Are we the noisy neighbours?

[Stigo]

Trying to work out if my downstairs neighbour is out of line or whether we are indeed a nuisance.

For context, we live in a 70s concrete block, our floors are lino, so not carpeted but equally not hardwood and there’s a fair bit of padding.

Our downstairs neighbour has been up this evening shouting the odds about our 2yo running around (calling him an animal and saying he should go back to the jungle(?) / this isn’t a playground etc. - we’re white so I’m not reading too much into that). This is the second time she’s been up in two months, the first time was banging on our door at 10pm because our toddler was crying hysterically (he had a bug and had been sick all over himself, so understandably
upset - otherwise he essentially never cries during the night).

Our toddler goes to bed at 7.30 pm and stays there until about 6am, during which time the only noise would be two adults doing usual evening stuff (we don’t play loud music or television / rarely entertain etc. and we try to be conscientious). When he wakes at 6am, we are extremely careful to make sure there are no noisy toys, we limit running etc. At 8am, he goes to his CM (she lives in the flat above ours so I am well aware that children are noisy!). He is there till 3pm, then out with me in the afternoon until about 5.30pm. We come home, eat dinner etc. all usually low key (he does run when he moves from room to room but he’s not constantly running around iyswm). DP comes home at 6.15pm. This is the bone of contention - DS is very happy to see DP and they do horseplay and DS runs up and down the hall / runs around / shrieks a little etc. Bathtime is 7pm, bed at 7.30. So essentially the neighbour is complaining about the 45 minutes a day our 2yo plays with his dad.

When she came to the door this evening, I did try to explain that the noise would not continue past 7pm etc. etc. but she was too busy shouting over me about how she pays to live here(?), she works nights (nothing we can do about that), animals, playground as above etc.

I am quite sensitive to noise myself but accept that I live in a flat and there is a certain amount of daytime noise that can’t be avoided.

YABU - the neighbour has a point
YANBU - we are in the right here.

She sounds appallingly rude and her complaints are baseless. If she has a problem she can call the council. She is verbally abusing you and you child which could be a matter for the police. I am not saying definitely call them but you could threaten to if she doesn't leave you alone.
If you were playing loud music, running round etc at 10pm plus then maybe she'd have a point but you are not. What does she mean by she pays to live there? As opposed to what? Is she implying she thinks you don't pay rent? That you are a squatter? I'd say she's bat shit and no amount of appeasement will do any good. Do not answer your door to her. Send a note through hers saying you will take further action if she harasses you again. You could tell the HA/landlord/ building owner about her antics as well. Maybe see if the CM could back you up if need be.

Could you go into your neighbour's flat when DH and DS are running around and see what she actually hears? I don't have a problem with children noise but our neighbour had come into the house to help with something and heard his children running up and down the stairs from our side of the wall. He was horrified and had no idea it was that loud. Once you know what you're dealing with it might help to find a way forward? Some neighbours are professional complainers though.

Check your lease. It may require you to have carpets. Don't rely on the previous owner being right.

I think YABVU to not have carpet and good underlay throughout. Your poor neighbour must be at her wits end, assuming she doesn't fly off the handle about every little thing.

The previous owners of our house made some questionable decisions, it doesn't mean we had to keep those things.

You mention trying your DC with slipper socks OP. What's he wearing on his feet normally? And DH during the horseplay? Are they wearing shoes?

I'd assume barefoot?

It sounds like you do want to be a reasonable neighbour, so if you can afford it, I would give serious consideration to putting carpet down in your hallway if that's where you think your LO makes the most noise. If you prefer rugs, then you can get an underlay quite inexpensively, to stop them slipping. I'm not saying you are in the wrong, but in your shoes, ('scuse the pun), I would want to do what I could, to save disturbing the neighbour, and as someone else suggested, maybe going down and asking if she'd mind you listening, to see what the noise is that's actually bothering her, might help her see that you're prepared to do what you can to be reasonable. Alternatively, if you go down and then don't feel that the noise you hear from inside her flat is unreasonable, you'll know that she's just a moaning minnie, and if that's the case, I'd just ignore any future complaints.

She called your child an animal? And he should go back to the jungle? Fuck that shit. Let her complain to whomever, she sounds deranged. But please do not let the nasty cow treat you like that on your own doorstep ever again.

Shes rude but I have lived below a 9yr old that used to run and jump of a step everyday, it made me angry, sad and I ended up kicking off at the mum

A 2yr old is different that is very young, get a nice fluffy rug and carpet

I am a downstairs neighbour at her wits end currently, many a times I have felt like running up the stairs and letting all the frustration out on the parents! I would so appreciate if my upstairs would get some carpet or some rugs 😭

If she works nights, why is she moaning about night noises if she's not there and you are only there for two hours in the morning, she can then sleep all day

Id possibly think about carpet in the hall and front room.

So people who move into apartments have to accept noise and also don't have to do anything to minimise noise?

People need to put carpet down and keep the noise down, excusing the noise is not going to stop the complaints and there is a difference in normal living noise and above that

If you need to be noisy then apartment living is not for you either it works both ways

What part of “SHE’S A TODDLER” doesn’t your neighbor comprehend?
I lived next door to an elderly couple and above a young newlywed couple. The newlyweds always forgot their manners and blared their stereo. The elderly gent would then come knocking on my door and complain. So I’d go downstairs and remind the newlyweds that their stereo was bothering the elderlies and they’d immediately turn it down - until the next time.
The music never bothered me and the elderly couple complaining never bothered me.
But it’s always something to somebody.
Lol can’t we just all get along?

I think you do need to carpet the hallway, rugs do not have to be slippy, and rug or carpet is far more practical than trying to get socks/slippers on a toddler and keep them on (what did you have in mind, Sticks Like or a nail gun?)...

The noise in her flat may well be very loud, it doesn't excuse her being an unpleasant bell end about it, but I do think its a practical thing to do as opposed to stopping a toddler running or trying to pad toddlers feet.

It's not being 'precious about noise' to not enjoy the sounds of a toddler running around. Children are noisy, and it's annoying. Especially when they are above you. Been there, done that, ended up moving into a detached house.

I get that children make noise, but 45mins of 'horseplay' in the flat above, that would annoy most people.

Maybe people with young families should also consider the type of place they move into. Why should others be affected by your child?

DP comes home at 6.15pm. This is the bone of contention - DS is very happy to see DP and they do horseplay and DS runs up and down the hall / runs around / shrieks a little etc. Bathtime is 7pm, bed at 7.30. So essentially the neighbour is complaining about the 45 minutes a day our 2yo plays with his dad.

So, on top of normal household, toddler, two adults walking about, above-floor noises.... Five nights a week, 45 minutes of running, shrieking, and "horseplay", which presumably involves your husband dashing around as well.

You're acting as if this is reasonable. No wonder she lost it.

I think you really just need to get carpet and good thick underlay as lino really has no soundproofing no matter how thick and with another child on the way it'll only cause more issues to your neighbour and subsequently to yourselves. Expensive but if your planning to be there long term its worth it.

Perhaps offer to come in her flat and listen at a time when horseplay is going on, you may then understand how badly its probably effecting her.

If you do happen to go the rug route, the Ikea rug underlay mat things are really grippy, no slippage.

Get your kid some slippers.
Rugs where ever you can. Could you carpet? Or is it rental?.

I think you're doing all you can and your neighbour just has to accept it as part of flat life.

I’m in a terrace and next door has wooden floors throughout, and the noise is awful. It’s not just the kids running around all the time, it’s the acoustics - the place resonates as there is no carpet to muffle the sound, particularly as they’ve made it all open plan. I’ve had children and don’t expect them to be silent by any means, but what might seem to be ‘horseplay’ to you could just be the last straw.

It doesn’t matter that the noise is early in the evening. Your neighbour doesn’t have to live by your timetable - that might be the time she likes to meditate, or watch tv, or anything at all in her own home.

I do a lot of Zoom/Teams meetings abroad, so sometimes have an odd timetable because of different time zones, and I could cry when I’ve just got set up and the noise starts. It might ‘just be an hour’, but if that’s the hour I need to have relative quiet it’s beyond frustrating.

I agree that you should get carpet and try to let your toddler run around outside more. When the next one comes along it will be even worse for your neighbour.

IMO it should be illegal for upper floor flats to have Lino or hard floors in the living areas. The sound carries so badly and once it disturbs you, you notice it constantly and you're always on edge.

In my experience it means that even though most of the noise may be within the realms of normal, you can't tune it out because you're constantly waiting for the next bang or thud.

I think there’s probably a compromise to be found, and hopefully as the weather starts improving your DP can take DS out to the park or for a walk when he gets home rather than the 45 mins of running around the house as that sounds like the main bone of contention! I can see her point as after a long of work I would find that irritating too, but it’s part of living in a flat. You should try to help though, and she should try to be more tolerant!

i was definitely thinking YANBU until i read that your DH won’t consider a hallway rug! you sound reasonable and considerate and your neighbour sounds unreasonably intolerant of everyday noise BUT if you acknowledge that the hall is the location for “horseplay” every evening then i think you have a responsibility to do a bit more to try and soundproof that area.

I'm the noisy neighbour. The single guy who lives downstairs hates us and used to harass us, trying to wake ds1 at night time by banging on his ceiling/ds bedroom floor. Despite full time nursery, carpets and underlay and rugs, and ds being in bed 7-7.

Does your neighbour own? Ours offered to contribute to the costs of ripping apart our entire flat to have it soundproofed. But given he'd already done that to his own flat (took 2 years during the pandemic - I work full time from home...) and I can still hear him yawn in the living room (!!) I don't rate his sound proofing people.

If you decide to carpet, save for the thickest underlay you can get. It'll be worth it not to be living on tenterhooks.