This 3rd kid of ours...

[Melancholy87]

Some days I wake up a bit tired and I look at our 2 kids aged 4 & 2 and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

Some afternoons I try to put my kids to nap, they protest, I go up and down the stairs numerous times and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

Some nights I wake up tired in the early hours as my daughter is crying and I go to her room to reassure her that everything is ok and nightmares are not real, and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

Some evenings I come back home tired after work, I pick up the kids from the nursery, they are overtired, they fight and I try to calm them down and I say to myself that we are good, we are ok, we don't need any extra chaos.

...And there are some days, quite a few of them, that I am not too tired, I have slept well, the house is tidy, work is not too stressful, they play together and don't fight, and I say to myself that I want so badly to meet this 3rd kid of ours...

Not a yabu but thought to post to see if it resonates with anyone else...

This 100%

What put me off going for a third was the possibility of multiples. One or two kids, walk in the park, three would be tough but doable space and finance wise.

But if that third had turned out to be a twin pregnancy... four kids just isn't something I was equipped for. That's a whole other level of chaos financially and logistically.

Do I feel I have the space in my heart for a third? 100% I do. Do I regret not going for it, not at all.

Our third was my cherry on top - I’m definitely done now!

I have two and I'm done with two, but my two are so amazingly different I can't help wonder what/who Number Three might be.

Not going there though!

there was definitely another place at our kitchen table after the DTs. He came along a bit earlier than anticipated and is more trouble than the other two put together but makes our family. It's a very personal decision. I can see why people stop at one or two and why people mourn not having all the kids they want. But three for us is perfect. if chaotic like everyone says!

I had a third, large age gap.
Lovely but in hindsight could have been a puppy.

Is this you showing your creative poetry OP? 😁

Why unexpected @Mumofthree2024 ? Did anything go wrong during labour or things were not identify at scans? I really hope you are doing well and your positive ending to your reply gave me hope :)

@Melancholy87 thankyou. Unidentified at scans-fortunately I had a smooth delivery.
we are doing as well as possible in the circumstances, she’s surpassing all expectations and utterly delightful. Just has a rougher road ahead of her ❤️

I have two and I'm done with two, but my two are so amazingly different I can't help wonder what/who Number Three might be

This feeling never goes even after number 3 😂

We had ds1 and ds2 who are very different both in looks and personality. We then had ds3...who is a clone of ds1 both in looks and personality. Scarily similar.

My mind went to...so what would ds4 be like? Would number 4 be another ds1/ds3 clone? Or would he look like ds2? Or it could be a girl! I wonder what a girl would look like...?

Dh had the snip before we made any silly decisions 😂

Embrace the chaos. Three is lots of fun.

I couldn't shake the feeling of having a third so that's what we did. She is wonderful and as soon as she was born she brought our wee family even closer together.

That being said... I look at my 4 and 7 year old playing independently, sitting watching TV, not running away when out etc and think how much easier my life would be right now if we stopped at 2. I'm getting tired after 7+ years of sleepless nights! But that won't last much longer (I bloody hope at least!!).

I'd always have regretted never having the third. And it's a really lovely feeling knowing I don't want any more and we are complete.

My third was a happy surprise. She’s amazing though, absolutely no regrets.

We had to get a new car and holidays other than won’t be happening for the foreseeable but she’s worth it

And that thing that people say about knowing you’re done. I didn’t have that after number 2. I was pretty sure I was done but I didn’t have that feeling of being complete.

Now I do.

I have 3, the third is wonderful but our lives have been completely due to his needs. He willl need long term care and I will likely be his carer for the rest of my life. Love him to bits but yeah you have to be prepared that sometimes life can be completely switched around by the decisions we make.

I had 3 5 and under 17-12 years ago and I currently have 3 5 and under again! If you do want to meet this 3rd kid my advice would be don’t do 3 aged 5 and under I forgot from many years ago how hard it actually is! So I’d recommend a decent gap! X

Yep all that resonates! Well resonated :) after wavering and waiting and denying we went for it! 3 rd is a dream. We had a bigger age gap, sometimes it feels hard because the older ones are different stage but they adore hee and she brings lightness and fun into the family.
We both felt family was complete and never had a no 4 conversation, didn't want any more babies the longing was definitely cured! Family completed and so grateful they are here happy healthy and full of chaos.

Three just made everything more difficult and kept my husband in a job he hated. He never complained or treated the child any differently but I know it’s not what he wanted, seeing it as his fault more than anything else. He was a lot more cautious after that and if he ever said NO, he meant it.

3 was a financial drain on us, our house was too small for 3, our car was too small for 3, 3 was not planned!
I don't think you can even claim child benefit now for 3, so financially if like me you save the child benefit to give to them when they want to get their own home, then child 3 won't have any money!!!

I do not feel 'done' however I have more children than I can reasonably cope with. I know rationally I cannot have another child. But the thought of not having anymore makes me feel sad. I don't have the sense of completeness people often refer to. I think keeping going until you feel done is a dangerous path, because what if you never do? Ultimately I have children who I know and love and who exist and I prioritise them over a future child I've never met. I can still mourn the potential of them.

Our third was the best decision we ever made.
It s so busy, there s additional financial costs, it affects our lifestyle, holidays car choice, meals social life budget

Plus she s probably the most highly sensitive emptional kid you could meet- great to have your highest needs kid last when you are most exhausted! But she has been the making of us as parents and completed the circle of our little family so best decision ever!

I had a 3rd because of the same feelings, I thought maybe we had too many kids and now I'm accidentally pregnant with no 4!

I feel exactly like this. I put it down to the fertility window closing and being out of the baby phase - I don't actually feel envious when I see pregnant women or new mums anymore like I did after #1. But I think I will always wonder who #3 might have been.

I've wanted a third since about two hours after my second was born. My second will be three in April.

We have a 4 bedroom house and a decent income, we could afford a third, but if we stuck at 2 it would be easier practically. We might be able to afford private secondary for 2, but not for 3.

I understand that our third could have disabilities or medical problems or anything. I know it could be twins and yes I would struggle with that. If I got pregnant now I'd have a child in Reception at the same time as eldest was Y6 and youngest was Y4, and I can quite imagine resenting doing all the infant school stuff again while eldest was starting secondary school, and getting the youngest through GCSEs while the older two were closer to leaving home.

I just can't explain how I feel about a third baby but I guess I still feel like our family isn't complete.

I'm 38 and I feel like if I don't get pregnant in 2025 then it won't happen. Husband and I have agreed to not try/not prevent this year because we're both so on the fence.

I did think I might be pregnant this week and I'm not, and I was oddly relieved. I just don't know what this year will bring!

Ι am still exactly the same @89redballoons … still on the fence! We are not even discussing about it anymore but we joke that one day we will have another.

The problem with us is that we live in a 3 bed , meaning we would have to move/extend.

We can’t afford private for 3, we can do just about for 2.

Car is less of an issue and also things like hotel rooms etc. I am easy with Airbnb and happy to not get a “family” discount/pay for an extra kid.

I am more worried about uni fees, having a GCSE/A level/early secondary school at once and giving them 3 house deposits.

And health/twin possibility…

And I am jealous of all families I see around with 3 kids thinking how rich they are/how they are managing to split themselves in 3 and finding time for themselves and partners. Especially the working parents! Oh and I just remembered nursery fees…

But I still want to meet this No. 3 🥺 but I don’t want my other two to have a “less” life…

Help…