Can I ask, do people talk (badly) about people who have been single for very long time / always?

[YouWontKnowMyName]

Just wondering because I’ve had some odd thing happend / said to me.

Last summer our family + extended family had kind of big family event and I swear there where two groups of people who kept looking at me and then whispering to each other and then laugh and make quick looks at my way again during this time.

One later said: ”still going to bed alone” as we I was going to bed.

I have a neighbourgh, she is a very talktive person and often stops me and talks AT me and she has made a comment of how I’m always alone.
She doesn’t say it in a kind way (imo).

And latest was when, at lunch, as we were leaving, my co-worker said to me ”you do know what people say about you,right”?
I have absolutely no idea what se meant by that, but since she and other people had been talking about relationships etc, I assumed she meant something about me and my relationship (nonexistent) status.

I could be wrong or crazy.
But I think people are not very nice about me behind my back.

So I’ll ask you.
Do people talk unkindly about people who aren’t in relationship for long time or haven’t ever been in one?

I’ll keep the poll, so it can be quick.
YANBU - yeah, there are/can be negative comments
YABU - nah, it’s not that interesting

Did you ask what the meant by 'what people say'? It could have been anything.

Personally I couldn't care if someone had been single for a while, more likely to judge someone relationship hopping with a new soulmate every other week.

No, no one cares

Yes, there are people who will talk negatively about single people, but if there were no single people they’d find another group to gossip about. Basically you cannot please everyone with your life choices, so as long as you’re happy and it doesn’t hurt anyone else then do what you want.

For what it’s worth one of the most amazing women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing died in her late 90s having never even been on a date never mind having a partner and she was very happy and while some people thought she was ‘odd’, those people just weren’t very nice people, small/minded and judgemental of anyone not like them.

I’ve never passed judgement on anyone who’s long term single. Im sure it comes with its pro’s and con’s as does being in a long term relationship. I sometimes fantasise about sleeping in my bed alone, my house being tidy, no one peeing whilst I shower, but on the flip side there’s stuff I’d miss about being in a relationship too. No judgement either way, as long as you’re happy it shouldn’t matter what others say. I have no idea how anyone could even use someone’s relationship status as a reason to gossip/pass any sort of judgement.

I’ve been happily divorced for 10 years and am very clear that I’m staying single. If anyone says things about me, I haven’t heard them.

I can't vote. Sure there are gossips, and they'll pick at anything, but loads of people don't gossip. And this is seperate to whether or not being single is worthy of attracting criticism or bitchy behaviour from others, which it isn't.

I think it is a small minority of exceptionally ignorant and unpleasant people, but yes I have come across a few in my life. All of them were worth avoiding, and I recommend you do the same.

I have been single for almost 8 years and have not experienced this

I know you haven’t said how old you are, but I think maybe this is a generational/age thing as much as it is about relationship status. I’m in my 20’s and can honestly say I’m really not interested in anyone’s relationship status, but I also know that when I go to the pub with my mum & her friends, or at any large family occasion with grandparents/aunts/uncles etc, I quite often hear people making comments about those who are long term single so it maybe depends x

There will always be gossip. About those who are long-term single, those with frequent new partners and those who stay in a relationship that others might see as unsuitable etc. I don’t think you’re crazy, but everyone will be gossiped about regardless of their relationship status.

In my experience no one cares or makes comments, but the more concerned people are with judgment (real or imagined) and insist thay they are 100% happy and single or childless by choice (when no one is asking) the less happy and the less a choice it really is.

Others just go about their buisssness single or not childless or not. Sometimes after a couple of glasses of wine they may confide they wish it was the other way round.

Sorry if this has been happening to you and for this reason, it shouldn't.

No, if anything people are envious of my single status as I’m independent, have a lovely peaceful house with no drama and get to go on some amazing holidays.

And latest was when, at lunch, as we were leaving, my co-worker said to me ”you do know what people say about you,right”?

Er, that actually happened? Hmmm.

So when someone said, directly to you, "you do know what people say about you?" you not only had zero clue what she meant, but claim to have just walked off silently and made no response?

And the whole "still going to bed alone eh?" As you were very clearly walking off to bed, by yourself.

People don't do this. People don't care about your relationship status, mild exception is over involved mothers, but other than that noone cares.

Absolutely this. And nothing like the OP.

I've no idea what people say behind my back. Nor can I say I'm very interested.

I've been single for 7 years. In that time my ds, my career and my finances have all blossomed. I've comforted one friend through a vicious divorce and another through financial and physical abuse.

We (ds & I) have a happy relaxed home with few arguments.

So whether other people think I should be coupled up or not is utterly irrelevant and nothing more than brainless interfering gossip.

Why would you care what they think OP? They are probably just jealous. They are certainly ignorant.

One of my single contacts got asked by her aunt if she was a lesbian, like it was a shameful secret if she was.

I know people have said things about me but interestingly, comments included that I must have a "secret" boyfriend.

I stopped attending any gathering of acquaintances (esp my parents friends) because the comments pissed me off.

the comments stopped when I turned 40, was clearly happy with my choice and went to Vegas with friends to celebrate.

Last summer, I took great delight in telling them about the much younger man I was dating. After being single for 10+ years, I just found it funny to see the looks on their faces. God knows what they thought of that 😂

comments are even worse if you're childfree.

How do these people know about your life? They're not friends so don't discuss personal things with them.

@WillYouPutYourCoatOn "People don't do this"

they really do, why don't you believe it?

Probably but with a 40% divorce rate who cares. Do what makes you happy.

Some people think it’s impossible to be happy without a partner. Some people will gossip and find fault with your relationship status no matter what it is. Some people will try and make you paranoid regardless of anything about you at all.

In general, most people are not critical of or nasty about someone just because of their relationship status. But there are all sorts of people out there and some of them are just not that nice.

For what it’s worth one of the most amazing women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing died in her late 90s having never even been on a date never mind having a partner and she was very happy and while some people thought she was ‘odd’, those people just weren’t very nice people, small/minded and judgemental of anyone not like them.

I had a great-aunt like this who died around age 96 surrounded by her family and church community.

Long term single here until recently and yes some small minded people do make negative comments!

Not sure why some people are denying it ever happens?

Even look at the depictions of singles in entertainment or how in the media when someone married turns out to be a serial killer or something they emphasis the shock that a “married man” or “engaged woman” can do such a thing compared to how when it’s a long term single person the word loner is often used and they act like it’s almost expected 😬 and things like “cat lady” is still used as a pejorative term.

I used to have a toxic friendship circle in my 20s and they were the type to make snarky comments about people who are single (while they themselves dipped in and out of toxic relationships). I don’t surround myself with those kind of people nowadays , majority of the people close to me in my life wouldn’t make comments like that.

And the people not so close to me like most of my colleagues etc don’t really know my relationship status.

Because in real life, rude people say things like:

No boyfriend yet?
Have you tried dating apps?
Do you even want a boyfriend?
Don't you get lonely?
Are you going to settle down?
You'll be too late for children you know.
You should go on a date with my friend.

I definitely know some people can be unbelievably rude and nosey about people who seem to be single too long for their liking.

But OP in one post has come up with two bizarre suggestions of events. The first that, on walking to bed, she was accosted by someone who felt the need to declare the statement "still going to bed alone". And the second, that she was with a group of colleagues who said "you know what they say about you" and on very much not knowing, OP chose not to say "no?" but to apparently become mute and back away from the scene for absolutely no reason.

I didn’t tick either option. I don’t gossip about single people but I do feel sad for wonderful friends who want to be married and are single. To me it seems for not discernible reason as they are genuinely amazing, beautiful, accomplished, kind women. So I guess it’s neither ‘uninteresting’ to me because I do care and am really frustrated with the universe for them but nor do I talk about them.

I should add, I have happily single friends and friends who don’t mention their relationship status and I don’t make assumptions about it. But for those friends who are openly sad about it I do think about it.

No, but I adopted a child and now I foster so people think I'm some kind of self sacrificing angel