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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So what do we do? We’re all in the doghouse!

708 replies

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 13/02/2024 16:54

Names have been changed to protect the innocent and deranged alike.
currently sat in my living room with two drunk men and a damp spaniel who are refusing to leave or answer their phones and it’s all my fault…
The background is that DP and I have been together some years now and he comes from a pretty well to do British home with two eccentric parents and one thoroughly batshit sister. We’ll call the sister ‘Tilly’ and she is the catalyst of all chaos and is the main character in all family dramas.
DP and I both work in the arts and are very well versed in the ways of the drama queen and the ego fiend and are very good at handling hard work people so we muddle along with Tilly and do our best to include her. FIL is ex military and bloody hilarious at times, a bit old fashioned but overall pleasant.
MIL is an extremely overprotective and epitomises the bored middle class housewife and frankly it’s a shame they stopped giving out Valium on the NHS a couple decades ago because she’d benefit somewhat.
Tilly has never had a job or been to university or even attended a drs appointment on her own, partly due to a weird codependent relationship with MIL, partly due the fact that she has the IQ of a Jaffa Cake. She is very skilled at spending FIL’s money and manipulating people so that she enjoys the lifestyle of low ranking royal , she gets chauffeured about and likes shopping and occasionally will offer up a bit of volunteer work so she can post about it on social media with her latest fashion purchases carefully shoehorned into the frame.
MIL had an event today at the house, I won’t name the organisation but it’s very ‘jam and Jerusalem’ and she is highly respected in this organisation so wanted Tilly, FIL and the dog out of the house so she could go full ‘hostess with the mostest’ and be sure there’d be no tantrums or humping or farting or whatever Tilly and FIL and the dog might have done to cramp her style…
so the day was engineered that FIL and DP would take the dog to the groomers, leave him there, wander around the shops and get some new shirts for FIL and I would take Tilly with me to a work thing (that I really didn’t want to) but I’m happy to do my bit. Tilly has behaved like an absolute cockwomble all day, she has complained about everything, offended my colleagues and friends and embarrassed me profusely because for once she was not the centre of the universe and none of these people were responding to her Disney Princess energy. I have spoken to her several times about her tone and what she’s saying and literally begged her to behave. In the end I’d had enough and left her outside a pub.
I walked home and poured myself a large glass of wine and waited for the shit to hit the fan.
I text DP and told him and he said he was on his way home. I was pleased. A few minutes later , two very drunk and very wet gentlemen and a bemused spaniel appear in my kitchen. I’m just drying the dog when FIL’s phone rings, it’s MIL he puts her on speakerphone…
she is nothing short of apoplectic, SIL apparently had to ride the train the full 5 stops home alone ( the horror!) has soaking wet hair ( thoughts and prayers) and burst into MILs meeting sobbing and hyperventilating and then for the crescendo, threw herself onto the floor and pretended to be sick. MIL has had to put her to bed and I quote ‘forgot to serve the canapés’ because of the drama.
pissed FIL and DP ( yes they went to the pub rather than shopping) have simply howled with laughter into the phone and hung up. my name is now of course mud with MIL and SIL and I have the rest of the family holding up at mine because FIL ignored missed calls from TIlly which is why she had to travel home in the rain and is now on her deathbed.

OP posts:
BewitchedorBewildered · 14/02/2024 19:59

@AllTheChaos I had to study that case in law school many moons ago. Etched in my mind so couldn't resist the nod to it.

Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 20:00

BewitchedorBewildered · 14/02/2024 19:59

@AllTheChaos I had to study that case in law school many moons ago. Etched in my mind so couldn't resist the nod to it.

I have always loved that case. The “crispness” of legal thinking brought to bear on the crispness or otherwise of a Jaffa cake.

itsgettingweird · 14/02/2024 20:04

Additional, it's never a good idea to base a decision on whether something goes hard or soft - well - not in my experience anyway.

This thread is just full of funny sentences 😂😂

I've had a crappy few days and it's cheered me up.

MissPeachyKeen · 14/02/2024 20:23

EXCELLENT thread

Springingintolife · 14/02/2024 20:32

following for mother's day and other future drama inducing events.

Whoopaday · 14/02/2024 20:35

@Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate are you seriously not married because your MIL said not to? You say MIL but then DP so I need to know!

Hibye23289 · 14/02/2024 20:36

Please can you write books I would definately read them 😂 Saltburn came to mind

NotARealWookiie · 14/02/2024 20:46

Whoopaday · 14/02/2024 20:35

@Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate are you seriously not married because your MIL said not to? You say MIL but then DP so I need to know!

Yeah I’m with you on needing to know this!

JudgeJ · 14/02/2024 20:51

Tilly: made it through the night following her ordeal. Has updated social media with countless selfies from yesterday of her looking fabulous and important at the event . Added 3 or 4 carefully selected unflattering ones of me - make of that what you will. She’s currently receiving several heart and star eye emojis which will be reinflating her little ego balloon brain and healing her trauma no doubt.*

Are you able to put a link to this thread on social media to counteract her versions, maybe a Jaffa cake emoji?

JudgeJ · 14/02/2024 21:05

the lovable twat I live with has made a halfarsed attempt at some tiling before putting himself to bed

When I read upthread that DP was in the bathroom, tiling, I thought Oh shit, this will not end well! I speak from many many years' experience of husbands, alcohol and DIY not being a good fit.

JudgeJ · 14/02/2024 21:11

Could there, perhaps, be a USA version and I have just missed the connection?

Depending on where you are in the USA if you have a large supermarket with a 'foreign' section you may find them there, I'm sure I've seen them. Alternatively I seem to recall Pepperidge Farm doing something similar, inferior, but similar!

SisterMichaelsHabit · 14/02/2024 21:11

This thread belongs in classics. Keep us updated OP!

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/02/2024 21:16

If you're decent at icing a cake, tiling is not that hard. Use the spacers, get an even layer of tile adhesive on the wall (do NOT blob it on the back of the tile!), apply tile, tap each corner til its level with the previous ones/spacers.. repeat.

It is boring though. Very very boring. Also cutting tiles sounds awful.

JudgeJ · 14/02/2024 21:19

The Jaffa case was, for me, on a par with Penrose v Kleenex in 1997, a Mathematician, Roger Penrose had years earlier devised a non-repeating tiling pattern that was unique and bears his name. He discovered that Kleenex were using his pattern on toilet roll and he sued them
https://medium.com/illumination/the-toilet-paper-battle-8664456d032d

The Toilet Paper Battle

Nobel Laureate vs Kleenex

https://medium.com/illumination/the-toilet-paper-battle-8664456d032d

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 21:24

@Whoopaday no this is not factually correct, we’re very much engaged and married in all practical sense. The reason we are not married is because we have no plans on having mutual babies soon and we’re both equal contributors to the nuthouse we call home. At this time, there is no overriding need for such a contract. If there were, we’d just do it. However, Tilly has declared that we must not, under any circumstances have a wedding before her. Because of course, she must have her wedding in a castle, surrounded by the adoring public and probably with enchanted furniture and dinner services bursting into life under a sky of fireworks and leaping stallions and dolphins and some shit…
I don’t know.
To be fair, DP and I have low key been planning a year abroad ( neither of us got a gap year because I was piss poor and working in a bar during my degree and he was the family social worker ) and sort of (when we do , no pressure) we’re going to get married while away in Asia on a beach somewhere . Which obviously avoids all kinds of fuckery and Tilly demanding to be a bridesmaid and then deliberately screwing the whole thing up ?
my mortgage clears in 36 months, we’ll probably fuck off somewhere beautiful and just do it then. FIL will probably fly out the next day for a piss up and be delighted , MIL will secretly be relieved but pretend to be gutted and Tilly will probably develop some awful Victorian wasting disease and lay in bed for days and weeks from the sheer audacity of it.
DP and I will party into the night with locals and carve our names into coconuts which we’ll treasure forever on the fireplace next to a framed photo of us in the Maldivian sunset?
good news! The cat has just come home . He’s furious after Charlie’s intrusion but has decided to decend upon us now and forgive us. I shall offer him a prawn and beg his forgiveness.
Jesus I need to stop drinking 🤣

OP posts:
Brawcolli · 14/02/2024 21:24

JudgeJ · 14/02/2024 19:57

I love pompous posts where posters try to establish themselves as being so superior but I do feel sorry for any children they may have, being raised in such a humourless home.

Someone having a different sense of humour than you doesn’t mean they live in a humourless home.

Nanaof1 · 14/02/2024 21:31

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 19:27

Please continue the biscuit/ cake detail. I’m enjoying it while simultaneously trying to deal with the resident twats efforts at tiling earlier… talk about performative. He’s literally just made a mess in here and done a shocking job. I may have to stick the radio on and crack on myself… how hard can it be? Biscuit or cake ? 🤣 🍷

Are you going to tile using Jaffa cakes or fairy cakes? Just varnish well when done and they should hold up a bit. 😉

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 14/02/2024 21:31

you are basically a good comedy writer. Brilliant. Why Tilly does not have a nice man????

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/02/2024 21:33

Anyone else picturing a jaffa cake wedding cake?

Whoopaday · 14/02/2024 21:43

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 21:24

@Whoopaday no this is not factually correct, we’re very much engaged and married in all practical sense. The reason we are not married is because we have no plans on having mutual babies soon and we’re both equal contributors to the nuthouse we call home. At this time, there is no overriding need for such a contract. If there were, we’d just do it. However, Tilly has declared that we must not, under any circumstances have a wedding before her. Because of course, she must have her wedding in a castle, surrounded by the adoring public and probably with enchanted furniture and dinner services bursting into life under a sky of fireworks and leaping stallions and dolphins and some shit…
I don’t know.
To be fair, DP and I have low key been planning a year abroad ( neither of us got a gap year because I was piss poor and working in a bar during my degree and he was the family social worker ) and sort of (when we do , no pressure) we’re going to get married while away in Asia on a beach somewhere . Which obviously avoids all kinds of fuckery and Tilly demanding to be a bridesmaid and then deliberately screwing the whole thing up ?
my mortgage clears in 36 months, we’ll probably fuck off somewhere beautiful and just do it then. FIL will probably fly out the next day for a piss up and be delighted , MIL will secretly be relieved but pretend to be gutted and Tilly will probably develop some awful Victorian wasting disease and lay in bed for days and weeks from the sheer audacity of it.
DP and I will party into the night with locals and carve our names into coconuts which we’ll treasure forever on the fireplace next to a framed photo of us in the Maldivian sunset?
good news! The cat has just come home . He’s furious after Charlie’s intrusion but has decided to decend upon us now and forgive us. I shall offer him a prawn and beg his forgiveness.
Jesus I need to stop drinking 🤣

Edited

This does sounds the perfect way to do it!
And I’m another one that really enjoys your writing style. I do like that your FIL and DH understand the batshittery in the family!

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 21:44

@MamaAlwaysknowsbest I shouldn’t comment. Not really my place…
against my better judgment though, Tilly requires a very handsome and distinguished gentleman with the means to support her fantasy world and with a high tolerance level for drunken antics, tantrums and a complete lack of social awareness in public. Such eligible bachelors are apparently thin on the ground in Surrey. We live in hope though.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 14/02/2024 21:49

JudgeJ · 14/02/2024 21:19

The Jaffa case was, for me, on a par with Penrose v Kleenex in 1997, a Mathematician, Roger Penrose had years earlier devised a non-repeating tiling pattern that was unique and bears his name. He discovered that Kleenex were using his pattern on toilet roll and he sued them
https://medium.com/illumination/the-toilet-paper-battle-8664456d032d

I bet he came to an amicable agreement: he’s a real gentleman ( and a scholar).

Btw there is an ( even better!) version of Jaffa cakes in France called PIMS which come in several flavours ( including raspberry). I think these might be available abroad?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2024 21:55

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 21:24

@Whoopaday no this is not factually correct, we’re very much engaged and married in all practical sense. The reason we are not married is because we have no plans on having mutual babies soon and we’re both equal contributors to the nuthouse we call home. At this time, there is no overriding need for such a contract. If there were, we’d just do it. However, Tilly has declared that we must not, under any circumstances have a wedding before her. Because of course, she must have her wedding in a castle, surrounded by the adoring public and probably with enchanted furniture and dinner services bursting into life under a sky of fireworks and leaping stallions and dolphins and some shit…
I don’t know.
To be fair, DP and I have low key been planning a year abroad ( neither of us got a gap year because I was piss poor and working in a bar during my degree and he was the family social worker ) and sort of (when we do , no pressure) we’re going to get married while away in Asia on a beach somewhere . Which obviously avoids all kinds of fuckery and Tilly demanding to be a bridesmaid and then deliberately screwing the whole thing up ?
my mortgage clears in 36 months, we’ll probably fuck off somewhere beautiful and just do it then. FIL will probably fly out the next day for a piss up and be delighted , MIL will secretly be relieved but pretend to be gutted and Tilly will probably develop some awful Victorian wasting disease and lay in bed for days and weeks from the sheer audacity of it.
DP and I will party into the night with locals and carve our names into coconuts which we’ll treasure forever on the fireplace next to a framed photo of us in the Maldivian sunset?
good news! The cat has just come home . He’s furious after Charlie’s intrusion but has decided to decend upon us now and forgive us. I shall offer him a prawn and beg his forgiveness.
Jesus I need to stop drinking 🤣

Edited

Based on your update I’d be careful around SIL OP. My own SIL told me I couldn’t take my theory driving test before her in case I passed it and could then drive before her, ignoring the fact she’s 11 years younger than me and I’d been involved in a nasty car crash a few years earlier which was why I delayed learning. She kept on going about cold snowy icy conditions at the test centre if we took our practicals after the theories so best to put it off!

SIL also kept on going about “other people stealing other peoples thunder” on occasion and told me I shouldn’t eg announce I was engaged (I was briefly) before my best friend announced hers or at the same time due to this. She then also panicked that I’d be married before her (she wasn’t even 30 then!) and stamped her feet once or twice that I earned more than her but didn’t have a degree.

In the end I basically chose to fight my battles with her, eg don’t. You wouldn’t believe the latest drama which has been her hand expressing milk for her 3.5 month old baby since he’s been born but has had to use formula most of the time too. She had sepsis twice and almost died giving birth the amount of blood lost yet insists on hand expressing which has meant she’s only recently started mum and baby classes. I do love her but by god she’s stubborn. Luckily she doesn’t do as good drama as your SIL but it does run in their family as her DB has caused nasty rows on a family holiday with them all and once when I stayed there at Christmas their DM caused an argument and stormed out of the house and drove away out for the day!

But generally we get on and the dramas get less and less. It didn’t help last year I visiting my parents and DB, SIL and DNephew came over for Sunday lunch. DNephew almost immediately we sat at the table related the argument between his DM and her DB in great detail, he’s good for a 5 year old and we all had to say “it’s ok DNephew all families have arguments like this sometimes!”.

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 21:55

@Calliopespa if I remember correctly , Jaffa cakes did come in a raspberry version here briefly in the U.K. once. It was rejected and disappeared very quickly. Around the nineties when half the country was dragging their jeans along the floor and soaking up puddles under the influence of MDMA we weren’t ready for anything so outrageous. They should try again now, we may be more receptive 🤣

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/02/2024 21:56

Turnbacknowbeforeitstoolate · 14/02/2024 21:44

@MamaAlwaysknowsbest I shouldn’t comment. Not really my place…
against my better judgment though, Tilly requires a very handsome and distinguished gentleman with the means to support her fantasy world and with a high tolerance level for drunken antics, tantrums and a complete lack of social awareness in public. Such eligible bachelors are apparently thin on the ground in Surrey. We live in hope though.

She sounds an absolute nightmare. But you’d be surprised how many men fall for these types!

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