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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Mum and Santa talk

42 replies

Miloandfreddy · 15/02/2024 08:13

My little boy 8 was at a birthday party at the weekend with around 6 of his friends. Party was at his friends house and it was a drop off party. All went great, he came back with his party bag and a smile on his face. My husband picked him up, no issues reported at that stage. Yesterday at school pick up I was approached by the birthday boys mum (in front of quite a few others) and told how my son told everyone at the party there was no such thing as Santa as he had found my Amazon list on my phone and also had found presents hidden throughout the house!!!! This is the first I have ever heard of this and I was mortified. AIBU in thinking this could have been a private conversation and I shouldn't have been shamed in front of everyone else? Also what on earth do I do about my son?

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 15/02/2024 08:14

You talk to your son. Ask him if he said it and why, and then the impirtance of not ruining santa for all the other kids, its mean

FuzzyPuffling · 15/02/2024 08:15

Do nothing. He's telling the truth. And it's February.

CucumberBagel · 15/02/2024 08:17

FuzzyPuffling · 15/02/2024 08:15

Do nothing. He's telling the truth. And it's February.

This. I went through this scenario when my child was 6, right down to the public shaming. My child was correct.

CarpetSlipper · 15/02/2024 08:20

Do absolutely nothing. If other parents have a problem with this, that’s their issue. It’s fucking weird the lengths some people go to keep a lie going.

BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 08:20

Do nothing about your son, other than explain that some people like to imagine santa is real as it's a bit more fun than buying things from Amazon. I don't get why the other Mum was telling you this anyway. Surely at this type age most kids start getting to the truth. Does she want your son to come into class and say 'right everyone, there's sadly been a bit of miscommunication on my side, it turns out santa actually IS real, so please ignore my outlandish previous comments about Amazon purchases' Haha.

Createausername1970 · 15/02/2024 08:21

You have a conversation with him. You tell him you have been told what he said and it's OK that he knows there is no Santa, but in future, it's best he doesn't say so. Not because it's wrong, but because it might upset other children who still believe.

You can't punish him for telling the truth and at 8 he is a bit young to have thought through the consequences.

Most kids find out about Santa from other kids, or have their own suspicions confirmed by other kids.

Marblessolveeverything · 15/02/2024 08:22

What can you do. A lot of people are a little over invested in lying to children about Santa. I find it ridiculous they want others to reinforce lies.

Have a word and explain that it is advisable to keep quiet. But they are 8, I doubt if too many still believed.

I would be more concerned he had unsupervised access to your phone and internet. That's a risk.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 15/02/2024 08:24

I'd want to talk to him to make sure it was true - if there'd been a mix up I'd want to know so I didn't assume he knew Santa wasn't real when actually he still believed.

But other than that I wouldn't really do anything. While discussing it with him I might say that it's nice to let other children believe, but I certainly wouldn't be telling him off for saying anything at the weekend. He found something out that is very interesting to a bunch of 8 year olds (although at 8 surely they didn't all still believe anyway?), I'm only surprised he didn't mention it sooner.

And don't let him have unsupervised access to your phone.

Bringthejury1 · 15/02/2024 08:25

Do nothing, he hasn't lied. Funny how the mother is comfortable to seek you out to scold you in front of other mums but wouldn't dare mention it to your husband at the appropriate time of party pick up...

FloofCloud · 15/02/2024 08:27

My sons BF did the same to him by telling him when he was about that age - he still believes til 11 when we told him before senior school lol 😂

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2024 08:28

Do nothing?

At 8, if he does know Santa isn't real, he should also know you don't go telling everyone. You have that conversation with him.

This is another weird MN-ism. In my world, it's completely normal for 8 yo to believe in Santa. It's quite normal till 11 / 12 (which is our second last year in primary school, I know secondary school has an earlier starting age in the UK).

Moveoverdarlin · 15/02/2024 08:29

Do nothing. Don’t stress. I think I’d have said to the other Mum ‘oh god, did he? Sorry about that’. And move on. You can’t tell him off, maybe next Christmas say to him ‘you might not think he’s real, but lots of children do and you’re spoiling it so just button it.’

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2024 08:32

Moveoverdarlin · 15/02/2024 08:29

Do nothing. Don’t stress. I think I’d have said to the other Mum ‘oh god, did he? Sorry about that’. And move on. You can’t tell him off, maybe next Christmas say to him ‘you might not think he’s real, but lots of children do and you’re spoiling it so just button it.’

Edited

So not do nothing then? 😂 Have a word with her DS? Which I agree with.

Original poster
Miloandfreddy · 15/02/2024 08:36

Marblessolveeverything · 15/02/2024 08:22

What can you do. A lot of people are a little over invested in lying to children about Santa. I find it ridiculous they want others to reinforce lies.

Have a word and explain that it is advisable to keep quiet. But they are 8, I doubt if too many still believed.

I would be more concerned he had unsupervised access to your phone and internet. That's a risk.

He's never had my phone in his life and it's locked with a passcode! He does have a habit of looking over my shoulder and occasionally he'll have it to watch YouTube when he's sat right beside me, so it's not impossible that the little rascal could have been snooping without me realising!

OP posts:
Calamitousness · 15/02/2024 08:37

Well the jig is up. I think my eldest figured it out around then too. He announced it at Easter and laughed at me trying to keep the Santa dream alive by using the whole Santa is everyone of us and the joy is in giving etc., now you get to be Santa too for your siblings etc. nah. Didn’t buy it. He kept quiet though and the rest were end of primary school before they twigged.
Nothing you can do except chat to him and ask him not to tell other kids. Except he’s probs told quite a few already anyway. Hey ho.
To the mum I would have just said “oh no, I didn’t know he knew” and that’s the end of that, you can’t be responsible for something you don’t know.

BananaSplitsss · 15/02/2024 08:42

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2024 08:28

Do nothing?

At 8, if he does know Santa isn't real, he should also know you don't go telling everyone. You have that conversation with him.

This is another weird MN-ism. In my world, it's completely normal for 8 yo to believe in Santa. It's quite normal till 11 / 12 (which is our second last year in primary school, I know secondary school has an earlier starting age in the UK).

Thank you for this.

It’s only on MN to be telling children about Father Christmas from aged two onwards. It’s ridiculous. Let them be children and enjoy some of the magic that comes with it.

Original poster
Miloandfreddy · 15/02/2024 08:48

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2024 08:28

Do nothing?

At 8, if he does know Santa isn't real, he should also know you don't go telling everyone. You have that conversation with him.

This is another weird MN-ism. In my world, it's completely normal for 8 yo to believe in Santa. It's quite normal till 11 / 12 (which is our second last year in primary school, I know secondary school has an earlier starting age in the UK).

We're in NI where all children tend to believe until P7 which is 11. A child not believing at 8 or 9 is out of the norm here, I think that's why I got a rollicking 😢

OP posts:
CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 15/02/2024 08:54

It’s only on MN to be telling children about Father Christmas from aged two onwards. It’s ridiculous. Let them be children and enjoy some of the magic that comes with it.

No one has said anything to the contrary? He found out by himself, OP can't reverse that. I also doubt there was anything malicious in him telling his friends, just a bit careless perhaps but why would he think this was something he shouldn't tell his friends? Obviously no one who still believes in Santa has ever been told "you must keep up the pretence that Santa is real" because that wouldn't make sense.
So OP's options are to tell him off - this would be unreasonable. Or don't tell him off, but do suggest he doesn't tell anymore people, which is what most responses have said.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2024 08:56

@Miloandfreddy

Ah yes, so same here (Ireland also).

I don't agree she should give out to you either but know that 8 isn't the norm so can understand her disappointment.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/02/2024 08:58

Or don't tell him off, but do suggest he doesn't tell anymore people, which is what most responses have said

Well, a lot said 'do nothing' with no mention of the chat!

I don't agree with telling off either but definitely talking to him. Plus clearly OP didn't know her DS had found out so I think that's worth a chat.

OneMoreTime23 · 15/02/2024 09:02

BananaSplitsss · 15/02/2024 08:42

Thank you for this.

It’s only on MN to be telling children about Father Christmas from aged two onwards. It’s ridiculous. Let them be children and enjoy some of the magic that comes with it.

Show quote history

We didn’t push Santa on DD. The lengths other people went to - including complete strangers - to try and push it on her was unbelievable. Adults are weirdly invested in it. Millions of children have perfectly magical childhoods without having to believe in what is effectively a lie.

QueenBean22 · 15/02/2024 09:06

Your son was mean to do this. You need to have a chat about kindness.

they other parent should have approached you differently but I can understand their frustration.

it’s ok if you don’t want to do Santa, but don’t ruin it for those families who do

Santabraid · 15/02/2024 09:10

Been there, got the T shirt x 2. It it helps any - I was dragged into a meeting when my child was in nursery to be advised by teacher DC had informed classmates! Had the same experience as you in the playground with a mother with next child when they were about 5,6. And same again later. It's their problem not yours but I tried to be really tolerant. Does make you a social pariah for some very committed Santa households but try to laugh about it is my advice. NI too here!

Testina · 15/02/2024 09:13

He's never had my phone in his life and it's locked with a passcode! He does have a habit of looking over my shoulder and occasionally he'll have it to watch YouTube when he's sat right beside me, so it's not impossible that the little rascal could have been snooping without me realising!

🤪

BendingSpoons · 15/02/2024 09:18

QueenBean22 · 15/02/2024 09:06

Your son was mean to do this. You need to have a chat about kindness.

they other parent should have approached you differently but I can understand their frustration.

it’s ok if you don’t want to do Santa, but don’t ruin it for those families who do

He wasn't being mean. He had discovered something and shared it with the rest. That's pretty normal at 8, where they all like to 'show off' what they know to somw extent. OP didn't know he knew, so couldn't discuss it with him. Now she does, she can discuss it with him of course.