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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right?

32 replies

SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 19:49

If a person has a disability - bad knee- is it the person with the knee responsible for asking for help/concideration or is it everybody else who need to remember and concider this?
On holiday and everything blew up, om Way to restaurant, as the person with bad knee Said i need to sit here for a few minuts and another person Said ok and Walked on. Because bad hips did not say hey wait for me.
The other person would absolutely have waited, if asked. Bad knee was furious and shouted when arriwing to restaurant.

OP posts:
MissPeachyKeen · 14/02/2024 19:50

I think maybe their friend Bad Feet should have mediated

Vitriolinsanity · 14/02/2024 19:50

Surely if you all know your issues the only thing both of you need to do is communicate verbally as opposed to telepathically.

Original poster
SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 19:51

I dont understand ?

OP posts:
Original poster
SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 19:52

English is not my language

OP posts:
HelloMiss · 14/02/2024 19:53

Is a 'bad knee' a disability?

KnowledgeableMomma · 14/02/2024 19:56

Person with disability should advocate for what they need (like the need to sit down and have a rest). However, if you are familiar with the person with the disability....if they are your family member or friend...then you should be able to anticipate their need. In this example you've given, if it's my friend who has the bad knee, I already KNOW they will need rest stops and to walk slower; of course I would wait for them.

KreedKafer · 14/02/2024 19:57

I think if someone says “I need to stop and sit for a minute” when you are both on your way to a restaurant together, then most people would automatically sit down with them.

However, when it became clear to you Bad Knee that her companion didn’t sit down with her, Bad Knee could very easily have said “Can you wait with me please so we can arrive together?” rather than sitting there angrily on her own and then making a big embarrassing shouting scene at the restaurant.

Original poster
SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 19:57

It is for him. He shouted at me - i was the one not waiting - my niece and my children because we all abanded him. He made a total scene in the restaurant making me cry my niece - 20 - cry and everything Is so bad now . I would have waited, ofcourse i would - if he had asked me! But he is furious because i knew he had a bad knee. And i do know. I also have a disability. But i ask if i need help.

OP posts:
Towerofsong · 14/02/2024 19:58

If Person A needs to sit and rest because of an injury or a disability, the usual thing is that their friend, Person B, waits with them. Unless Person A specifically says 'no, you go ahead and get our table, I'll catch you up'

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/02/2024 19:58

KreedKafer · Today 19:57
**
I think if someone says “I need to stop and sit for a minute” when you are both on your way to a restaurant together, then most people would automatically sit down with them”

Agree, unless you may lose your reservation.

Original poster
SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 20:00

We are 10 Ppl here. Everybody was Ahead of us.

OP posts:
Franklin2000 · 14/02/2024 20:00

Is him your husband? If my husband needed to sit and we were out walking, I’d automatically wait, I wouldn’t just walk off and leave him! I have asthma and sometimes have to stop to catch my breath, he wouldn’t march off and say “see you there”!! Sorry op, I think you’re in the wrong here.

MissPeachyKeen · 14/02/2024 20:01

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/02/2024 19:58

KreedKafer · Today 19:57
**
I think if someone says “I need to stop and sit for a minute” when you are both on your way to a restaurant together, then most people would automatically sit down with them”

Agree, unless you may lose your reservation.

Also agree.

Equally, he shouldn't have shouted at them and certainly not in public and certainly not to the extent at which he made his niece cry.

His behaviour is much worse.

Original poster
SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 20:01

He is my sisters partner.

OP posts:
Towerofsong · 14/02/2024 20:03

To add, I don't think this is about whose responsibility it is to ask for support /offer support when there is a disability

It's about it being a social norm to wait with someone who is unable to move for a while. Having said that, him shouting and making a scene is really out of order.

Original poster
SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 20:04

So he made my sisters daughter cry. My daughter - as they were "guilty" too- his words. My sister also Think i Should have automatically have waited.
I am also always in pain. But i ask if i need help. I dont expect people to baby me if i dont ask. We are in a resort, i did not desert Jim in the middle of nowhere

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 14/02/2024 20:09

I would have expected at least some of the group to wait with him. I would have expected his wife or one of his children to say something like “I’ll wait here with Mr X, you lot go ahead”. I would not expect him to have to specifically ask someone to wait with him.

Original poster
SoFedUp71 · 14/02/2024 20:12

Everybody was in front of us. I was the last one with him. If he wanted me to wait i Think he shouldnhave Said so

OP posts:
LIZS · 14/02/2024 20:14

So you could have waited and sent others on ahead? That would be the supportive thing to do.

HeddaGarbled · 14/02/2024 20:15

No, sorry, it’s just human kindness to offer to stay with someone who is struggling. They shouldn’t have to ask. You offer, they choose yes or no.

K0OLA1D · 14/02/2024 20:15

I'm disabled. I'd expect someone to wait with me. I wouldn't ask. But I'd also not make a scene or show I was bothered if I was left either (depending on the situation)

LauderSyme · 14/02/2024 20:18

It's pretty rude and unkind to leave one person who has mobility issues behind.

It is also rude and unkind to shout abusively at one's family in public.

LIZS · 14/02/2024 20:24

I get a sense he may have form and/or you a dislike of him. Causing a scene is unnecessary.

QueenBean22 · 14/02/2024 20:27

I think the majority of the party should have gone ahead to get the table and one or two people wait with him

SD1978 · 14/02/2024 20:53

If I've said I need a seat because a body part is hurting- the other person barreling off would upset me. I've clearly stopped because I can't continue at that time. I wouldn't assume I'd have to ask my companion not to leave me.