Are we the noisy neighbours?

[Stigo]

Trying to work out if my downstairs neighbour is out of line or whether we are indeed a nuisance.

For context, we live in a 70s concrete block, our floors are lino, so not carpeted but equally not hardwood and there’s a fair bit of padding.

Our downstairs neighbour has been up this evening shouting the odds about our 2yo running around (calling him an animal and saying he should go back to the jungle(?) / this isn’t a playground etc. - we’re white so I’m not reading too much into that). This is the second time she’s been up in two months, the first time was banging on our door at 10pm because our toddler was crying hysterically (he had a bug and had been sick all over himself, so understandably
upset - otherwise he essentially never cries during the night).

Our toddler goes to bed at 7.30 pm and stays there until about 6am, during which time the only noise would be two adults doing usual evening stuff (we don’t play loud music or television / rarely entertain etc. and we try to be conscientious). When he wakes at 6am, we are extremely careful to make sure there are no noisy toys, we limit running etc. At 8am, he goes to his CM (she lives in the flat above ours so I am well aware that children are noisy!). He is there till 3pm, then out with me in the afternoon until about 5.30pm. We come home, eat dinner etc. all usually low key (he does run when he moves from room to room but he’s not constantly running around iyswm). DP comes home at 6.15pm. This is the bone of contention - DS is very happy to see DP and they do horseplay and DS runs up and down the hall / runs around / shrieks a little etc. Bathtime is 7pm, bed at 7.30. So essentially the neighbour is complaining about the 45 minutes a day our 2yo plays with his dad.

When she came to the door this evening, I did try to explain that the noise would not continue past 7pm etc. etc. but she was too busy shouting over me about how she pays to live here(?), she works nights (nothing we can do about that), animals, playground as above etc.

I am quite sensitive to noise myself but accept that I live in a flat and there is a certain amount of daytime noise that can’t be avoided.

YABU - the neighbour has a point
YANBU - we are in the right here.

Totally nasty neighbours!

Tell them to fuck off!

You've a small child, they create noise!

It’s just normal daily living noise. They’re very lucky your toddler sleeps through the night other than if he’s unwell. 45 mins of boisterous play when his Dad’s return from work is an unreasonable thing to complain about. You do what you can to be good neighbours and you shouldn’t feel as if you need to do any more than you already do.

@puzzledout , @Charlieradioalphapapa , thank you, you’ve made me feel a little less* paranoid. I’m also 37 weeks pregnant so thinking it’s going to be a bit of a nasty shock for her in a couple of weeks…

*a lot less!

Or maybe more than a couple of weeks. But that's life!

I love the advert where the NDN knocks and the frazzled mum answer the door with "I know we're trying to get her to settle" totally flustered and the NDN hands her a meal saying, I thought you may need this.

We need more NDNs like that!

@puzzledout Me too! Here’s to more neighbours like that 😊!

Actually I remember me neighbour )a long time ago! Mine are all grown up now), she had older children, knocked once.

DS2 had cried alllllll day as he was unwell, she knocked and said give me DS1, get to bed with DS2 to try to get him to sleep, I'll keep DS1 for a few hours.

I'd deffo do that for a neighbour and certainly wouldn't be angry with a child playing. It's a great sound.

Probably saying go back to the jungle because he sounds like an elephant 😂

I think some people aren’t cut out for living in flats, and your neighbour is one of them.

I used to have a downstairs neighbour who would complain every time I went to bed after 10pm or got up before 7am because apparently she could hear the toilet flushing / me walking across the bedroom floor.

It is horrible feeling on edge waiting for them to complain, but it doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong.

You are not unreasonable OP. It sounds like you're very aware of noise and you are being very considerate. She needs to go live in the middle of a field if she doesn't want noise.
Do you own the flat and does she? Just to be aware of any possible complaints from her if you rent. Though you could complain about her harassment too!

The trouble with flats is that the person underneath hears every footfall.

Been there.

Maybe a rug?

I’d say that unfortunately for your neighbour that’s why people need to be very careful about the type of property they are moving into if they are precious about noise.

we live in a 70s concrete block, our floors are lino, so not carpeted but equally not hardwood and there’s a fair bit of padding

DP comes home at 6.15pm. This is the bone of contention - DS is very happy to see DP and they do horseplay and DS runs up and down the hall / runs around / shrieks a little etc

If you have lino on your floors and your child is running around that will be noisy. Can you not put rugs down to lesson the noise?

Your neighbour isn't being unreasonable at all. Having upstair neighbours who do horseplay and screaming for an hour every night is a nightmare.
Not having carpets when living in a flat is selfish, your neighbour will hear everything you do, put your carpets back and get proper noise reduction underlay and the complaints will stop.

I've suffered from noisy neighbours, including kid related, and this sounds fine, early and for short periods of time, it really wouldn't bother me at that time of day.

@puzzledout she sounds amazing ❤️!

@Ginandjuice57884 aha, I never thought of that 😂

@ZebraPensAreLife oh that sounds horrendous. Same here, I feel like I can’t enjoy playing with DS in case we’re being too noisy. It’s not a great feeling.

@Sunshineismyfavourite . We own, no idea about her situation. I’m not too worried about the complaint as I don’t think the housing association would take it seriously (given the duration and time of day). I just don’t want to think I’m making her life a misery iyswm?

@Kemblefordsnice . I see your point entirely. We live below our CM, so there’s six of them running around every day for parts of the day directly above us. And I admit that it can be annoying (even though I know one of them is my own!). I just accept it because it’s a predictable and finite amount of noise. DS runs around from room to room so we’d essentially have to carpet the flat. Maybe thick grippy socks could do the trick?

@tillytown , the flooring was there when we’ve moved in. We haven’t pulled carpets up and put a lino floor down. The old owner (a single man who rarely spent any time there) was very fastidious about getting the HA to approve all interiors decisions so I assume this was approved by them.

@SpringisbeginningtoCome . We do have (thick) rugs in the sitting room and DS room. It’s just the hallway, kitchen and bathroom that have bare floors. DP is dead set against hall rug as he thinks it’s just a slip hazard. Thinking a compromise could be non-negotiable slippers / grip socks inside. I wouldn’t have rugs in the kitchen and bathroom because it’s too messy.

@stigo from my point of view I’d try to cut down on the noise with rugs or something like you mention. It can’t be pleasant living below a toddler who runs around when your partner comes in - does your partner have an opinion on how he’d feel living below a toddler running around in the flat above him or and adult engaging in ‘horseplay’? If your partner is running around making noise too that must be some racket tbh especially as you say your toddler runs along the hall where there’s no carpet to at least absorb some of the noise.

YANBU. I'm in a somewhat similar situation to you OP, except I'm in an end terrace. The couple in the house next to us haven't had kids so I don't think they have much concept of how impossible it is to get a toddler to walk slowly/quietly.

We have laminate flooring and there are certain spots where it's a bit boomy when our DD aged 3 runs over it. So far they haven't spoken to us directly but they bang loudly on the wall whenever they can hear her. We are out most of the day usually, and there have been times when we've been at home and she's been sitting down painting/playing quietly for an hour, then she gets up and runs to another part of the room and they instantly start banging.

It used to really bother me (particularly as they started doing it when they knew we also had a newborn in the house last summer) but we've done everything we can to mitigate - we've put thick rugs down, and we've put a stair gate across the kitchen doorway because that's the room closest to their house where footsteps are most audible, it limits how much DD goes in there. I think they're a bit scared of confrontation as they've never attempted to speak to us about it, and I'm certainly not bringing it up, I'm just going to ignore as their banging is only really audible in the kitchen, we can barely hear it elsewhere.

Ultimately when you have a small child, short of strapping them to a chair there's nothing you can do. Our DD is starting to understand about walking quietly at age 3 but she still forgets after a few minutes of being reminded. Your neighbour cannot complain about you to anyone as the council don't listen to complaints about noise caused by a child moving around their home. If you wanted to placate her you can obviously put down rugs etc but don't start apologising to her, you and your family are simply living in your home and your child is allowed to move around it.

@SpringisbeginningtoCome I’ll definitely give the socks a go. I just assume a rug would be a constant slip hazard. We live in the flat directly below our own childminder so we are all too familiar with horseplay and loud running (x6 toddlers 😂), I just accept that it is annoyance that will happen intermittently between 8am and 6pm (I would certainly be less sanguine if it were happening at 10pm). I think that’s our issue partly, it’s such a small amount of time each day. I’ll speak to DP though, you’re right, he is most definitely old enough to know better.

@cinnamonbiscuit . That’s exactly our issue. I do encourage tiptoes / quiet walking / creeping etc (trying to make it a game) but short of confining him to a cot, he’s just not old enough to understand why it is an issue. I think we will try and mitigate as far as is doable / practical as you have done. Her bad attitude has put me off apologising anyway to be honest but equally I don’t want to be a bad neighbour, so we’ll do our best without resorting to measures that stop us living comfortably. Looking forward to when we can communicate with DS a little more successfully!

Listen, children make noise, I'm neurodivergent, as are my neighbours kids,i put my headphones on when they come home and at their bedtime when there's likely to be noise that will upset me. it's not a problem, the twatty shouty neighbours that were there before were way more a problem , because it was unpredictable and because she was a shouty cunt . It's less of a problem when it's predictable ime .

You need to put carpet down. I’ve been in this situation and the noise without carpet is unbearable

You sound very considerate but I do think if DH wants to continue playing and running with DC in hallway and other uncarpeted area then he is being unreasonable not to consider carpets or non slip rugs. Yes hard floors may look nicer but it's a no no and quite antisocial in flats imo.

Other than that, neighbour is BU as you just can't expect not to hear some family noise in flats.

Am slightly horrified at thought of someone running a childminding business from an upstairs flat though! I think she is extremely lucky she has you living below as otherwise I think she would have some very unhappy neighbours!

Sorry OP - I live next to a family of inconsiderate noisy twats and it’s too easy for people to say oh ignore her (your NDN) as they can’t see her POV. Excessive noise from NDNs is soul destroying, she’s probably at her whits end hence the outburst.

You say you have Lino flooring throughout- could you not get carpet with decent underlay?

This sounds unbearable for the neighbour. Upstairs flats should have thick underlay and carpet.