small unit to us.

I now have 3 wonderful girls 17, 15 and 12. Of the 3 I enjoyed my 3rd the most as a baby I knew she'd be my last and I cherished every moment. I think my older 2 who are very different to each other get on better because of her she brings them together with her. I think I'd be quite lonely now without her she has really completed our family.

This with bells on! But it was easy for me to stop at one because I never had the slightest urge for any further DC. The urge to get pregnant the first time came like a bolt from the blue though, and was visceral. If the desire to have a second or third feels similar, then I can imagine it must be a tricky balancing act and a decision to be carefully considered.

Just to stick my oar in, the fact that you’ve referred to “this third kid of ours” makes it sound quite different to a “possible baby” or a “potential pregnancy”. Seems more real and certain. Just what struck me.

I’ve never wanted 3 BUT I do think it’s common for people (women largely) to instinctively know if they want kids and if so how many.

I knew I never wanted a ‘big’ family, but I did want a child. I love my DD beyond all measure and flirted very briefly with the idea of a second, but it just didn’t feel right.

So really I’m very fortunate to have the exact number of children I wanted and thought I would have ❤️

I have three. It was a surprise... the best surprise ever! DH was on the waiting list for a vasectomy and I was on the pill. He is incredible. Loving, caring, and so kind, but absolutely mental! He is 2 now. He's a force, but also, the most incredible bundle of joy!
Once we had him we realised the eldest had ASD and ADHD and the middle has ADHD, so it's a lot... but we wouldn't change it. Although it is so hard.

Oh, and he doesn't sleep... but neither did the other two until they started school

Me too dusty, wish I’d had a third.

Even though we discussed not having a third, who were we kidding, we were always going to have a third. I even imagined what he would look like and he looks just like I imagined.

So Different perspective. I was one of three and in my opinion it doesn’t work. I had two and stopped having a bad experience being one of three.

The other two were close and I was left out.
No dividing into teams equally or easily.
Tables at restaurants harder to get
Sharing a room with a sibling till we moved to a bigger house
Parents each spending time with other one kid and the third being left out
Holidays and overall logistics harder
Less parent time to watch activities/games etc as more two parents can’t watch three activities

Absolute no from me. There will always be two kids who are closer and I don’t think it’s fair to the third kid.

I sometimes think about it but honestly I could not start all over again. Mine are 4 and 2 and we are just getting ourselves back a little.

Our situation is slightly trickier.

We don’t come from the Uk, we came here 20ish years ago.

We have 4 elderly parents back with no other siblings to keep an eye on them.

We may be forced to go back should they need care.

They can’t come easily in the UK due to Brexit etc.

We have assets back home, our parents homes.

We all 4 have dual citizenship, passports.

The country we come from has different alphabet (think of Chinese) and the kids will struggle at any local school.

We can pay 2 international schools but not 3.

it’s parents vs 3rd kid.

so you’re thinking of the future potential cost of international school fees in your home country, rather than in England?

@Scarydinosaurs Yes exactly that…

And this future cost of fees isn’t a sure thing, and you might not ever need to move back to your home country?

I wanted a second and couldn’t, I ended up getting a puppy and that cured me of broodiness. Much cheaper, easier to fit into existing family unit, and the night wakings only lasted a few weeks 😆

My dc and dpup have a lovely relationship together, to, like real siblings.

Number 3 was a surprise baby who came 21 years after the other two and is only 2 years older than my oldest grandchild. He has been the most challenging and has ADHD but we all love him to bits He makes me laugh every day and he keeps me young .

@Scarydinosaurs Yes this is correct too! Although with 4 elderly parents back it is highly unlikely that none will need any kind of support (physical/emotional) …

Stick with two. You can give them both lots of time and attention. Yes, they're cute when little but you don't want to be dealing with three teenagers or trying to finance three kids through university.

Understand the desire for a third OP. Although mine are 3.5 and 1.5 and I’m expecting a third - and I do often wonder how we are going to manage with the chaos!

I wanted 6!!!!

I have 1 - who now 20 and no uterus!

Often I've wondered what having more would be like.

But I have a gene fault I've passed to him and he has a degenerative neurological condition. It affects muscles.

It's also just been us since he was 13 months old and he's had the chance to start and peruse his swimming and is doing really well - not sure if he's have had that with more then 1?

Doesn't stop me wondering about if I'd remarried and had more though what DH and my other kids would be like.

I think the trick is to remember it's ok to wonder - don't punish yourself for it and don't let anything allow you to think you can't wonder about the other life and also be perfectly content with the one you have/ had.

Totally relate to the feelings in your original post - I couldn't get this imaginary third child out of my head even though logically it didn't make much sense. But an accident happened and I now have my third asleep on my lap! It's early days but we all love him to bits and now I feel very much done. We had to get a car seat adjustment thing and I'm aware of costs as they grow up, but we feel very happy with our chaotic three!

Off the point of the thread I know
Does anyone else hate the words kid/kids used for child/children ?

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do OP but do take into account that your 3rd child might have disabilities. Are you prepared emotionally for that.

I think given those extra details about needing to move home and pay for private education due to language needs etc then sticking to two is better. You have to think about life when they’re 16, 14 and 12 as well as 6, 4 and 2.

No I don't hate it as for me it's just a normal word.

I do think it's strange phrasing though from the OP, to say she wants to 'meet this third kid of ours', like it's already been born?!

But for her it's probably just a normal phrase, as 'kid' is a normal word for me.