teachers don't dislike children

[incognitothismorning]

I just get so bored of hearing or reading this, and think it is so far from reality that I wanted to start a poll on it - this is a poll for teachers. ( of course I know this is MN, and a certain number of posters will come on and pretend to be teachers just to be contrary or to prove a point, - but hopefully if we ignore them we should still be able to discern the basic truth

Imagine planting a thousand sunflower seeds and fertilising and watering them diligently and then transferring them to pots. Some may to better than others, or need different care to others, but at no point are you going to suddenly choose a random individual in the middle of a seed tray and start hating on it.

When I see on posts "the teacher doesn't like my child" or 2 the teacher is picking on them" or whatever, I just think no, the chid is behaving in such a way they are getting automatic consequences they don't like. If they had a virtual teacher, AI, without any feelings at all, they would be getting the same consequences. It is a mirror of themselves.

I like children, and I teach children, and I discipline children. I don't dislike any. But I get parents who think I do. I get some children who get a total bee in their bonnet over my (completely imaginary) antipathy when nothing more is happening than they are getting told off for talking when they are consistently the noisiest and most disruptive person in the room etc. I ha.ve been accused of hating children and picking on them and have had to go and check on the seating plan to check I even have the right child in mind when I am told their name, it is so random

As a teacher, I most have taught over 8 000 students. Genuine dislike? I can think of 3, all in the very early years - after the first 18 months or so I guess I lost the capacity to feel dislike for a child. Irritation and boredom over poor behaviour, yes, but dislike, no - I don't have the head space or the energy! And those 3 did not know I disliked them, in fact one I still see around as an adult and am very fond of her and proud of her now.

I do remember one head of department mentioning she disliked 1 student once, and a friend teacher also mentioned one recently. The HOD was talking about a very distinctively cruel child who she had taken out of lessons consistently over many years, and the friend was talking about teaching children who were involved in a gang murder, ( they were awaiting trial at this point) and said how fond he was of all of them, except one. So in all the thousands and thousands of pupils my friends have had, the only two I have heard friends say they dislike were both showing extreme, consistent and rare sadistic behaviour.

Getting irritated and bored of poor behaviour is not the same as disliking the child doing it

I like all my children, and I care about them. Even the naughty ones. But I do discipline them, and they don't like it, and nor do the parents.

I have an email this morning from a parent complaining I pick on her child and dislike them. Not true, I am fond of their child, and spend a lot of time and planning caring specifically for them. This is quite common in the children teachers are accused of picking on! They are often the ones you are putting extra planning and attention into!

This child was sent out of my last lesson for a dangerous act that could have seriously harmed another child. I don't think it was deliberate, more careless, but he did it less than two seconds after I had told him not to, and it is the second time this year he has been sent out for dangerous behaviour.

YABU - l am a teacher and dislike students

YANBU - I am a teacher and do not dislike any students

Goady thread.

There's an absolute world of difference between YABU - l am a teacher and dislike students (what, all of them??) and YANBU - I am a teacher and do not dislike any students (surely impossible!)

I am hoping it will make some parents think twice before leaping to the assumption that a teacher dislikes or is picking on their child!

I don't know what spare energy or head space parents think teachers have for bothering to feel dislike - it really is so rare it is not going to be happening in more than 99% of the occasions parents claim that it is.

I am allowed to judge parents who choose to put their children in an institution to be raised! I think you will find most people do

My ex was a college teacher. When he started his PhD, he ended up teaching secondary supply and I can confirm he absolutely hated secondary school pupils. With passion.

If you only want teachers to comment why have you posted on AIBU?

O gosh, this seems to have touched a nerve! I am guessing a lot of posters have it firmly fixed in their mind that their child is being picked on by staff at school and can't see how unlikely this is.

I am not being goady, I am trying to make people understand that this really does not happen, and it is just in the imagination of the child/ parent in more than 99% of the cases.

But you just carry on, I've done what I can to help correct this misconception - if you would rather hold on tight to your very likely wrong belief, then just do so.

I'll go and do something ese with my time

I am sure Hitler's teacher thought something is not right there

So 100% of teachers like 100% of students rightio

How would you explain my primary school teacher that would openly slag off my tatty clothes in front of the class? (I was poor) from what I can understand, she hated poor.

She would also slag off the housing estate that I came from, to my face. She very much favoured other students over me and made it blatantly obvious.

I can safely say she hated me.

I'm not a teacher but I believe that there are teachers who don't like kids or are indifferent to them. And there is LOTS of favouritism

OP a good third of people voting are saying they don’t like some children. So clearly it’s not that rare.

I didn’t need the poll to tell me that though, I was a HLTA and a former ESL instructor and I know some kids do clash with teachers/school staff . To the extent that yes it can be said the teacher (or other staff) dislikes them - and sometimes for good reason.

Many of my close friends and former flatmates are/were teachers and I used to hear their stories.

Teachers are only human, of course there will be instances where they don’t like some children. And sometimes unfortunately they’ll have their own biases and prejudices too.

I have to say it’s a lot less common or at least less blatant than it was when I was at school in the 90s where teachers didn’t even try to hide their dislike of whatever children they didn’t like.

My friend told me about a TA who hated her child who could be very hyper and not the most compliant kid (no SEN though) The TA aggressively put her face in my friends kids face telling her to shush and her son slapped the TA.

Do I believe that the TA (and probably the class teacher to) didn’t like her child after that incident ? I sure do and tbf I probably wouldn’t be too fond of a child who slapped me either!

I know someone who’s a teacher and tells me the students she doesn’t like (I’m still disgusted). She tells me all the ways she picks on this student. Teachers are people so of course they’ll like some more than others. It’s the way she described picking on him that ruffled my feathers

Well I've worked in education and I've seen first hand how some teachers let their personal feelings override professionalism and they do pick on some children.

It's human nature unfortunately and training needs to keep happening to remind teachers and any care givers really that this isn't on.

As a pupil I have been at both ends of this - I have been the favoured child that can do no wrong and the picked on child that gets sarcy comments and gets punished unfairly. I hated both equally.

Don't be deluded OP. Teachers are people and children are people, likes and dislikes happen. A good professional will spot this and minimise impact.

I've taught over 20 years. Even I can see this is a goady post.

I appreciate you're upset by the email from the parent, but deal with it professionally and move on. No need to start a MN thread.

If every teacher started a thread every time a parent annoyed them...

My child doesn't like all their teachers so I would presume some teachers don't like my child

I don't like all my colleagues, or neighbours, some would not like me

They definitely have their favourites.

But then I’m a children’s nurse and we also have our favourites, even though we’re not supposed to.

I’m a teacher and I don’t dislike any of my students. Certainly there are some that I find frustrating and annoying. But I wouldn’t say I dislike them. I guess it depends on the person.

I read a book in my local mind centre

about men who attended boarding schools back in the 70s and 80s who had traumatic experinces of childhood abuse and sexual abuse whilst boarding 🤔 at their schools and still psychologically scarred about their experinces,

I was brought up in children's homes in 70s in England
there was something about this book that reminded me of the so called care system for children...

I could relate too...

I've never taught in the UK, only abroad. Didn't dislike any of the kids but some I found annoying at times.

I will say that, of the people I know, the ones who complain persistently that their kids are being picked on or that their teacher hates them are always, without exception, the kids with no manners, no discipline and no consideration for others. So I do think that yes, parents generally assume that it's unfair treatment rather than considering whether or not their kid is being a pain in the arse to deal with.