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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I leave?

31 replies

Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 11:40

2 years ago my partner and DS relocated from a city to a village in the South, to be closer to my partners hobby and father. Its been a struggle to meet people and I have this constant feeling of not quite fitting in. My 5 year old son, usually social and outgoing, but quirky in his own way, also seems to be struggling to make friends. There is an air of differences being basically not welcome. Every day I ask myself why I agreed to this move and either I could turn back the clock. I do feel as I though we were basically bulldozed into this position.

I basically don't know what to do. Should I preserver or get out and move somewhere more open minded before this affects the 2 of us further? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 11:41

be closer to my partners hobby and father

is he the father of your ds?

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 11:42

@Firstnews24 yes

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 16/02/2024 11:44

I’d go. Life’s too short.

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 11:49

Thank you @DustyLee123 I guess I'm just concerned as my son has just started school. But then I'm guessing he'd be happier if I was too?

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 11:51

you don’t mention if you have ever discussed this with your partner??

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 11:57

@Firstnews24 yes he does not enjoy discussing the matter. Pre move we discussed my concerns and he said if I was really unhappy we could move asap/ come up with a plan b. It seems that promise has been forgotten and he would like me to try harder to settle. I understand his point but my instincts tell me the place and the people are the wrong fit. Thats no offence to either...just a case of round peg, square hole.

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 12:05

so it sounds like the issue is a bit more than just location

DustyLee123 · 16/02/2024 12:06

Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 11:49

Thank you @DustyLee123 I guess I'm just concerned as my son has just started school. But then I'm guessing he'd be happier if I was too?

Edited

He’s going to be in education for many years, don’t get trapped where you don’t want to be.

DustyLee123 · 16/02/2024 12:06

Would you be prepared to leave DH to move?

HelloMiss · 16/02/2024 12:08

You will be splitting up then?

Would your partner go for residency? He's in a strong position with ds being in school

HippyCritical · 16/02/2024 12:09

What's the alternative, sit around hoping for him to change his mind while becoming more unhappy yourself? FTS. Does everything always seem to go his way by any chance?

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 12:15

@HelloMiss hopefully not

OP posts:
blooblom · 16/02/2024 12:18

So you already discussed about being in happy before you moved and the possibility of coming back etc? Do you think you've not put much effort in to be happy because in the back of your mind you had that to fall back on? I don't mean that to sound harsh, it's something I myself did.
Do you work? Do you have any social life where you currently live? Any friends? What do you mean by 'differences being basically not welcome'? What kind of differences? You or your sons?

YoBeaches · 16/02/2024 12:31

Are you able to articulate what it is about where you are living that you don't like?

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 12:56

@YoBeaches the lack of diversity and culture I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting to miss it as much as I have. I was hoping that this lack would be compensated by friendly mums and locals. It's actually turned out to be the opposite. There's a general feeling of a lack of positive energy and I've twice been warned by locals that "gossip is rife". We had a tricky time with my sons nursery (the only one in the village) to the point where I felt no other option than to sensitively raise as a confidential issue with the chair. Gradually all the nursery workers have stopped speaking to me including some of the mums.

I could go on...

I bet you're sorry you asked @YoBeaches 😆

Some days I can put on a brave face. On others it gets me down.

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 16/02/2024 13:10

Is your son being bullied or having prejudice based abuse?

Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 13:11

do you work op?

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:32

@ButWhatAboutTheBees I don't know. But I would say no as his school are pretty hot on kindness and stamping out bullying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:34

@Firstnews24 looking right now. I totally understand why you would ask.

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 13:38

that will play a big part in your isolation and boredom

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:40

@Firstnews24 true. But do I want to raise my son in this environment

OP posts:
Mamoun · 16/02/2024 13:46

So you'd be happy to leave your husband for a move? It sounds like you're using the move as an excuse.
We've moved to a village and I am a city girl through and through but I would rather be with my dh and try and make it work in an environment that's not mine than be without him. My second child had difficulties adapting to school but we persevered and now she's happy.

Firstnews24 · 16/02/2024 13:49

Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:40

@Firstnews24 true. But do I want to raise my son in this environment

n ed more detail about the environment!

Original poster
Hubhubba26 · 16/02/2024 13:50

@Mamoun no I wouldnt. We'd have to discuss and work it through.

Glad your 2nd is now doing well x

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 16/02/2024 13:51

It can take time to settle, perhaps give it longer? May be easier when child starts school.

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