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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed about my childish eating behaviour?

116 replies

Butterflysize · 14/02/2024 14:05

I’ve started to really notice lately that my behaviour around food looks quite childish, greedy, both.

Some examples:

  • out with DCs and other mums, if we go to a cafe they usually have a coffee and maybe something like a toasted teacake if any food, regardless of what the children are eating. I will have more similar to the kids, maybe a burger, milkshake etc
  • Out with other family members recently at a nice restaurant for dinner, I had cleared my plate when they were at best halfway through then was sitting there twiddling my thumbs and picking at bread for ages
  • same occasion, I asked for more bread twice
  • I bought a box of crème eggs yesterday for the kids and have now eaten three of them

I am starting to feel people noting it and judging. I think I’ve always been like this and my parents are quite embarrassing to eat out with and show zero self control. I’m starting to feel ashamed and that I don’t fit in with other mums.

AIBU to think that my behaviour is not normal and need to do something about this? If so, any advice?

To note I am a healthy weight.

OP posts:
Notwhatyouwanttohear · 14/02/2024 17:05

Shoving the food down so quick and then having to wait for everyone else to finish and having to ask for more bread twice just screams of gluttony.

TheBeesKnee · 14/02/2024 17:08

Actually I would think it's odd if we agreed to go for a coffee and you ordered lunch or dinner - because then why didn't we just agree to meet for lunch or dinner?

Milkshake I wouldn't blink at, although I am a caffeine addict so would always choose coffee anyway.

How are you managing to get through food so quickly when out at dinner, do you chew very quickly or just not contribute to chatting?

Moveoverdarlin · 14/02/2024 17:11

I was a fussy eater as a child and teenager and even whilst at uni. It was only when I started eating out at nice restaurants with work and dating that I became more refined. I was conscious of looking like a chavvy teenager so I just had a more varied diet since then.

MILTOBE · 14/02/2024 17:14

WhatWouldHopperDo · 14/02/2024 14:18

Your only unreasonableness is eating ANY quantity of cream eggs. They are awful, revolting hideous things 🤢

Have you heard that Dominos cookies are going to have a whole creme egg in them?

Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 17:16

I think you sound refreshingly unaffected and I’d like to eat out with you. There’s nothing worse than people who make others feel they need to exercise restraint. It casts a pall over the entire meal.

I would, however, advise trying to eat more slowly, making sure you chew properly. Otherwise you will become flatulent.

Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 17:22

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 14/02/2024 17:05

Shoving the food down so quick and then having to wait for everyone else to finish and having to ask for more bread twice just screams of gluttony.

A slight aside but has anyone else noticed how often the content of posts matches the username?

Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 17:23

MILTOBE · 14/02/2024 17:14

Have you heard that Dominos cookies are going to have a whole creme egg in them?

Show quote history

Just what the world needs. Esp after pizza 🍕

SadCelticBunny · 14/02/2024 17:26

I wouldn't judge you but you might judge me as I eat a gluten-free, decaffeinated, vegetarian diet and this really restricts when we can go for food.

Being vegetarian is a choice, the other restrictions are because of my sensitive stomach.

I would try to eat more slowly if I was you; my wife eats very quickly (her mother would steal food if her plate if she glanced away) and it can be a little uncomfortable if I am still only halfway through my meal. (I am an only child so no pressure there!)
She's much more aware now and is an excellent conversationalist so it rarely happens if we are eating out with friends and family.

BobbyBiscuits · 14/02/2024 17:28

Nobody should be judging you, unless you are literally walking up to strangers and stealing food from their plates! You clearly have a fast metabolism/ use plenty of energy. Maybe some people might be a bit jealous as they wish they could eat burgers and milkshakes instead of just a coffee? (Which of course they can so it's daft). Ignore what others do and eat what you like. Especially as you are a healthy weight.
I eat really slowly and some of my friends will have cleaned their plates before I'm even a quarter way through. So I feel more bad for them waiting for me to finish, but they never mind.

Orangeecats · 14/02/2024 17:29

I would have eaten the whole box of crème eggs by now

Elvis1956 · 14/02/2024 17:32

I'm a fast eater, if I think people are being judgy or feeling uncomfortable as I'm sat there waiting for them I explain I'm an only child and always ate fast to get back out to play.
're your choice of food, I'm 55 and often have a milk shake and when I'm not dieting pick exactly what I like and stuff everyone else

IamaRevenant · 14/02/2024 17:35

You're overthinking. Definitely. I very much doubt anyone takes much notice or cares. I get the feeling of self-consciousness but I can guarantee that nobody is giving as much attention to what you eat as you think they are.

I think the only times I have been a bit disapproving of other people's eating habits in a group situation is where we stop for a quick coffee/drink and a bite to eat and everyone else orders something quick like a sandwich or pastry and a glass of wine or whatever and there's this one woman who without fail orders a full, freshly prepared meal and a cocktail so we all have to sit there waiting long after finishing ours while we wait for hers to be prepped and then for her to slowly eat her way through it. I mean I get she may be hungrier than the rest of us but surely she could just go for a sandwich AND a slice of cake or something?? Or at least a full meal that's quick rather than eg fresh seafood paella!

But it sounds like you're the opposite OP so I'd have no problem going for food with you 😅

paleontologist · 14/02/2024 17:37

Excited101 · 14/02/2024 14:06

None of that sounds very weird to me op, I think you’re overthinking tbh.

The finishing her meal whilst the rest are midway theirs. As an adult, one would expect the OP to be observant of what the people around her are doing and at least try to eat at a similar pace.

I have a relative who eats at a very quick pace that, yes, it becomes embarrassing.

BargainBasementland · 14/02/2024 17:45

No issue with snaffling cream eggs. But a couple of things that jump out to me if I am being completely honest.

  • anywhere that is serving coffee and tea cakes are not selling good burgers! I would probably judge that you would even want to assign stomach space to something a few steps above rustlers. I always get a bit 😖 when I see adults tucking into hot food at soft play and similar locations. I love a dirty burger and chips and milkshake by the way- I’m not a mumsnet teeny tiny. (I’m sure someone is going to @ me and say their soft play does AMAZING food, but not in my personal experience)
  • Eating so quickly that you are asking for bread top ups when the meal is being served is slightly dodgy table manners in a group setting and I would make more of an effort to slow down, put fork down, sip wine, chat, continue…
Suchagroovyguy · 14/02/2024 18:23

Your diet is rubbish, but I wouldn’t say it’s childish. Just unwise.

EdinGirl · 14/02/2024 18:28

You are overthinking and I would love to have you in my group because it would make me feel less self-conscious about my burger and fries!

I would bet that more than one of those mums is admiring you and wishing she could step out of the teacake routine too haha

Be breezy and confident.
It's a gorgeous attitude to have around food!

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/02/2024 18:34

TheBeesKnee · 14/02/2024 17:08

Actually I would think it's odd if we agreed to go for a coffee and you ordered lunch or dinner - because then why didn't we just agree to meet for lunch or dinner?

Milkshake I wouldn't blink at, although I am a caffeine addict so would always choose coffee anyway.

How are you managing to get through food so quickly when out at dinner, do you chew very quickly or just not contribute to chatting?

@Butterflysize

this op @Butterflysize

how can you talk to your pals if you are eating so quickly ! Why not just slow down?!

5128gap · 14/02/2024 18:36

If you are slim, then people will be thinking (and saying) I don't know how she manages it. If you are OW, people will be judging the hell out of you. Its not what you eat or how fast you eat it that triggers judgement. It's your weight. Always your weight.

IggOrEgg · 14/02/2024 18:36

You’re overthinking it. We’re all different, that’s the beauty of life.

mitogoshi · 14/02/2024 18:37

I have mini cheddars in my desk drawer and buy those Nutella with bread stick pots as a treat, my kids are all adults!

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/02/2024 18:37

Elvis1956 · 14/02/2024 17:32

I'm a fast eater, if I think people are being judgy or feeling uncomfortable as I'm sat there waiting for them I explain I'm an only child and always ate fast to get back out to play.
're your choice of food, I'm 55 and often have a milk shake and when I'm not dieting pick exactly what I like and stuff everyone else

@Elvis1956

but you’re not a child now, so just slow down!

Excited101 · 14/02/2024 18:46

@paleontologist why is it that bad? Does it really make a difference if you finish before the others?! Jesus!

stayathomer · 14/02/2024 18:47

But what’s the alternative op? You sit there with a drink you hate trying to figure out how to get rid of it? Or you don’t go out? Even if people do notice, they’ll notice it for a few seconds, they won’t go home and think about it, it’s better you enjoy being out than stop going because you don’t want to seem different x

CurlewKate · 14/02/2024 18:51

If you're eating faster than everyone else then maybe slow down-or just quietly finish and carry on with the conversation. Possibly think about table manners? But everything else seems perfectly normal to me!!

easylikeasundaymorn · 14/02/2024 19:23

I don't think any of the examples are hugely odd - unhealthy yes, 3xcreme eggs are more than the recommended daily sugar intake on their own, but presumably that's not a daily snack. Agree with others that it's just a bit odd/not great manners rather than anything else - to order a full meal when everyone else is just having a coffee and to scarf your food down so quickly in a nice restaurant. I mean there's nothing wrong with any of it, and I can't really imagine caring if a friend of mine did any of these things...the bit I don't understand is what advice you're expecting? I mean surely if you feel uncomfortable/judged for doing any of these things the only possible advice is just...stop doing them?

i.e. eat before you go to softplay so you're not hungry and then just order a drink like everyone else.
slow down your eating at a restaurant and once you've finished your meal don't eat anything else. If you've already had a whole meal you don't NEED multiple portions of bread
if you can't control yourself from eating 3 creme eggs in a row (I have no will power) then don't buy any!

None of it is rocket science. If you're happy, carry on as you are, if you're not, change the things you're not happy with.