Lingerie

[DoraSpenlow]

I'll probably get flamed but here goes.

Following on from the thread about being brought sexy lingerie for Valentine's Day, am I the only one who thinks you need a good figure to really look 'sexy'. I'm flat chested with no backside and a pot belly. The only time DH bought me something along those lines (many, many years ago) I looked and felt ridiculous and we both ended up laughing. I don't think I have ever looked or felt sexy and don't think that a few scraps of strategically placed material is going to change things if what's underneath isn't all that.

Is it just me?

If it fits well any figure can look amazing in it but the number one thing needed is confidence.

No. Not just you. I agree.

I can't think of anything that would make me look less appealing than disappointing in 'sexy' lingerie!

Any garment, whether it's a dress or underwear, needs to fit well to look good, and some body types are more 'standard' and more likely to fit in standard shop sizes than others.

Which is why buying someone else underwear makes little sense in most cases.

I do wear nice, well fitted bras and knickers. But no one would ever accuse me of looking 'sexy'!

Different shapes look good in different styles! It's finding something that looks nice for your figure!

It's like seeing people walking round in cropped t-shirts with a pierced belly button that have a flabby belly. It's just not a good look!

Or skinny jeans on people who have really fat legs that just makes them look like their legs are bowed where the thighs touch in the middle.

@DoraSpenlow you describe an apple figure - go for a chemise style thing or even a playsuit style lingerie!

(I will stick with my M&S "religious" knickers)

If you make up your mind that you'll look hideous in something, chances are you will. If you're relaxed/happy/confident in what you wear, that will reflect in how you look.

Whilst this is true to a degree, I bought some nice stuff last year. I researched it to get the best style for me, I bought it, I was excited to receive it through the post, the quality was amazing, the design was amazing, the style was right for me as was the fit. I was looking forward to wearing it.

It arrived, I tried it on. I sent it back.

There was no getting away from the fact that I still just looked awful!

And I went into that feeling really positive and confident.

Agree you probably need to find the right underwear for your shape, I am completely flat chested so a lot of the lovely lingerie just looks so awful on me 🤣

It definitely depends how well it fits and how you feel you look.
When you tried it, did you just put it on? I think it can be like trying on a party dress. I definitely feel completely different just trying it on vs wearing it with styled hair, bit of make up, maybe a splash of perfume...

I don't ever feel 'sexy' as I try not to conceive of myself in ways to do with how others are perceiving me - I don't like objectifying myself like that. I sometimes feel sexual, and that doesn't usually have much to do with how I look or what I'm wearing, but more about who I'm with or what I'm feeling (and where I am in my menstrual cycle).

@RatatouillePie Or skinny jeans on people who have really fat legs that just makes them look like their legs are bowed where the thighs touch in the middle.
Well I haven't worn skinny jeans for several years but just wow at you suggesting no one with touching thighs should wear them

I'm not really sure about this. Sometimes I can see a dress or something I really fall in love with but when I put it on I just think, nah.

I don't agree with it either.

Yes, it's important to be confident but confidence doesn't make clothes fit better!

That's not the tone I got from that comment. She's saying you need to find what flatters your body type, and this was an example of unflattering clothes.

Skinny jeans look awful on me, and dark coloured jeans are the absolute worst. I look spindly and shapeless. Skinny jeans are often hit or miss.

What I really mean is the type of stuff which is supposed to turn your partner on. If you have a lacy bra and he takes it off and there is barely anything there it is not the same as him taking it off to find a handful to play with. The same with a non-existent bum.

To me it's like being given a beautifully wrapped and exciting looking present only to open it and find a pair of woollen mittens inside.

I know what you mean. I was responding to the idea that it's jut a case of finding something 'flattering' that fits you well and being 'confident' - like that's all it takes.

My body shape is different to yours but it's widely derided as being 'unattractive' and 'disgusting'.

In my experience, it doesn't matter how well fitting or flattering (for that read - disguises) it is, we all know what's underneath and it's just foolish to think that a bit of, as you say, strategically placed silk and lace is going to make any difference to that.

Oh dear, op.

On the one hand, I relate to this a lot. But it's quite negative way to think about your body. I don't think you should feed into it.

I have a small bum and find Brazilian knickers look nice. I'm also a b cup post breastfeeding and like balcony bras, a few satin ones. Nothing to try hard to look pushed up or big, but embracing them for what they are.

YANBU to think that different things suit different people, and that something marketed as being ‘sexy’ will not automatically flatter all body types.

YABU to say this “I the only one who thinks you need a good figure to really look 'sexy'.
What is a ‘good’ figure and what is ‘sexy’? Literally just down to personal opinion.

To me it's like being given a beautifully wrapped and exciting looking present only to open it and find a pair of woollen mittens inside.

I'm sorry you feel this way, but it's not a first date. It's your husband, who presumably has seen the mittens many times before, and thinks theyre beautiful and exciting and has loved them. They're his favourite mittens in the world.

I don't feel negative, but I just accept it is was it is and fancy material is not going to make any difference.

I get what you mean OP.

You feel the most commonly bought articles of lingerie showcase certain bits and bobs which you personally don't want showcased.

Do you like your legs and arms? How about a little sheer chemise? It could be clingy or swingy. Just a thong underneath?

I don't want to get drawn into a conversation about women's underwear as I don't feel comfortable but I not a few posts about being flat chested.my opinion is women can look great no matter what shape or size.

Don't get hung up on size just have confidence in yourself mean this in the nicest possible way.

Thank you for this a lovely sentiment.

It is all bye the bye anyway because after more than 50 years of marriage the mittens are well accepted for what they are😄. I was just interested in what others thought after the discussion on the other thread.

Anyway, thanks for everyone's contributions. Lunch break over and time the get back to the Thursday house clean.

PS I don't think the mittens were ever exciting😂😃 but he's always loved me for who I am not how I look, thankfully.